Branching Paths
by Apartment 403
Summary: <html><head></head>A single point of origin spawns infinite choices. Perceived reality is only one of many branching paths. A collaborative Evangelion fan fiction in the form of the classic Choose Your Own Adventure Stories.</html>
1. Start

**Disclaimer: **Neon Genesis Evangelion and all its characters are the creation of Hideki Anno. The writers of this story do not claim ownership of any copywritten characters from Evangelion or any other works.

**AN: **Rules listed above and bellow story text for your convenience. Please read them before asking questions.

**Rules: **First off, here's how this story works.

A list of choices will be displayed at the end of each chapter. Each choice corresponds with a potential path that the story can take. You (the reader) can navigate to the chapter that corresponds to the path you wish to read. (Note: it is not guaranteed that all choices will be written)

If a chapter has been recently posted, there will be a message beneath the choices stating that the chapter is open for voting. If a chapter is open for voting, you can cast your vote by placing the key for the choice you like within a review. (For example if you wanted to vote for "Shinji runs away, seeking shelter" you would type "1B" within your review. Feel free to leave comments and criticism for the author in your review as well.) Votes will be counted for a period of 1 week following the posting of the chapter. The choice with the most votes will be the next path written for that author's story branch. A notification will be posted stating that voting has closed and which branch will be written.

Feel free to vote on all branches

**Branching Paths**

**An Apartment 403 Production**

**Chapter:** Start

**Choice Path:** Start

**Author:** Fresh C

As Shinji neared the industrial center of the city, the number of people around decreased. Every person he passed seemed to be heading in a different direction and none of them stayed in sight very long. By the time he passed the train station and heard the broadcast telling everyone to seek shelter, there was no one around to ask for directions. He had no idea where the nearest shelter was, so he did the only thing he could and continued to walk forward.

He wondered if maybe he was dreaming. Being alone in public seemed surreal in a way that boarder lined on frightening. Shinji walked faster and faster, barely stopping himself from breaking into a full sprint. The relief nearly floored him when he saw the phone booth a couple of blocks away. He couldn't help but laugh nervously to himself.

His relief didn't last long. The automated voice on the other end of the line merely told him what he already knew. There was an emergency going on and he was not where he should be. He hung up the phone and pulled out a photograph of the woman he was supposed to meet.

"I guess we won't be able to meet," he said. It felt good to hear a voice, even if it was his own. "I should probably head to a shelter."

Shinji was reluctant to leave the phone booth, since the confined space made him feel less alone. He scanned the area for any sign of a shelter, but was quickly distracted by the oddest sight. A girl in a school uniform stood rigidly in the middle of the road. Their eyes met and Shinji felt a sense of vertigo. His brief stint of self-control ended. The girl became his lifeline. He felt that if he could talk to her and find out what was going on and where he needed to go, safety would be within his reach.

Shinji's heart dropped when he exited the phone booth and the girl was no longer there. The second in which he had looked away had been enough time for her to disappear. But there was no time to lament the loss. He gained a new perspective on his situation and with it pure terror.

Several missiles flew over his head. Their deafening roar made them seem much too close to the ground. The fear he felt only magnified when he saw the missiles' target.

The… thing that was attacking the city hovered slightly above the streets as it moved. Its humanoid form only highlighted its alienness. For several moments all Shinji could do was stare. He watched as the monstrosity knocked a VTOL out of the sky, and gaped at the explosion. He didn't even notice the blue sports car speeding toward him. It wasn't until the thing's feet hit the ground that Shinji realized this was not a scene from television. This was something happening to him in real life and he was in real immediate danger. His scream was involuntary as was his reaction. Without a single thought he…

1A – Shinji stands frozen in place. (Go to Ch 2)

1B – Shinji runs away, seeking shelter (Go to Ch 3)

1C – Shinji runs in the direction that he last saw the girl. (Go to Ch 4)

**There is no voting for this chapter. All choices have been written.**

**Rules: **First off, here's how this story works.

A list of choices will be displayed at the end of each chapter. Each choice corresponds with a potential path that the story can take. You (the reader) can navigate to the chapter that corresponds to the path you wish to read. (Note: it is not guaranteed that all choices will be written)

If a chapter has been recently posted, there will be a message beneath the choices stating that the chapter is open for voting. If a chapter is open for voting, you can cast your vote by placing the key for the choice you like within a review. (For example if you wanted to vote for "Shinji runs away, seeking shelter" you would type "1B" within your review. Feel free to leave comments and criticism for the author in your review as well.) Votes will be counted for a period of 1 week following the posting of the chapter. The choice with the most votes will be the next path written for that author's story branch. A notification will be posted stating that voting has closed and which branch will be written.

Feel free to vote on all branches

**AN/Ramblings: **Okay, that's basically it for explanations. If you have any questions, ask them. The rest of this is more of my usual unnecessarily wordy author's notes.

I've been throwing around the idea for a Choose Your Own Adventure styled Eva story in my head for a while, but only recently did it strike me as an idea worth pursuing. I realized that it would be a big undertaking by myself so decided that it would be better as a collaborative work. Through a combination of begging, bribing, and blackmail I managed to convince two talented writers (Midnight Cereal and The Mustachioed Cat) to help me with this project. Please support their contributions by giving them some feedback. There are links to all contributing author's profiles on our profile page.

I have plans to invite more writers to help out with this project and I can see the story growing quite big, under the write condition. But none of that will happen since I've just completely jinxed the whole thing. Bear with us. Do not expect most future chapters to be a basic retelling of the series.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy it.


	2. 1A

**Chapter: **1A - Shinji Stands Frozen In Place

**Choice Path:** Start – 1A

**Author:** Fresh C

Terror seized Shinji's mind. His feet froze in place. He could only watch in horror as the giant being drifted slowly toward him. Even the sound of the missiles and aircraft flying above were drowned out by his all-encompassing fear. He only had eyes for the monster looming in front of him, and to his addled mind it felt as if the monster only had eyes for him. Hearing his name called was the only thing that snapped him out of his life threatening brain stall.

"Shinji, get in quick!"

Initially Shinji did not realize that the woman in the sports car was the same one from the picture in his pocket. He only saw the open passenger side door and recognized it as freedom. He hastily clambered into the vehicle. The woman took off before he had a chance to close the door.

After several moments, Shinji remembered to breathe again. A look at the woman's face showed that they weren't quite out of danger yet. She was frantically searching her surroundings as she drove, making sure not to collide with any shrapnel or debris (falling or otherwise). Shinji instinctively followed her lead and tried to help locate potential danger. Several times he'd been close to shouting out a warning to the woman, only to have her settle the issue before he could say anything. Though he felt far from safe, he was glad to see she knew what she was doing.

Eventually their course lead them to higher ground, where the battle between the monster and military could be easily seen. The woman retrieved a conveniently placed pair of binoculars from her purse and scanned the horizon.

"They're withdrawing," she said. "They're not going to..."

"Not going to what?"

"Get down!" the woman yelled and literally flattened him against the car seat. She shielded him with her body as the car was battered by displaced air and bathed in blinding light.

* * *

><p>The woman's name was Misato, not Ms. Katsuragi. She made that very clear. She also had no problem addressing him by his first name. Shinji wasn't used to such informality – even his uncle addressed him with honorifics – but he didn't dislike it. Given that she had recently saved his life, there wasn't much she could do to upset him at the moment. Misato explained the blast was the result of an N2 bomb released by the JSDF. Shinji was caught off guard by this. Even he knew that no nuclear strikes had been ordered since the end of the Second World War.<p>

Misato mistook his minor shock for optimism and said, "Don't get your hopes up. That _thing_ won't die so easily." Shinji was surprised at the venom in her voice when she addressed the monster. "That's why it's best we get you to headquarters as soon as possible."

That signified the end of their chat. Misato asked for his help in flipping her car back onto its wheels. It was currently resting at an improbable angle. The passenger side of the vehicle was entrenched in the ground. The whole scene looked as if they'd somehow been driving sideways on an invisible wall before crashing horribly. Together, with much effort, they were able to right the car again.

To their mutual surprise and relief, the vehicle was still operational. Misato took a brief moment to mourn the horrible state of her car, before driving off toward where Shinji assumed her "headquarters" were. The use of that particular term bugged him.

"So you work with my father?" he asked.

Misato gave a strained smile. "Yes," said Misato. "Your father is the head of our operation. You should be proud."

Shinji didn't know what to say to that. He'd felt a lot of things about his father in the years they'd been apart. Pride was not one of them. They continued on in silence until they pulled into a dark garage and parked the car. Shinji reached for the door handle but Misato told him to wait.

"Just watch," she said. "You'll like this."

To Shinji's surprise a gate opened up in front of them and the structure they were in began to move. He realized quickly that this was not actually a garage, but a kind of elevator system for cars. As light streamed in from the outside he could see the side of the structure was not made of concrete, but glass. This was fortunate, as the view out the window afforded Shinji with one of the most magnificent sights he'd ever seen in his life.

It was a city suspended underground. Towering sky scrapers poked beneath the surface of the Earth and gleamed in the light. Below these buildings was crystal clear lake, that had the bluest water Shinji had ever seen. Near this lake stood a giant black pyramid with the word "NERV" engraved into the front.

"This is the geofront," said Misato, smirking at the awed expression on Shinji's face. "Welcome to NERV."

* * *

><p>The hallways of NERV all looked the same: bland, white walled corridors with high ceilings and simple patterned floor tile. The only things that distinguished one hallway from another were the signs with arrows hanging at each junction. Each sign was marked with a letter and a number which held no particular meaning to Shinji. If there was a pattern to their naming convention it was beyond his understanding as they had not passed any signs with incremental letters or numbers. However, Shinji was relatively sure that they should not be seeing the same sign more than once. He kept his mouth shut anyways.<p>

Misato continued to walk purposefully through the halls, as if nothing was out of the ordinary. She never hesitated at intersections or seemed to be making any sort of decision. Had Shinji not been so certain they were lost, he would have had complete confidence in her abilities. After rounding one last corner they spotted a blonde woman wearing the odd fetish fueled combination of a lab coat and a bathing suit. Considering her strange outfit and Misato's out of place Chinese dress, Shinji was starting to wonder if his father's secretive job somehow involved a cosplay café of some sort.

"Lost again, Misato?" asked the woman in the lab coat. She seemed more amused at the prospect than annoyed.

"Oh Ritsuko, you know I was just taking the scenic route for Shinji's benefit," said Misato. Her tone held a playful quality to it. "We were just heading toward the cages now."

"What a coincidence," said Ritsuko. "I happen to be heading that way as well."

Shinji noted that they were facing in opposite directions. With a hint of nervous laughter Misato turned around and the three of them began to walk.

"Shinji, this is Dr. Akagi, the head of Project-E and one of the most beautiful and intelligent women on the face of the Earth. Ritsuko, this is Shinji, the commander's son."

Before Shinji could think to respond, Ritsuko said, "Nice to meet you, Shinji. I'm sure we'll be getting to know each other quite well." She then turned to Misato and said, "And I suppose I can forget about, how far away from the cages I found you when I write up my report."

Misato put a hand to her mouth and pretended to whisper to Shinji. "She's also incredibly kindhearted."

"You're laying it on rather thick today, aren't you?" said Ritsuko. "I'd think you were patronizing me, if it weren't all so terribly true."

Shinji didn't quite know what to think about their conversation. It seemed rather childish for adults to talk that way. The whole experience left him feeling somewhat out of place. He thought about the monster out there terrorizing the city, and how he'd almost lost his life. It didn't make sense that two people could carry such a lighthearted conversation after something like that. It didn't feel right.

"What exactly do you do here?" he asked. "What kind of place is this?"

Misato openly frowned at his question. Ritsuko stepped in to supply a very unsatisfying answer.

"I think those are questions best left for your father to answer."

The rest of their walk together was silent.

* * *

><p>Later - much later - Shinji would recall the theatrics of it all with a feeling of deep seated betrayal and no small amount of awe. The whole affair spoke of a surprising level of coordination. Having been completely left in the dark before they'd reached the cages, made the effect of the scene that much more disorienting.<p>

He walked alongside his chaperones obediently, all the while knowing that something big was coming. His anticipation and fear dominated his mind in this state of silence. The tension only magnified as they drew closer to their destination. He watched that the lighting dim further and further as they walked, until they were surrounded in complete darkness. Before Shinji had time to voice his concern, an overhead light turned on as if cued by a director. What the light revealed caused Shinji to cover his mouth and gasp.

He faced a giant being, as large and imposing as the monster that was terrorizing the world outside. It wore thick plated armor painted in hues of purple and green. The eyes behind the armor glittered with light. Though the thing seemed unmoving, it felt as if it were watching him with an intensity that bordered on obsession.

Shinji backed away on instinct. "What is that thing?"

Another stage light behind him flashed on with an audible click. Shinji turned around to meet the director and principle actor in this grand power play. His father, Gendo Ikari, stood in a room high above them, shielded by a thick sheet of glass. When he spoke his voice came from all directions and even his lightest whisper boomed in Shinji's ears.

"That thing is my life's work. Man's last hope and salvation against the coming storm: The Evangelion."

Shinji stared up at his father in shock. His mind tried to reconcile the man who had left him alone for so many years with the image of the beast behind him, but failed. In the end, he could barely understand his father's words. He stared at the man so far above him and could only see the distance between them.

"Why did you call me here, Father?" he asked quietly, but his question was easily heard.

"Eva is the only thing that can combat the enemy outside these walls. You are one of the few people who possess the latent ability to pilot it."

The words sunk in slowly for Shinji, but when they did he found himself shaking in rage.

"Is that all, Father? I don't hear from you for all this time… and you call me for this?"

Gendo smirked at his son's apparent outrage. "I've called you here because I have a use for you. Will you pilot the Eva or will you simply run away?"

"Enough!" Shinji yelled. "I thought things were different… that you want things to change. But this… it's all the same." Shinji hung his head in defeat. "But you just want to use me! You want me to get in that thing and fight. How can I? Even if I wanted to?"

Ritsuko chose this point to speak up. "We can talk you through operating the Eva."

Shinji shook his head. "I can't."

"We're all depending on you Shinji," said Misato. "We wouldn't ask if there was any other way."

"I can't!" yelled Shinji.

"Fine," said Gendo, his voice echoing over the loud speakers. Any traces of his earlier amusement were completely gone. "We've wasted enough time here. Send in Rei."

A rolling bed enters from stage right. Shinji and everyone else is transfixed at the sight. On this bed laid a girl with striking blue hair. Her eyes were tightly closed as if in deep concentration, and her breathing came out in audible shallow gasps.

"Rei," said Gendo. The girl's eyes popped open as she was addressed. "You will be needed after all."

Rei thinly whispered. "Understood."

"You can't be serious!" said Misato. Shinji was surprised to see that at least one other person was not content to follow the script. "She's in no condition to-"

Gendo cut her off. "There is no other choice."

"Commander," said Ritsuko. "Unit-00 is out of commission and there is no guarantee that Rei can even activate Unit-01. Even if all goes as planned, she has virtually no chance of succeeding in her current state."

"I am aware of the risks, as we all are. Configure Unit-01 for pilot Ayanami and prepare for launch."

"Yes sir," said Dr. Akagi. She resigned herself to the reality of the situation.

Shinji, however, did not understand. He watched as the frail girl slowly pulled herself up from bed, supporting herself with one trembling arm. Her other arm was wrapped in bandages, rendering it immobile. She stood on shaking legs and walked toward Shinji. Her breathing was labored. Her eyes were unfocused, and it felt to Shinji as if she didn't even recognize his existence. The wrongness of the whole situation struck Shinji fully and he wanted to scream out and protest. This girl shouldn't have to fight monsters any more than he should. None of this should be happening. But there was nothing he could do about it… nothing he could do…

And then the girl collapsed. Shinji lost what little mental fortitude he'd had. He rushed to her side and lifted her torso from the floor, placing her head awkwardly in his lap.

"Are you okay?" He asked. He did not receive a response. A rumbling noise, even louder than Gendo's voice over the loudspeakers, drowned out all other sound. The building shook violently and to the surprise of every, large chunks of the ceiling fell down to the floor. A giant purple hand moved at blinding speeds to cover the area above Shinji and the girl.

"It can't be…" said Ritsuko in astonishment.

Shinji however barely registered the action. His attention was focused on the lithe girl breathing heavily in his lap. He stared at her face and thought. Someone was going to have to get into the robot and pilot. It was obviously dangerous… how else had the girl been injured? But… someone had to do it or everyone would die. Shinji, or this girl… an obvious choice, but a difficult decision. Shinji closed his eyes for several moments.

He tightened his grip on the girl and said, "I'll pilot it."

* * *

><p>They told him to relax. Shinji trembled.<p>

They ejected the entry plug and told him to get in. Shinji complied.

They nearly drowned him in LCL and told him to breathe. Shinji choked.

They told him to walk. Shinji fell.

They told him to fight. Shinji failed.

The Eva did not.

* * *

><p>When Shinji opened his eyes again, he was laying on his back staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. After looking at his surroundings for several moments he realized he was in a hospital bed, but he did not feel particularly injured. His eyeball felt a little sore, which was odd, but other than that nothing was really wrong with him. He closed his eyes again and information slowly seeped into his mind.<p>

Details of the previous night were probably lost to him forever, but what he did remember would always stay with him. The fear was the main thing. He felt his heart racing just thinking about it. Every moment that he'd been in the cockpit of the Eva, he was sure it would be his last. Then there was the pain. The pain had overwhelmed him to the point where he no longer cared what happened anymore and it was then that everything went black.

But Shinji didn't want to think on these things too long. He sat up in his bed and looked around the room more carefully. His room had a large window on the wall facing the door, through which he was being observed by the strange girl that he had decided to pilot for. She was carrying an IV stand with her. Their eyes met for several seconds and Shinji felt confused again. He wondered how long she'd been watching him, and if she'd come into the room now that he was awake. The girl slowly turned away and began to walk down the hallway.

* * *

><p>Shinji had two visitors during his brief stay in NERVs hospital wing.<p>

Ritsuko greeted him warmly enough, but from there the conversation went downhill. She congratulated him on his success in his first battle. Shinji could only focus on the reality that there might be another battle. The thought of fighting again instantly brought the terrible fear from the previous night to mind. He found himself wishing she would leave soon after she opened her mouth.

Ritsuko picked up on his shift in mood and decided to hurry things along. She explained the role that he was expected to play in simple terms. He would live here in Tokyo-3. He would train with the Eva during his free time. He would fight the angels as they arrived. These were statements, not questions. She did, however, make it very clear that the whole of NERV was behind him and that she personally, alongside everyone else in the company, would do her best to support him in any way possible. The words fell just short of reassuring. He could easily see Ritsuko's sincerity and appreciated that. But he wondered if 'the whole of NERV' included his father. At the time, he wasn't sure whether that would be a good or bad thing.

Ritsuko then went on to explain how NERV would provide for his living. They were offering him a room within the base, as well as a stipend for living expenses. If he decided not to live in the 'more than adequate' room at headquarters, NERV was even willing to increase the stipend some to allow him to live out on his own. The latter option was the one currently being used by their other pilot, Rei.

Shinji's jaw tightened at this news. The option of living with his father was noticeably missing. And if the two of them were not going to magically reconcile together, then Shinji had no idea why he'd come there in the first place. The whole situation left him feeling edgy. Ritsuko noticed this as well and decided to leave, telling him to take all the time he needed in deciding.

When Misato came a couple of hours later, Shinji still hadn't finished brooding. But he was glad that she'd cared enough to bring him flowers, and her smile was a little infectious. Shinji felt compelled to put some effort into answering her questions, which had very little to do with NERV, biological robots, or his father, to his relief.

Misato asked him how he was feeling and he gave the customary response of "Okay". She also seemed interested in getting to know certain things about him, like where he used to live, if he did any extra-curricular activities at school, and if he had a girlfriend back home who would miss him. These questions embarrassed Shinji, but he was glad to have them asked, even if answering felt odd. Not many people seemed to take an honest interest in him, and it was flattering that such an attractive woman would do so. He realized of course, that she was just being nice, but that didn't take away from his gratitude.

Eventually their conversation lead them to Shinji's current situation. When Misato found out what NERV had planned for him she would have none of it. She claimed it was a shame that someone as young as him should have to live alone. And without hesitation she offered to take him into her home. At his clearly surprised expression she decided to give him some time to think about it.

Shinji was initially disoriented by this proposal, and even more confused by Misato's apparent enthusiasm for the idea. He had no idea why she would offer to take care of him so readily and in truth, the idea scared him a little bit. He'd never lived with anyone aside from his uncle and the two of them rarely seemed to interact with each other. Shinji liked Misato, but living with her… would just be awkward. He didn't see a reason to subject either of them to that. Shinji could easily take care of himself. It was the one thing he was good at.

But what really bothered him when he thought about it, was the fact that no one had bothered to ask him if he even wanted to stay here. His father certainly hadn't. The man didn't even come to visit him while he was hospitalized. And everyone simply assumed that he was going to pilot the Eva. Even if he wasn't any good at it. Even if it terrified him. Even though he might die. Everyone assumed that he would risk everything for them, as if he was obligated to do so. But what did he really owe any of these people? He'd saved their skin by piloting. If anything they owed him. Rei would be healthy soon enough, and then she could deal with whatever Angel or monster or Godzilla clone came their way. He'd never agreed to any of this…

But he could feel their genuine gratitude in their soft words and tentative smiles. They were relieved he was here. They felt like they needed him. And he knew that if he left them, the relief they felt would disappear. Whether he liked it or not, these people - Misato, Ritsuko, and even his father - they were putting their hopes in him. If he left, he would take that hope with him. And he wondered… was it really okay to abandon them? Could he honestly leave all the fighting to a frail girl like Rei?

These were no easy questions, and Shinji had no easy answer. After thinking on these things for some time he reluctantly came to a decision.

**2A – Shinji lives on the NERV base (go to ch 5)**

2B – Shinji moves in with Misato

2C – Apartment Hunting Time!

2D – "Screw this guys, I'm going home!"

**Voting is now closed for this chapter.**


	3. 1B

**Chapter: **1B - Shinji runs away, seeking shelter**  
><strong>

**Choice Path:** Start** -** 1B

**Author:** The Mustachioed Cat

_**Away!**_ The word stuck in his mind, burning with the heat rising from his chest, and propelled Shinji across and down the street. The explosion had deafened him, and his mind was a tight and empty place except for that word. _**Away!**_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
>(((Shinji Ikari)))<br>Str: 5 (male baseline)  
>Guts: 2 (not male baseline)<br>Sanity: 8 (five seconds ago was a solid 10)  
>\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\_**  
><strong>_

One block. Two. Six. More. The ground constantly shifting beneath him, his feet and arms momentarily abandoning their petty differences to work together because all of Shinji Ikari had all gotten a good look at the thing that was making the earth move. The _monster_.

He finally collapsed when the sound of nothing melted into a liquid roar, loud enough to crowd out even_** Away!**_ His arms and legs, to their credit, managed to pull Shinji off the sidewalk and into the shade beneath a store awning before they fled back into the safety and comfort of non-sentience.

The boy rolled his body up into a sitting position. Could just barely think through the angry mass of hate in his head. The ground was still shaking, but less so. Meant. Meant. Something good. Everything hurt. Thinking hurt.

_**But. I. Got. Away**_, he managed to tell himself through the pain. Maybe he even said it aloud, but everything was all smoke-strangled and a high ringing tone. He sat, arms wrapped around head, as the shuddering in the earth diminished, and then stopped altogether.

The word was almost in his head. _**Safe**_. Hard to form, but the edges were peeking out of all that stuffy burn were his brain was supposed to be. _**Saaaaaaf**_**-**-

The street exploded.

The next thing Shinji knew was a broken ceiling, through which he could see a fattening yellow moon. He was pushed up in an awkward roll, head flat against shoulder. Neck felt ready to snap as he unfolded and got to his feet.

His shoes were gone, along with half the buttons on his new uniform shirt. No cuts or bumps. Still plenty of hurt, but the roar in his head was gone.

He couldn't make out much by moonlight, but seemed to be pretty well confined to an area maybe two tatami mats wide by a barrier of broken furniture, glass and ruined electronics. The ceiling was three, maybe four meters overhead.

Hello! he shouted, wincing as the word gouged into either side of his head. Could not actually hear his voice, just feel the pain it caused. Maybe he would just stay quiet. The _monster _could still be around.

He tried to climb out - it seemed only slightly less stupid than waiting in the dark for the _monster_ to come crashing down on his head a third time - but every time Shinji put any amount of weight on any portion of the wall, the whole mass would shudder. The cement floor seemed the only stationary thing upon which he could lay hands. So he sat down and tried to just enjoy being alive for a while. Tried not to think about _monsters_, so much.

His luggage and backpack had been discarded during his failed attempt to escape. His clothes, school books, the astronomy posters teacher had given him as a going away present - all gone. Everything he owned, crushed or burnt to nothing. But Father's letter and the ID papers that had arrived with it were gone too - that was something of a relief.

The only thing Shinji had managed to hang on to was the picture of the person that was supposed to have met him at the train station. He pulled the picture out and placed it on the floor between his splayed legs. The plastic was reflective, so he was basically looking down at the moon rather than at a pretty woman leaning forward suggestively over the hood of a blue car. Didn't matter. The picture was pointless. The woman, Father, NERV - that _monster_ could have smashed them all by now. And even if Father was okay, Shinji had no way of reaching him. The woman hadn't bothered to show up for whatever reason, and he no longer had the ID papers from NERV.

Shinji picked up the picture. Who was she supposed to be, anyway? Every night since the package arrived he had wondered about that, and eventually narrowed his range of speculation down to either 'stepmother-to-be' or 'guardian.' Either way, Shinji found himself actually disliking the woman in the picture, now. Maybe it was because of the embarrassing photo. Maybe it was because she worked with or for Father. Or maybe it was because she _hadn't been at the fucking train station!_

He tore the picture in half. Tore the two pieces into smaller pieces, then hid them in an opening in the wall. Whatever obligation he had felt to any of the people in his life had shattered apart the moment they had all conspired to confirm Shinji's suspicion that the world was a painful, horrible place.

And now the letter, the ID papers, and the picture were gone. All gone. Now he was a nobody that nobody knew. He was free. The idea was... liberating.

It was in this state of mind that he remained - wondering at a future where he could be someone other than himself, and hating the people that had coaxed him into this _monster-_strewn hellscape - until low half-heard sounds started drifting down from above: whispered tears of air and a low organic throb Shinji could not quite place. The debris had begun to shift, too.

Rescue workers, maybe? Shinji inclined his head, inspecting the night sky for any sign of searchlights, or any other source of illumination that was not sickly sallow and stationary overhead. But there was nothing. Shouldn't there be people out here by now? The low rumble of heavy equipment? Shouldn't the sky be stained pink with the metropolitan light of New Odawara?

Nothing but him and the moon, and the shifting, tearing sounds that were growing in intensity. Whatever was making those noises had no problem moving around in nothing but moonlight... there! A small thing, moving low against a plank that crossed the gap in the ceiling. The moon was at its back, yellow light seeming to eat into the tentative silhouette.

_Fuzz_, Shinji realized as the creature moved. It walked on two legs, and was covered in fuzz. Some strange animal. A monkey?

The boy remained perfectly still. Monkeys were diseased. They had teeth. No point in getting its attention...

The fuzzy creature stumbled off the plank and fell into the hole with Shinji. The boy reached out without thinking, and managed to catch the fuzzy thing right before it would have hit the cement. The creature let out a screech and bit one of his fingers. Shinji threw it against the far side of the pit and stood, leaning against the wall with one foot raised, ready to smash the little bastard thing if it crossed into the puddle of moonlight between them.

The thing continued screeching, and overhead other screeches were sounding in return.

_Monster_. Shinji thought. Small, but somehow _still a_ _monster_. The country was under attack. Could be... could be all sorts of _monsters_ were invading. Orges and old gods and the angry dead, taking the shape of titanic black wraiths that had bone poking out of their bodies and... and maybe also the form of small furry creatures that only came out in moonlight. Small furry creatures that hunted in packs, like wolves.

Shinji tried to push away from the wall, to propel himself forward, to stamp down blindly in the furthest corner of the hole and smash the noisy thing to bits. Because his hearing was coming back, enough to distinguish that the sounds coming from overhead were deeper and louder than the tinny screeches of the creature that was already in the hole with him. Shinji did not want to see what a larger variation of the fuzzy thing looked like - probably a leathery beanbag teetering about on two stick legs, looking perfectly ridiculous until its body split open to reveal a mouth filled with long needle teeth...

Damn. He had scared himself off smashing the creature flat. Even if he still had shoes, Shinji wouldn't have been quick to pit rubber and canvas against needle-toothed _monsters_. His hands began exploring the wall, looking for something he could pry loose and smash the creature with.

Another tinny screech, this time from overhead. Shinji looked up in time to see another small body plummet into the hole.

He panicked. Pressed himself further into the wall, got his hands up over his head. In his mind the thing was unzipped itself in mid-flight, ready to latch on and subtract bits of him with its snapping needlemouth.

The creature bounced off his shoulder - Shinji screamed - and tumbled to the ground and into the moonlight. It looked dirty and fragile. A black, shiny comma emerged from the highest point of its fuzzy body, crowned in a set of wicked horns that folded back into its flesh. The black comma parted, showing white, and a screech was emitted. The first creature emerged from the far side of the hole to join the first, in proximity and voice.

More screeches overhead. Another light weight, this time bouncing off the side of Shinji's face, leaving an angry line of burn from a tooth or claw, and a third fuzzbeast had joined the other two in the moonlight. Seeing the newest arrival in profile as it turned to nip one of the others, Shinji felt a surge of relief.

These were not needlemouthed flesheating _monsters_. At all.

Each creature had a lemon-shaped body and a long neck. The black comma Shinji had seen before, which his mind had labelled as a scorpion-stinger/mouth, was actually a beak. The horns that folded into fuzz were an illusion created by a ridge of beak and muscle that ran between the creature's two beady black eyes, and nowhere in Shinji's spontaneous expertise on murderous nocturnal beasts was there a sinister explanation for the set of small, dull hooks of flesh that extended from either side of each creature's body.

Birds. Baby birds. Ducklings, like.

Shinji let out a laugh he could just barely hear. Beanbags with teeth. And he had been going to smash one of them!

The three ducklings crowded toward him, but remained in the pool of moonlight, their beaks opened in a constant stream of high-pitched peeps. Recognizing the sound as something other than the reports of a pack of hunter/killer _monsters_, Shinji managed a smile. Even though he was still trapped in dark, and _monsters_ were real.

Where are your parents? Shinji asked the ducklings. Did they see the _monster_ and fly away?

Another light weight on the very top of Shinji's head. The new duckling shifted its weight, then hopped down to its brethren.

How many are you? the boy babbled, leaning to one side and looking up.

Something was sticking out over the edge of the hole. Not a baby duck. No, this was all neck, bobbing and curving, and for a moment Shinji was absolutely certain he was looking at a venomous snake, getting ready to plunge after the food it had been chasing.

Three more ducklings hopped into the hole, and the long neck honked at them. The ducklings - how many of them were there now? - peeped back.

The moon was partially obscured by a flaring wing, and suddenly something huge was rushing down the hole. Shinji turned away, was buffeted with feathers. When he looked back, a black and gray goose was in the moonlight. The baby geese had gathered behind it. The large bird inspected Shinji with a turned head, single eye shining, before turning and charging at him.

Shinji bounced back against the wall and lashed out reflexively with his legs. Managed to catch the animal right where neck attached to body. The goose circled back to the far side of the hole, interpolating its hiss with a series of loud honks, directed upward.

More baby geese... what did you call them? seemed to rain down on Shinji. What was happening? What? WHAT?

Another adult goose swooped down. Its webbed feet hit the arm Shinji had thrown protectively over his face, a talon catching in his skin and ripping a new line of hot pain into him. The second goose landed amongst the baby geese - was _gosling_ the word? - and joined the other in hissing at Shinji.

The boy pressed against the wall again, and, again, tried to find some bit of debris that would serve as a weapon. But apparently the building that had collapsed all around him had been built out of glass and balsa wood. Everything he touched either snapped with the slightest pressure or did its best to slice his skin open.

The momentary but fruitless reprieve ended when one of the goslings decided to waddle up to and perch on Shinji's sock-clad foot. The two geese surged forward, wings flaring, pushing the smaller creature aside and biting into Shinji's leg. The boy howled in pain, which drove geese and gosling alike back to the other side of the hole. The smaller fowl began burrowing into the wall, squeezing into the uncertain spaces beyond the hole. The adult geese continued to hiss at Shinji and flare their wings.

When another batch of goslings rained down, Shinji risked a look up. Long black necks were crowding into the hole on all sides.

Go away! he screamed, despite the pain it carved into his head. The heads retracted as one, but edged back into the opening just as quickly. Another two goslings tumbled out of the gathering darkness.

Shinji sank into a sitting position, hands up around his face in case the geese came at him again. He just needed to be quiet and still. Maybe they would forget he was there. Maybe the geese above would move away and stop unknowingly funneling their spawn into the pit.

A shadow plugged the light. Shinji closed his eyes and tried his best to cover himself. Another goose was coming down.

It landed on him as the previous one had. Two talons dug into his scalp, more lines of pain, and then the goose dipped down and bit into Shinji's ear. The boy screamed and pushed out, hitting the creature in the chest and knocking it down beside him.

More pain. Felt like part of his ear was gone! Stupid _animals_**!**

Shinji...

3B - refused to run away a second time. (Go to ch 6)

**Voting is now closed for this chapter.**


	4. 1C

**Chapter: **1C - Shinji runs in the direction that he last saw the girl

**Choice Path:** Start – 1C

**Author:** Midnight Cereal

Shinji bolted in the direction of the girl. The pavement sloped down, shooting jolts of pain back up his legs with each pounding footfall. He was going to fall, topple over and burn. The look on her face flashed in his mind—studious and unhurried, like she was coming from the market with a bag of fish stock and leeks. _Turn left_, she'd seemed to say.

Before Shinji realized he was veering left, crashing into trashcans loitering in an alley. He stumbled a quarter of the way down narrow corridor until his backpack rode him into grit and tainted water—he suddenly weighed a thousand pounds.

_Don't stop_, she'd seemed to say.

Shinji staggered forward, eyeing the slit of light at the other end of the alley, about 50 meters ahead. What was that distance to the thing out there? It hooted-whistled-warbled, and when things couldn't possibly get louder, the world roared behind him, spitting twisted steel and heat that crawled up the back of his legs. Topple over and burn.

A door swung into his path. He'd nearly dodged it when the straps of his bag bit into his shoulders. A quick, precise strength snatched him through the doorway. Shinji piled onto chessboard floor tile consumed by black, and even that disappeared when the door slammed shut, muffling the carnage howling through the alley. He stood up again, spinning in the outer space between his ears. For a while he could only smell old tempura and grope at darkness.

Then his hand kneaded soft flesh and fine hair. Shinji felt a pulse beat back his own. "Who…what're you—"

Fingers clamped around his wrist. Shinji allowed himself to be dragged, turned, and decelerated. He couldn't tell if his or his guide's shoes were scraping the ground. He couldn't tell if the noise outside had dulled because they had moved further inside or if things had actually stopped exploding.

"Careful," she said, her voice like cherry twigs. It would snap if he asked a question now—it did snap when parcels of thunder rattled the building just as the floor dropped away…a meter below? A kilometer? She'd never speak again and he'd tumble in the dark forever.

His hands flew out, catching cloth and round shoulders. His foot thudded against concrete. Shinji stepped again, lower. His eyes poorly sketched the person leading him into a basement, or cellar. She was about his size, thinner. _Thinner_? And she smelled familiar. _Right—because I can tell what she smells like. _But he could. Her words floated back to him: "Last step."

Three quick concussions. The thing outside screamed.

They stood on the cellar floor. Shinji bit back a yelp when she pulled away from his grip. She scuffled with plastic and cardboard boxes. Heavy metal slid home, groaning until a rectangle of light bled through the black. He couldn't close his eyes before the rest of the light bleached everything, leaving him with the afterimage of a large open door—and the girl beside it, too slow to avoid being bleached herself. Even her hair had been drained a cropped platinum blonde…or blue. Yeah, right.

"This space is reinforced with rebar and high-strength concrete," she said. "It'll provide an extra measure of safety."

Shinji blinked. His sight returned in tiny novas, but he worried when the girl remained white—just ashen white. "You don't live down here, do you?" he asked.

"You are hilarious. Get inside."

He was too far along, too deep in it to hesitate. Shinji shuffled toward the light, trying to keep the bulk of his backpack between him and the girl's eyes. Red. He explained to himself that her low melanin exposed the blood vessels in her irises. Looking her in the face would be seeing straight through…

Shinji entered the room within a room. He descended a ramp that took him past chainlink enclosures holding back fat sacks of rice, vats of cooking oil, wheat flour, and spare grilling tables. Chairs sat on each other in stacks six-high against a metal enclosure humming with power—cold to the touch. Long banks of lights skulked above him and down a corridor that branched off from the main room and was lined on one side with storage areas and on the other with masonry wall.

The door crashed shut. White kneecaps bobbed up from beneath the light blue skirt with her every step down the ramp. Suspenders roped a white collared blouse cinched with a ridiculous red bow. God, her hair _was_ blue. To the root. She started a slow circuit of the room, fingers brushing chainlink, ductile piping, and steel beams. Like she was on a field trip to a warehouse. Did she go to school around here?

"This is a joint occupancy cellar for the restaurant above us and the one next to it. A diesel generator powers their walk-in freezer. There are other things I like about it. The soda machine. The passive RF shielding." She stopped short of a lawn chair loitering in front of Shinji and squared her face with his. He kept waiting for her to blink, for her thin lips to smile or to buckle into a frown. He settled for the softness easing into her brow. "Do you know me?"

"What?"

"My face…is it familiar?"

"…what?" Shinji looked around for help, finding none from the stores of flour and empty crates. "I don't…is it supposed to?"

The girl smiled at something at her feet and breathed through her nose. "I guess not. This has been harrowing for you, I'm certain. You could have died any number of times outside."

"I haven't really thought about…" He paused when he noticed her blood eyes walking up and down his body. The building shook. Boom, boom, boom, _boom_. "Holy shit," he said.

"Are you afraid to die?" she asked. She glided back to the freezer. She could be walking on the bottom of the sea. "That's cool. But you may have to marshal those feelings in the future."

"Why? This type of thing happens all the time?"

"I don't know. But do not be surprised if it happens again tomorrow. Or a week from now." She flicked a light switch, throwing them in and out of darkness. "Know plenty of trains and buses will take you from here. Many of the routes are subsidized for students and government employees. The city practices a formidable emergency evacuation plan."

"That's awesome." _Boom_. "Great."

"It is indeed awesome and great," she said. "You may yet like living here. It is a technological Babylon."

"People really call it that?" he asked.

"I suppose people who live elsewhere call it that. A resident would sound rather self-important."

"So you're not from here?"

"I haven't lived here in years, but I was born here." She raised a platinum eyebrow. "Am I self-important yet?"

Shinji held his breath. She cocked her head forward and looked up at him, daring him to answer seriously. By and large, the war outside drummed on farther and farther away. Shinji slipped the straps of his backpack and exhaled. "You seem pretty modest to me."

"You haven't seen me dance." She put her hands on her hips and sashayed back a step. "Do you dance?"

Shinji fanned the air with a hand. "Oh, no. _No_…"

"Have someone teach you. Get on a floor somewhere and embarrass yourself. There are perks to some forms of dance, like prizes and grinding pelvises with a member of the opposite sex."

"Okay," said Shinji. "That was a really weird thing to say to me. Not all of it. Just that last part."

"That is why my friends say I am a work in progress."

Shinji laid his backpack on the floor and sat on it. "Are your friends from here?"

"Dude, I am an enigma. Let it go."

He did. It'd be worth pursuing if he weren't so tired—the adrenalin bleeding off, maybe. He pinned his forehead to his dirty knees. "I've thought about going back home. I've had the time to. But I'm here now, right? There's no going back."

"You can always go back," she said.

Shinji shrugged. He kneaded his shoulder where his backpack had been choking off his circulation. "Maybe I'd feel differently if I came here on my own, but I was summoned."

"Hm." She nodded. "By your father."

_Boom_.

Someone picked up Shinji's brain and spiked it against his skull. He gaped at her, vision doubling up. "How do you know my father?"

"I know him by his lies. I know him by the meaning of death he's bestowed upon me." Shinji craned his neck. He could see only her eyes, two jewels hooded beneath the glare of electric lights. How long had she been standing over him? "Because of your father, I am afraid to die. That fear is my true place of birth, the seed of my soul. I am grateful, but I do not thank him. I envy you your instinctual fear of death, Shinji."

Shinji swallowed. "My father's name is Gendo Ikari."

"Yes. That's it."

"Who are you?"

"Rei. You will know their lies when you see my face."

They were dropped into an earthquake. Rei staggered back. The lawn chair closed around her leg, wrestling her to the ground. Tin cans and condiments jitterbugged on their shelves—pickle jars leapt to their deaths. The freezer groaned and stretched like the skin of a silver drum. It kept coming. Shinji took the time to look at the lights above, their sway throwing metronome shadows across the floor. Whatever he shouted at Rei, she answered with a quick headshake; how unnecessary.

Shinji had smacked his head on the ground before the ride was over. Maybe that was why he was thinking words instead of saying them. He struggled to say something…

"That was bigger than the rest!" Smooth.

Rei was ahead of him, having kicked the lawn chair off her legs and stood. She lifted him by the crook of his elbow. "On your feet," she said. "It is time for enormous bravery."

His legs were still rubber, boneless, useless. Somehow Rei still pulled him down the side corridor. He lifted his backpack from where he'd been dragging it along the floor, slinging it across his back with his free arm. He stumbled by cages brimming with barrels, boxes and tables. Halfway down the hall, he peaked over her shoulder and glimpsed a door dislocated from its hinges. They were leaving. "Do you know why my dad sent for me? You know, don't you?"

"Not enough time to explain. My answers will have meaning provided we meet again. I want to meet again. To wait all this time and to see you just once wouldn't be cool. But I've risked much to meet you today."

The door flung back as she shoved through it. They pounded up one flight, and twisted up into another dusted with faint light trickling from above_. The other restaurant_, thought Shinji. They reached the top step and turned into sunlight streaming over empty booths with half-eaten pastries and spilled wines, naked counters and bare barstools, and a lectern with a stack of menus. They stopped at the front entrance, lavish typeface etched backwards into its frosted glass. Rei traded locked arms for locked eyes. Shinji couldn't look away. "We will meet again if we're careful and smart. For now, we've never met, Shinji. Tell no one we spoke. It just wouldn't be cool."

Rei opened the door, shoved him through it, and slammed it shut.

She had just kicked him out of _Geneviève's._ Sounded French. Shinji tried catching her vanishing back into the cellar. Hopeless. Sunlight played tricks on the stone cottage décor inside and the storefront reflecting his soiled slacks, his frumpy, half-tucked shirt…his confusion.

Shinji walked out to the middle of the street. The asphalt swayed below him—he was still walking on stilts. He looked elsewhere: to his left, seeing tortured steel and fuselages gutted by flames; and power lines successfully tackled to the ground and sparking in protest. One lucky storefront had its face politely caved in with a bus.

"Hey!"

He looked to his right, and up. And up. Far, far away, but still not nearly far enough away, a column of fire supported heaven.

"Hey! Harry Fucking Houdini. Harry F. Houdini!"

Shinji looked across the street. He noticed the car first, a sporty number that had mounted the curb. Something had smashed the car's front windshield. And shaved off half of its blue paintjob. And ate its sideview mirror. And sat on its roof. And stole its hubcaps. And kicked in its taillight.

Then Shinji noticed the woman leaning against the car door. She had poured herself into a black one-piece dress that ran out of material a little above mid-thigh. A lot above. He remembered the photograph he'd brought with him, the woman in it bending over at the waist and winking. He remembered the arrow pointing at her cleavage—her smile. The woman across the street was not smiling.

But she was looking at him. She seemed unfazed by the runnel of blood trickling down her face behind her sunglasses.

Shinji waved.

The woman snatched the shades off of her face. "Get your ass in the car."

4A – Shinji gets in the car and they drive to headquarters

4B – Shinji doesn't get into the car

**4C - Misato gets a call-and it's not good (Go To Chapter 8)**

4D - Shinji passes out

4E – All of the Above

**Voting is now closed for this chapter.**


	5. 2A

**Chapter:** 2A - Shinji Lives at NERV Headquarters

**Choice Path:** Start – 1A - 2A

**Author:** Fresh C

Misato was much more insistent than Shinji would have thought possible. She reiterated over and over again that staying with her would not be a problem. There was extra space she was not using, she'd feel awful if he had to live all alone, it'd be nice to come home to a man at night, ect. Shinji was surprised and embarrassed by the extent of her kindness, but he could not imagine taking her up on it. He was sure Misato had her own life to live. All he would do was get in the way. Though he was tempted to let Misato win him over with her enthusiasm, he felt it would be selfish of him to impose on her like that.

Refusing her offer was another matter entirely. Misato did not understand the meaning of the words, "no thank you." It took several tries for Shinji to get the message through. In the end, he was forced to interrupt her phone call to his father asking for permission.

"I appreciate what you're trying to do," he had said. "But I can take care of myself."

The smile fell from Misato's face and she said, "I won't force you."

Only then did it occur to him that she might not have been faking her enthusiasm for having a new roommate. He briefly doubted his decision, but soon talked himself out of it. There was no reason for them to live together.

It wasn't like they were family.

In contrast, Ritsuko seemed quite pleased with his decision. She personally escorted him to his room and gave him a brief tour of the living quarters.

The living quarters were only a few floors below the surface entrance of the building. It was a rather long elevator ride up from the hospital wing, which was located conveniently close to the Eva cages. Ritsuko filled the silence with light chit-chat.

"It was a wise decision to stay here," she said. "You'll find that the accommodations are quite convenient for employees. Everything you could possibly need is available to you here."

"Hmm," said Shinji. "Do you live here, then?"

"I might as well," said Ritsuko smiling at the irony. "I've gone days at a time without leaving the complex. It's like a second home to me."

It occurred to Shinji that Ritsuko's job probably kept her very busy. He had not considered how much work was done regularly between angel attacks. Maybe he was getting himself into more than he'd bargained for. The elevator reached its destination and Shinji followed Ritsuko out the doors.

His first impression of the living quarters was lackluster. In his mind he had built up an image similar to the apartment complexes he'd seen people stay in on TV, complete with paintings on the walls, flowers in the entrance way, and a face plate on each door. Instead, he was greeted by the same bland colorless hallways found everywhere else in NERV. He did note that the naming convention for the hallways actually followed alphabetical order, and the numbers on the door were chronological as well. There were also more people walking about this part of the building than anywhere he'd previously visited (Which admittedly only consisted of the Eva cages and the hospital wing).

"Here we are," said Ritsuko as she showed him the door to his room. The faceplate read, "J-324". There were no other identifying characteristics to his door or any of the others in the hallway. Ritsuko slid her keycard through the card reader and the automatic door slid open.

The room was small. There was no getting around that. A full sized bed took up the majority of the space. The dresser on the opposite wall, took most of what was left. There was also a small fridge/freezer combo that had been built into the wall to save space. Shinji easily covered the length of the room in six or seven steps. There were no windows and LED lights lined the ceiling. Though he felt somewhat cheated, his mind was already contemplating ways to make the room more livable. If he moved the dresser to the far wall, next to the headboard of his bed, the room would open up considerably.

He opened the door to the bathroom and was surprised at its size. It was only slightly smaller than his bedroom and the design reminded him heavily of the restrooms found at train terminals. The sink and toilet ran automatically based on sensors. There was even an air dryer for his hands. The shower was larger than the one he'd used at his uncle's house and he noticed there was no switch to turn the hot water on. Apparently the water was always heated. Shinji figured that all in all, Ritsuko was right. What the room lacked in personality, it made up for in convenience.

The only thing that really bothered Shinji about the room, was the door on the other side of the bathroom. When Shinji tried to open it, he found that it was firmly locked. At his questioning look Ritsuko explained.

"These rooms are suites," she said. "Usually the bathrooms are shared between two rooms, but I wouldn't worry about it. Right now the room next you is unoccupied and we haven't hired any new employees in some time."

Shinji shrugged. Even if someone else did move in next to him, sharing a bathroom wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. He was more concerned with the lack of appliances around. He supposed he could wash his clothes at a laundry mat, even if it was inconvenient. But without a kitchen it would be rather hard to cook. He didn't want to have to eat out every day, even if his stipend could cover the costs.

Ritsuko explained that there was a cafeteria on the floor below them that served all employees free of charge. There were also community kitchens and washers/dryers in each hallway for the residents to share. Overall, Shinji was underwhelmed by the accommodations, but the thought of finding somewhere else to live did not occur to him. It wasn't paradise, but it was free.

xxxxxxxxxx

After Ritsuko left, Shinji took some time to acclimate himself to his new surroundings. A thorough examination showed that the room was immaculately clean. And since Shinji had not brought many belongings with him there wasn't much to arrange either. With nothing but time on his hands, he laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling. There was nothing else to do with himself. It was the first time he'd lived on his own.

His uncle had not been the most personable person in the world, so Shinji was used to being relatively by himself. But there had always been chores or some other small tasks for him to carry out when he was there. His uncle put him to work constantly cooking and cleaning around the house. He never disliked the work. It felt like payment for him being able to stay there. In all honesty, he was grateful to his uncle for the opportunity. He wasn't sure he'd be able to live there if he hadn't at least pulled his own weight. He couldn't stand being even more of a burden.

Living on his own, he had nothing like that to worry about. He was there on his own merits. Even though he'd been forced into piloting and wasn't very good at it, this room was his. There was nothing else he had to do to earn it. He did not need anyone's approval to have it. It wasn't a gift to be taken away.

"It's mine," said Shinji to the ceiling. "Mine."

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Shiji did not have a NERV ID card, which meant his options for dinner that night were considerably slim. The card not only gave him access to various sections of the base, but it also served as debit card to withdraw funds from his stipend. With the limited money he had on his person, he didn't feel comfortable looking for somewhere to eat on the surface. He didn't know Tokyo-3 well enough to be sure he could find a cheap restaurant and he certainly didn't feel like hauling groceries from a store. So he decided to eat in the cafeteria.

The elevators at NERV allowed general access to the upper levels without an ID card. That is to say, if a hungry trespasser was able to make it past the various security checks on the surface levels leading into the building, they were more than welcome to visit the off duty staff in the living quarters, or have a snack in the cafeteria. Shinji took full advantage of this and made his way to the floor below.

The cafeteria was larger than Shinji expected. At his old school, the gym where the teachers set up tables for lunch was roughly half the size of this one, and it had never been filled to capacity. The fact that everyone present was an adult, most several times his age, did not help Shinji feel at ease. Though most people were wrapped up in their own meals and conversations, many surprised stares came his way. He heard several whispers of "Third Child" and "Commander's Son" as he passed through the rows of dining employees.

The A la Carte line was relatively short. In no time Shinji was helping himself to a plate of food. He tried to create a decent balance of meats and vegetables, but found himself straying more and more toward the meat side. The desert tray also proved quite tempting. His hands reached for a cup of pudding on autopilot. When he left the line to go to the checkout counter his tray was much fuller than he'd expected.

The man behind the register was perhaps the youngest employee of NERV that Shinji had met so far. He looked as if he might still be in highschool, but Shinji doubted they hired people that young. When the man asked Shinji for his card, he had a floundering moment of awkwardness before the man realized his mistake.

"Oh that's right, they told me the commander's son might show up. My bad."

He rang up the meal using his own card, and let Shinji take a seat. Even though the food was good, it was an awkward meal for Shinji. He could not help but feel out of place. He sat at a table all by himself, and he could see people occasionally turn to look at him every now and then. By the end of the meal even he was starting to wonder what he was doing in such a place. He found himself eating much quicker than he usually did and he was greatly relieved when he was able to leave to the privacy of his room.

xxxxxxxxxx

Shinji jumped ten feet in the air when Ritsuko contacted him via intercom that evening. The small speaker near the doorway packed a big punch, and the sound of the doctor's voice completely filled the room. Ritsuko must have heard his small scream of surprise as she quickly went on to explain the various functions of the intercom system, including the volume control feature.

Apparently this was just one of several things she had failed to inform him of earlier, do to time constraints. She told him that he would be starting school the next morning, which for some reason caught Shinji off guard. He'd figured that being mankind's first and last defense against a powerful alien threat would exempt him from school work, but this was not the case. Shinji wasn't upset about this development, as he had very little to occupy himself with at headquarters.

Aside from this information, Ritsuko instructed him on a few little details. Such as locking and unlocking his door. She also explained that his keycard should be ready by the morning. An employee would deliver it to him and direct him on the best way to get to school.

The next morning, Shinji woke up early to get ready for school. It was a little strange using an automatic toilet while not in public and even stranger using an air dryer for his hands, but he was sure he'd get used to it in time. Likewise, the showerhead in the tub was lower than he would have liked, but the pressure of the water was much better than at his uncle's house. All in all the experience was not unpleasant.

Almost as soon as he was done dressing and brushing his teeth, someone knocked on his door. After finding the button to open the door, he was greeted by the sight of a woman with shoulder length black hair.

"Good morning, Mr. Ikari," said the woman with a smile. "I'm here to deliver your ID card."

Shinji was once again surprised at the number of attractive women working at NERV. Though this woman seemed quite normal in comparison to Ritsuko's strange hair color, and Misato's almost flaunting presence. It didn't hurt that she was actually wearing a black business suit, which fit Shinji's mental image of a company more than the sea of beige uniforms he was used to seeing.

"Thank you," he said as he took the card from her hands. It surprised him how pleased he was to meet someone who was both kind and normal.

"You're welcome," said the woman. "My name is Naomi. I live next door to you in room J-325. Welcome to NERV."

Shinji thanked her again and felt slightly awkward that he didn't know what else to say. Luckily, Naomi wasted little time in continuing the conversation.

"If you're ready to go, I can show you where your school is," she said. "I have business to attend to in the same direction. You don't mind walking do you?" He did not mind.

After Shinji finished his morning preparations, the two of them made their way out of NERV. The elevator ride to the surface was short, thankfully, so things didn't get too awkward. When they reached the surface, they both scanned their ID cards at the check point. Shinji found this simple action held a certain weight to it. It signified that he was more than just a guest visiting at his father's beckoning. He was an actual employee, just like the woman standing beside him.

When he looked up from this small revelation, he saw that Naomi was lightly smiling. Shinji quickly averted his gaze, but could help but smile a little himself. The two of them continued onward in silence.

The area surrounding NERV was mostly devoid of life. Only a few people seemed to be walking the streets at any given time, and most were heading away from the area. At first glance it seemed as if it were a business district, but certain details made Shinji discard that idea. None of the buildings had any signs on them that would indicate what type of company owned them, and even more telling, there were some buildings that did not even have doors.

"Most of these are defense support structures," Naomi explained. "We use them to house weaponry and supplies for the Eva Units. They only look like skyscrapers for aesthetic reasons."

"Oh." Shinji was glad for the knowledge because he wouldn't have asked, and he would have never guessed the answer on his own. Naomi explaining things did have one downside, as it made him aware of just how quiet the two of them were. She was clearly not the type to drive a conversation like Misato, who naturally filled up silent moments, or Ritsuko who simply wasn't around unless she had something important to say to him. Naomi was more reserved. It seemed as if she didn't mind talking to him, but also didn't feel obligated to do so. Shinji was not a big fan of the ambiguity, so in a rare display of initiative he decided to start things himself.

"So… what do you do at NERV?" he asked.

It seemed like an easy no thought question when he asked it, but Naomi took several moments to contemplate an answer.

"My job requires me to fill a lot of different functions, so it's a little hard to qualify," she said. "I guess you could say that I'm one of many employees responsible for managing NERV's assets."

"Ok," said Shinji but he had no idea what she was talking about. Naomi elaborated.

"A large company like NERV requires many resources for its continual operation. Despite the nature of our company being the last line of defense, many of those resources are sought after by other people or even sabotaged for someone's personal gain. It's my job to protect our recourses from any threat, whether internal or external, so that NERV can continue to function smoothly."

"But who would try to damage NERV?" asked Shinji. "Like… spies?"

Naomi's amused smile made him feel kind of stupid. "Maybe, spies," she said jokingly. "Or maybe rival corporations, or maybe someone who wishes to hold assets ransom and sell them to us at a higher price. It could just be someone who disagrees with how things are run at NERV. Either way, it's my job to find those people and stop them if I can."

Clearly Naomi was a woman with a very important job. It occurred to Shinji that the people who he was regularly in contact with were all very high up in NERV's ranks. With Dr. Akagi being the head of Project E, Misato being the head of Angel operations, and his father being the commander of the whole company, literally every person he'd met was integral to the operation of the company. It made him feel somewhat flattered, and somewhat out of place. Was he really important enough to be surrounded by these people? It wasn't like he had any special skills or talents. He was just a pilot. A pilot who barely lived through his first combat encounter.

Shinji was pulled from his darkening thoughts by their proximity to the school. The building was three stories high, and at least twice as large as his old school. It seemed as if they arrived right on time as many kids around his age were heading through the gates and congregating around the front door of the building. He noticed that most of the students were walking in groups, and that none of those groups contained women over the age of twenty-five. Luckily he was not the only one to pick up on this.

"I trust you can find your way from here," said Naomi.

Shinji nodded. "Thank you for escorting me." The words sounded too formal to his own ears, but Naomi only smiled.

"Have a good first day."

xxxxxxxxxx

It was a simple matter for Shinji to find his way to his homeroom. The hallways were nowhere near as confusing as NERV. After climbing the stairs and rounding a corner, he was right there at class 2-A. A few students looked up from their various conversations when he walked into the door. Like the cafeteria at NERV, he was instantly recognized as a newcomer. Shinji felt himself shrinking back in disease. He wanted to take a seat at one of the desks, but he wasn't sure which ones already belonged to another student.

_My Name is Shinji Ikari. I hope we can all get along well._

Luckily his discomfort didn't last too long as the class representative, a brownhaired girl with pigtails, came up to him and directed him to a seat.

"You must be the new transfer student," she said. "The teacher told me to get you set up for class before lessons start."

The girl's name was Hikari Horaki and diligence was her game. She pulled a laptop from one of the cabinets and set it at his desk. Shinji was surprised to find out that the school issued laptops to each student that could be used in class or at home. Hikari explained this as well as the rules governing the laptops as she leaned over his desk and set attempted to set up his network access.

"No games, no off-topic web browsing, do not install unauthorized programs, and no instant messaging during class."

_My Name is Shinji Ikari. I'll be your new classmate. Let's be nice to each other…_

Shinji nodded as she listed off each restriction, but Hikari didn't seem to be paying him any attention. She was still busy fiddling with settings for the computer. Judging from the look on her face, the laptop was not being cooperative.

"Aida, could you give me a hand with this?" she asked.

_My Name is Shinji Ikari. I don't have to say anything else, do I? Can I sit down now please?_

A boy with glasses and (strangely enough) a camcorder came up to Shinji's desk and offered advice.

"Did you turn on the WLAN switch?" he asked.

"The what?"

"This," said Aida as he hit the switch that must have controlled the WLAN… whatever that was. Shinji was just as clueless as the Class Rep. Luckily Aida's singular action had the wireless up and running on the laptop.

"Thanks, Aida," said Hikari.

He gave her a satisfied smile and said, "No problem." Then he turned to Shinji and added, "Try not to give the class rep too much of a hard time."

_Listen up, The name's Ikari and you better not forget it. Cha!_

Shinji wasn't sure how to take that statement, but he did know where to go next time he had computer troubles. Both Aida and Hikari returned to their seat after that. The teacher came in and the moment Shinji was dreading occurred.

Hikari said, "Rise, Bow, Sit" and the teacher called him forward to introduce himself.

Shinji shakily wrote his name on the board then turned around and said, "S-Shinji Ikari. Hope we can get along." He couldn't get back to his seat fast enough.

xxxxxxxxxx

No sooner had the lesson begun than Shinji's laptop exploded with IM messages. The volume was still on so the beeping noises were audible to everyone in the room. When the teacher looked around for the source of the disturbance, Shinji was surprised when Aida stood up and said "I'm sorry, Sensei. I forgot to turn my phone off."

The teacher seemed not to mind so much after seeing who the culprit was. Class resumed with a simple "don't let it happen again." Shinji used this distraction to turn down his volume and discretely check his messages.

They were all the same. _Are you the pilot? What's it like? How tall is your robot? My friend said you ripped off that monster's arms and beat him with it._

Shinji didn't know where to start. Ritsuko had said that many things regarding the Evangelion were classified and that it would be better if he didn't answer any specific questions about how it works (the AT field and LCL were particularly off limits). But she'd said nothing about letting people know that he was a pilot. Even so, he was hesitant to say anything. Once the information was public, he knew he could not get it back.

The screen name stood out to Shinji. The message in that window mentioned nothing about piloting. It simply said, "_The mute button is your friend._"

"_Sorry,_" Shinji responded. He felt bad for causing trouble on his first day. "_Thank you for covering for me._"

"_Don't worry about it._"

Aida did not immediately respond and Shinji didn't receive any new messages right away. He decided to close all the message boxes aside from Kensuke's. If they really wanted to know, they could ask him in person. Just as he finished closing the last of the boxes another message from Aida appeared.

"_Can I ask you a question?"_

Shinji knew what was coming, but a part of him had hoped he was wrong.

"_Okay."_

"_Is it true?"_ Before Shinji could begin to type a response a clarifying message appeared. "_Are you the Evangelion pilot?_"

Maybe it was the way Aida asked that made Shinji drop his guard. He didn't attack him with the question like the other students. And it honestly seemed as if Kensuke had his best interest at heart. Why else would he take the blame for him?

Shinji did hesitate, but in his mind the decision was already made.

"_Yes_".

xxxxxxxxxx

Shinji knew that Toji was angry; his scowling face and shaking fist made that clear. He knew enough to be afraid of the bigger boy, but he wasn't sure just how afraid he should be until the first came forward.

Shinji saw every moment of the attack. Toji pulled back his arm and telegraphed the punch clearly. Even going so far as to pause before saying, "I'll make sure you remember the name of Mari Suzahara until you die." The fist leapt into motion, hitting him squarely in the left eye. Shinji went limp on instinct because _IT HURT._

Even though Toji had a good hold on his collar the momentum from the blow carried them both to the ground. Shinji didn't have time to guard before another fist connected in the same place. And Shinji knew then that it was over… there was nothing left for him to do but rot and die.

_Pain exploded in his eye like a hammer made of light. Over and over and over and…_ Shinji just screamed and whimpered. Someone said, "That's enough Toji." But it was not enough. He was struck _again and again and again_ and suddenly he stopped yelling and pleading because he knew it wouldn't help. It didn't solve anything. So he sat there quietly waiting for an end to the torture. Letting each blow wash over him in waves of anguish.

Then suddenly… it all went away. The boy who was hitting him breathed heavily on top of him for several moments, before abruptly standing. Shinji kept his eyes shut tight, but heard the footsteps growing further and further.

Aida said, "Jesus, are you alright?"

Shinji did not respond. He just laid there quietly hoping that this too would pass.

"What should I do?" asked Kensuke. "Should I get somebody or… " but he trailed off into silence.

"I'm sorry," he said… "I'm sorry."

Then he was gone too. All that was left was Shinji and the world behind his eyelids. He could hear the wind blowing through the trees and cicadas chirping in the distance. He could feel the heat of the asphalt on his back, and taste the blood in his mouth. But all these sensations were the same as the pain itself. And so, he waited patiently for them to pass away as well.

xxxxxxxxxx

"They're gone," said Naomi as she stood over Shinji's prone form. His face tightened some, but there was no other response. "You can get up now."

If Shinji opened his eyes, he would have had to see her staring down at him in pity and disgust. He would have remembered why he'd been attacked: His great ineptitude in all manners of life. So he laid very still and focused all his attention on not crying.

Naomi squatted down next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Shinji's eyes shot open on reflex.

"It's over," she said. "Let's go home."

Without another word, she stood up and Shinji's eyes followed her the entire way. From his position on the ground it felt like she was towering over him, a mighty giant looking down at a worm. But the expression on her face made it clear that she wasn't looking down at him. She wasn't smiling, laughing, pitying, or judging. She was only watching him. Watching and waiting.

After a moment Naomi extended her hand out for him to grab. Shinji took it and she helped him to his feet.

"Thank you," he said. Their eyes did not meet.

The walk back was mostly uneventful. Naomi didn't say a word to him and Shinji wanted nothing more than to disappear. His face felt like he'd stuffed bags of sand in his cheeks, and there was the coppery taste of blood in his mouth. Keeping his left eye open was difficult. He didn't want to know what he looked like, nor did he want Naomi to see the extent of the damage, so he walked with his head angled downward. Even so, he knew he was a sad sight.

As they neared the NERV complex a question was born in Shinji's mind. It gnawed at him as they walked pass the security gates and took the elevator to the floors below. By the time they reached his room and (to Shinji's shock) Naomi used _her_ keycard to open _his_ door, the question had consumed him.

"Why were you there?"

Naomi didn't smile and say, "Oh just passing through the neighborhood." She gave Shinji a simple answer that he wasn't expecting.

"I was following you."

"Why?" He asked. Outrage teaming at the edge of his voice.

"it's my job."

Shinji felt the indignation then. NERV was spying on him like some sort of criminal. Suddenly it all made sense. Why Ritsuko had worked so hard to sell him on the new room, why someone like Naomi would be tasked with something as simple as walking him to school, why everyone and their grandmother had access to his personal space. He'd nearly died fighting for NERV and they still couldn't trust him.

His voice was almost hollow as he said, "If my father thought I needed a babysitter, he could have done the job himself."

"Your father has more agents protecting him in public than most presidents," said Naomi. "Is it really so surprising that he'd want someone to protect you too?"

Shinji was somewhat taken aback by the implications of that statement, but he didn't let it go to his head. His father didn't care about him. He just needed a pilot.

"If you're a bodyguard, then you're not a very good one."

Naomi nodded. "I'm not a body guard and I'm not a babysitter," she said. "I'm a Section 2 Agent. My job is to protect NERV's assets, whatever they may be. But you're not a thing, Shinji. You're a person. As long as you are able and willing to pilot the Evangelion, I won't interfere in your life."

Shinji didn't know what to say to that. The thought of being watched constantly left him feeling uneasy, and nothing Naomi said would make that go away.

"I didn't want to tell you any of this," she confessed. "I wouldn't have said anything if I thought you'd be better off not knowing. But some assets can be guarded from a distance, and some require a more personal touch."

"I'm not…" Shinji started to say, but he didn't know how to finish it. Frail? Weak? Pathetic? He couldn't say any of them. Even if denying his own weakness convinced Naomi, lying would only make him hate himself more.

"Listen Shinji. Your problem is not that you can't fight, nor that you are being bullied. What I saw today was not one boy defeating another. What I saw was Suzahara attacking, and you simply giving up."

Shinji had felt ashamed of the incident from the start, but this was the first time he felt that Naomi was ashamed of him as well.

"There was nothing I could have done…"

"You could have fought back, Shinji."

"He's bigger than me…"

"You could have tried to run."

Shinji shook his head remembering the way Toji had pinned him down. Knees on either side of him restricting his motion.

"I couldn't do anything," he said.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe not," Naomi conceded. "But you didn't try."

Once again the words felt like a slap to the face.

"I saw the footage from the battle with the angel as well. You did the same thing then. You laid there and let the enemy assault you. What do you think would have happened if the EVA had not gone berserk?" From the look on Shinji's face she could tell this was not something he wanted to talk about, yet she persisted. "You would have died, Shinji. We all would have died."

Shinji found that his hands were not large enough to hide his face from reality.

"I know!" he said. The silence that followed seemed to echo throughout the room.

"Shinji," said Naomi. Her voice was much softer now. "Shinji look at me."

After realizing that Naomi wasn't just going to go away, Shinji slowly raised his head to meet her eyes.

"Problems don't go away because you refuse to face them. They just get worse. If you give up every time you're forced to fight, you're only going to get hurt more and more. This is especially true if your enemy is stronger."

"When people see weakness, the natural response is to attack more. There is no such thing as having taken enough abuse. For people like Suzahara, who cause pain and suffering in order to compensate for their own, it is never enough. "

"I… just want it to stop," said Shinji.

"Then you'll have to give him a reason to stop. Suzahara is hurting you to relieve his own pain. But if fighting you only causes him more pain, then he has no reason to do so. He has to learn that if he hurts you, he will be hurt as well."

Shinji tried to picture himself kneeling over Toji and striking him the way he was struck, but the image did not feel real.

"I can't…"

"I'm not asking you to win, Shinji. He _is_ bigger than you. He _does_ have more experience fighting than you, and if he wants to he_ can_ continue to hurt you. No, all I'm asking you to do is to fight."

Shinji continued to stare at his hands. Without thought he balled them into a fist before unclenching them again. He was weak. Toji was strong. Did he even have the ability to fight someone like that? After what happened to Toji's sister, did he even have the right?

He looked up at Naomi's face and saw the same look from earlier. She wasn't condemning his indecision, or despising his weakness. Her eyes merely observed him asking, "What will you do?"

In his heart, Shinji knew the answer.

5A – Shinji Fights

**5B – Shinji Fights Dirty (go to Ch 7)**

5C – Shinji Fights REALLY DIRTY

5D – Shinji Pansys Out

**Voting is now Closed for this Chapter.  
><strong>


	6. 3B

**Chapter:** 3B -Shinji refused to run away a second time.  
><strong>Choice<strong>**Path****:** Start** - **1B - 3B  
><strong>Author<strong>**:** The Mustachioed Cat

A battered blue Renault drifted through Tokyo-3's Outer Ward, horn blaring, ignoring all posted signage and common sense. The driver's skin was slick with cold sweat, her eyes screwed into a squint despite the wrap-around sunglasses. _**Just **__**get **__**the **__**kid**_ - the phrase was on repeat in her head, echolalia induced by toxic amounts of coffee and study pills.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
>(((Misato Katsuragi)))<br>Age: 27 (29)  
>Rank: Captain (but probably not for much longer)<br>Contiguous Waking Hours: 33  
>\\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Yesterday: The Angel, pinged at the easternmost extreme of Pacific sovereignty. The UN, scrapping her battleplan and having SDF MPs escort her off the bridge when she protested. Ritsu, in the vending area outside Central Dogma telling her to _**Just **__**get **__**the **__**kid**_.

And Captain Katsuragi had tried. It wasn't her fault the highway exits had been blocked by civilians half-remembering evacuation procedures. It wasn't her fault that NERV and the UN had been pinging the Angel with increasingly exotic forms of energy that had scrambled her GPS. But everything else was her fault. Her _responsibility_.

When she finally had found the kid, it was in a combat situation: him in the midst of nearly being vaporized by an exploding VOTL, her trying to avoid the titanic black hooks that were falling out of the sky.

As the Captain was jogging the car into reverse to avoid the distressingly large pieces of building that were raining down, knowing even as she did so that it was the kid she should be worried about, he had run by in a blur of black and white and disappeared up the street.

Gone, gone, the _**Just **__**get **__**the **_kid was gone by the time she had managed to get clear of the debris. A tense ten minutes dodging through streets, looking for that splash of black and white, even as the black hooks worked their way through buildings, at times drifting into the air like it was nothing and then slamming back down. No more VOTL or tank fire, no more sirens. Just Misato and an Angel and the cracking of pavement and buildings and the hiss of downed electrical wire and the smashpatter of water from ruptured holding tanks raining down from collapsing rooftops and the BOOM of what had to be an exploding gas main and breaking glass always always ALWAYS.

And no kid. A terrified Tuxedo cat skittering up a utility pole and a few running dogs - including a beautiful golden retriever that chose a less-than-opportune moment to try and cross the street - but no Shinji Ikari.

No Commander's son.

No Third Child.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

They took out the Angel. NERV, not the UN. It took six of the ten N2 mines they kept in strategic reserve. Simultaneous detonation of shaped aerial charges had vaporized the bone-like growths on the Angel's hips and shoulder. The black hook-feet and all the rest of the Angel promptly lost form, spreading out a suffocating layer of muted black quasi-liquid that ate anything it came into contact with, including the geography beneath it - though thankfully the downward effect ceased once the mass had become perfectly level.

In the middle of that inky blotch of landscape was an intact ruby-red core.

Disabled, Ritsuko had said, but not dead. NERV needed an Eva to finish the Angel off. They needed Unit One. And that meant they needed the Third Child.

And that was when the panic had started to build in Katsuragi, joining fear and remorse to become an engine for manic purpose. Unknowing, she had sabotaged the first official deployment of the Evangelion weapon system. She had effectively done something exactly counter to NERV's purpose for being - she had _prolonged __the __existence __of __an __Angel_.

So after being informed as to why Shinji Ikari was required for any mission going forward, and after she had driven an acceptable distance into the Outer Ward and just totally lost her shit in the growing evening shadow of an untouched apartment complex, Captain Katsuragi had returned to the forward command post overlooking the Angel's dead sea and taken charge of finding the boy.

More than half of the Outer Ward had been flattened, so even with all non-essential personnel - and any essential personnel that weren't on-shift - on the ground looking for Shinji Ikari, it had still taken nearly sixteen hours to locate him.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Alive. Hurt but alive. That's what the woman on the phone had said. _**Lucky**__**lucky**__**lucky**_ flashed through Misato's mind, but didn't stay. _**Just **__**get **__**the **__**kid**_ quickly crowded it out.

And now she was racing through streets made narrow with lines of abandoned cars, leaning on the horn, letting out a building scream whenever she passed through an intersection and was not transformed into a twisted mass of crackling metal by way of unexpected perpendicular force, giggling and gulping coffee from her thermos because Alive. Hurt but alive.

Pulling up behind the APC that had signaled her. Up and out. Scanning the debris field and spying someone coming around a hump of support beam, Katsuragi immediately set off across the debris, picking over the shifting mass of splintered wood and shattered ceramic and concrete.

Circling the support beam, Katsuragi found four rescue workers arranged in a rough circle at the edge of a break in the wreckage. One of them, a woman, gestured to Katsuragi, then rejoined everyone in looking into the deepness at their feet. No one was talking. And just like that, Katsuragi's relief turned into dread. Because **Hurt**_**. **_Alive, **but ****hurt**.

Crossing to the break took seconds, but in that time the Captain had envisioned every horrible scenario that could be fairly described as 'hurt, but alive.' She imagined the boy, that smear of black and white, pinned under heavy beams of steel, his legs destroyed and the only thing keeping him from bleeding out was the weight of what had crushed him. She imagined him sitting against a pile of debris in a position that would have been perfectly innocuous except for the three strands of blood-slick rebar emerging from his stomach and chest. She imagined him alive, awake, but completely unresponsive, a bloody dent in the side of his skull, everything that had been or ever would be the Third Child churned up into so much gray soup.

Each horrible image seemed as likely as the last. The rescue workers just standing at the top of the hole, looking down in mute horror, perhaps realizing that it was over. Everything. The Angel was going to win.  
>She crossed to the edge, and looked down, and saw:<p>

Red. A cavity perhaps two meters deep, its walls and floor covered in shapes that, while unplacable, seemed familiar. Curved sheets and looped tubes and 'blister' protrusions as long as the Captain's arm. And all of it was red; a liquid almost-black in the bottom, seguing into deep caberenet around mid-depth, and finally arriving at a flacking, peeling burgundy toward the top, where sunlight had cooked it. The blood. Cooked the blood. Where the sunlight had cooked the blood.

The Captain took a step back, then another - this took the contents of the hole out of sight.

"Where is he?" she said, keeping everything out of her voice. "The target. The pilot."

"Down there," one of the rescue workers, a man, said nodding to the hole. "He's doing some Buddha thing, I dunno."

"Almost missed him," said another worker. "Covered like that, and the smell keeps you away. But he looked up as I came by and. Well, the white of his eye stood out against all... that."

Against the sum of her experience, judgement, and a wild impulse to recklessly flee, Captain Katsuragi returned to the edge of the hole and looked down.

"Told us who he was," a third worker added. "But pretty much that's it."

There were things down in the hole. Moving things. Slight shapes that flowed under and over and through the quivering slop. There was a sound, too, a popping murmur.

"Said he was no one, too," the female worker added in. "Shinji Ikari, and nothing."

There was no kid down there. Nothing at the bottom was in anything close to the right shape. Nothing but bloody Hell, all those shapes twisting now to form an optical illusion, a perversion of depth. For a moment, it was as though there were a narrow stack of organs in the very center of the hole. Like the mess had come alive and was reaching out. Reaching for her...

And then the illusory spire opened its one good eye. Inclined its head, looking up at her. What had appeared to be a random whorl of scarlet parted, revealing twin rows of gore-rubied teeth.

The thing in the hole said: "You. Were not. At. The train station."

And then it bent over, dissolving into a boy covered in blood and bad experience, coughing his guts out.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The first splitting knuckle had almost blacked him out. The sensation of his flesh being sawn into by the small serrations along the ridge of a parted beak - that wasn't something he was ready for: his own blood pooling in his fist and running down his arm and growing disgustingly cold.

By the time his final knuckle was torn open, this time ripped open by a spur of bone deep in a goose's stomach cavity, it was a pleasure. It meant: _I __am __still __alive__. __I __have __warmth __to __spare_. All while the bodies heaped around him, spilling into the growing pool at his feet, heating it momentarily.

When they were all dead, he had sunk into a half-awake state, sitting upright in the pool, shuddering and muttering random words thrown off by a brain pickled with stress and adrenaline, snapping out of it only when the pool grew too cold to sit in. By then a film had formed on the surface, strong enough for the gosling to walk over.

Rather than freeze, he began breaking open the bodies, looking for more warmth. Found the blood gathered in them was still slightly warmer than the pit – insulated against the cold, like. He began applying a layer of goose to the sides of the hole, jamming gray-yellow organs and broken wings and limbless bodies into the empty spaces between layers of debris, through which drifted the biting chill. He was already fairly covered in blood, but even with the geese coating the walls, and even though the chill had ceased to grow in intensity, he still felt cold enough to die – so he knelt into the pool and applied a layer of pudding-like blood to himself, smearing it across his tattered clothes and face. And at the end he felt... well, warmer.

Light grew in the sky overhead. He could hear distant mechanical sounds. He stood, and waited.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

It had honestly not occurred to him, to lie about who he was. It had been a fleeting idea, before the feathered rain had begun, but when presented with the option of regaining some sense of security, he took it. Might still not mean anything. Father could have died in the _monster_ attack.

"Shinji Ikari, but probably nothing," he had explained to the people, two men and a woman in identical jumpsuits. Didn't think he had gotten the idea across very well. Couldn't care.

The woman came next, bending over the hole. She was wearing a brown dress, and he recognized the hair and chest - defined quite well by a bag strap that crossed between her breasts - even before she had slipped off her sunglasses.

You weren't at the train station.

As first impressions went, Shinji supposed he sounded like a bit of a shit. The woman had backed out of sight after his reflexive observation.

Eventually the uniformed workers lowered a ladder into the hole, he sort of held on with the one working arm, and the ladder had been pulled up. The goslings surged into the gaps he had not managed to fill with their torn-apart parents and popped out on the surface of the rubble to crowd around him. They drifted along behind as he was carried to a transport, whereupon one of the uniformed men shooed them away. From the window, Shinji watched as the baby birds wandered across the street, into the grass, heading down the incline toward ENEMY ENEMY ENEMY ENEMY ENEMY ENEMY ENEMY ENEMY ENEMY ENEMY ENEMY ENEMY ENEMY ENEMY ENEMY ENEMY ENEMY ENEMY

Two of the uniforms had him on the ground the moment he staggered clear of the transport. He was screaming now, couldn't help it, as adrenaline threaded back into his brain, burning bright and demanding that stupid, filthy animal the goslings were heading toward now, that idiot goose standing in the grass on the other side of the street be neck-snapped and split open and drained into the poooooooolllluhh...

A sharp pinch at his neck and a pneumatic hiss, and the world dimmed...

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

A new place now. He was seated upright, a pair of arms holding him in place while a woman that was somehow both blonde and Japanese inspected him like a piece of meat. The dull ache of everything was back.

He lolled his head up, taking in a low ceiling an air vent, a burning-bright halogen. When the view circled down until chin hit chest, Shinji found himself dressed in a white smock. His skin had been rubbed clean and there was a cast around one arm. Bandages had been wrapped around both his hands. A tightness at his scalp suggested they had dressed the lines of hurt up there, probably had a patch over the bad eye too. Even his mouth felt clean, sterilized.

"Can you understand me, Shinji?" the woman asked, sliding a pen between chin and chest and forcing his head level. She registered him registering her, then glanced down at some kind of handheld computer.

"My father," Shinji began, and stopped. Ran his tongue over his teeth. Found two coppery wells where molars were supposed to be. ...Great.

"My father sent for me," he started again. "His name is Gendo Ikari. He..."

"Your father is Supreme Commander of NERV," the blonde woman said, scrawling her pen across the handheld, so quickly the motion had to be meaningless. "You are Shinji Ikari, the Third Child."

Supreme Comma... He'd had more children! But... "No, I'm the first one," Shinji corrected, wondering if maybe he was still in the bottom of a bloody hole, freezing to death. "First-_born_. There are... more?"

The question seemed to confuse the woman. "No, that has nothing to do... its a designation for pilots - people like you - that's all. Are we ready for the feed?" The last was directed over Shinji's shoulder.

Pilot. Shinji was considering the word as the woman walked away, and the hands that had been holding him upright relax. Another woman circled into view. Brown dress.

Pilot, as in, flying something. An airplane or a helicopter. Gods and _monsters_, they'd mistaken him for some kind of aircraft pilot. They thought he was some other Shinji Ikari. A Shinji Ikari whose father, also a Gendo Ikari, was Supreme Commander of NERV.

"I'm not what you want," he blurted. Brown dress had been conspicuously _not_ looking at him, just lingering in front of him for whatever reason, but now their gazes locked. "Pilot. I'm not a pilot. Never been up in the air, not once."

"S'a special job," she said, so softly he could barely hear. A murmur. "Something that only you can do."

"I don't know anything about that," Shinji asserted. "My father's name is Gendo Ikari. He's a scientist. He works at NERV-" The woman was nodding absently. _Why_ was she doing that?

"Your father is boss... my boss," she was saying, for some reason. "Around here, he's everyone's boss."

"But, I'm not a pilot. I don't fly," he repeated. "I can't even drive a truck."

"We... we brought you here," the woman was picking her words carefully. Her eyes were funny. Drifting. "To train you. To pilot. S'a... special position. A special role. Something only..." she blinked. Seemed to realize she was repeating herself.

She took a long gulp of what Shinji assumed was coffee.

"I'm Misato Katsuragi, by the way," she bowed slightly to him, perhaps not offering a hand because both of his were wrapped in gauze. "Nice to meet you..." she trailed off. "Uhm... sorry about... all of it."

In his head Shinji heard the pleasing cracks of a goose's neck breaking as he forced it into a reluctant, overlapping spiral. But Misato Katsuragi was not a goose. She was a woman. Shinji did not know how to deal with women. Especially women apologizing for one eye gone bad, two adult teeth missing, and something in his right arm that required a cast.

Hate. Shinji felt it, tightening his jaw and squinting his eyes, a sudden heat growing somewhere between chest and back - between the shoulder blades. Hate prompted by apology, this was new. Also new: the lack of effect it was having on his perception of the woman, Katsuragi. The hate built up, but refused to disperse, or elide onto her. It was just there, twisting his mind in odd directions, making everything around him flat and meaningless. Because nothing around him was in the right shape.

He responded to Katsuragi's introduction mechanically. Politely. He oriented on the only piece of information that existed between the two of them that had so far gone unremarked upon, and issued a meaningless compliment-greeting.

"Nice picture."

The woman's mouth became a lip-less line. She crossed her arms loosely. Said nothing in response. Then she stiffened, her arms shooting straight down. The blonde woman came back into view, and there was a man with her.

Father.

Another surge of hate. Father, who had sent him away nearly six years ago, and then lured him out here to freeze and nearly die. But again, the hate would not stick on man, it just stayed in the back of Shinji's brain, draining color and sound from everything, until...

...he was just barely...

there...

People... talked. They took him... somewhere else. A tube.

They tried to drown him but... it didn't take. They staggered his movement somehow, so he was moving inside and outside himself at the same time. Curling his hands into fists and seeing below and a long way off, a second pair of hands going through identical motion. They told him to grasp the red ball, and he did.

Then black from all sides up tall and closing. The pit. Looking up into orange-pink sky, knowing he had never been rescued, that he had spent a day dying in the bottom of a hole and was experiencing his final moments. The black filling in the sky, and he was alone and there was nothing and he _pushed_ forward. Just hurtled himself _out_. Fighting in the dark again, reaching out and feeling for that particular shape, to bite and rip open. Warmth. The _WARMTH_!

The black burned away from him in a million glowing cinders. The red ball was in his hands, but broken. And that was right, apparently. Everyone said it was great. In fact, they wouldn't shut up about it.

Then they stuck him in a tiny room with a bed and a sink and a toilet. When he tried to leave, they stuck him in an identical room with a locked door. He spent the night staring up at nothing, trying to get a grip on what was going on in his head. Meaningless, though. Busy work. He knew what he needed.

The next day they took him to a white room and made him take off his clothes. There were needles. There was a strange girl too, who had sat across from him briefly. She smelled of static and somehow reminded Shinji of the reaching black that had tried to fold around him before, when he had picked up the red ball. Only she was not black, or reaching. Same texture, but different motion. Different color.

After the tests, the Katsuragi woman took him outside. Let him roam around the sown hills, walking in the furrows between rows of half-grown corn and cabbage. He followed the curves of the earth to their lowest point, found a few ponds, found a lake, but never was able to locate what he needed. There was no animal life of any kind.

Underground, Katsuragi explained as they left. This open space, the warmth of light. It was all artificial.

Time passed without consequence. Needles, words, food set before him. No night or day, just the buzz of lighting. The Katsuragi woman was usually close by. She walked him through the underground farmland several times, asking questions that he either ignored or did not know how to answer. They dumped him in a tube again, and again tried to drown him. It still didn't take.

This cycle continued until, during one of their excursions into the artificial outdoors, Katsuragi began asking him questions which, she assured him, could be answered in the affirmative by him not saying anything at all. They had a long, one-sided conversation about a little girl that had gone mute, and what had been done to pull her out of that state. And then Katsuragi asked him if he wanted to leave.

Shinji had said nothing.

She took him up and out under a deep purple sky. Took him to a building. Took him into an apartment. Crossing the threshold, Shinji experienced a spike of annoyance - what lay beyond smelled like the crawl space beneath teacher's house in high summer. Ripe black mushroom country. Perhaps a nest of angry raccoons awaited him here, as well.

This was the most complicated sequence of thoughts he had had in more than a month.

At the end of the entry hall was a kitchen. It was horrible. Beyond the kitchen was a living room with an enormous television and a pair of glass doors set in the far wall. Through the doors was a patio, and it was here that Katsuragi suspended her tour of the apartment to go briefly back inside. But she would be back momentarily. She promised.

The apartment building was built into the side of a hill on the perimeter of Tokyo-3. The city was bigger than anything Shinji had seen before: mostly a dense collection of illuminated windows at this time of night, vaguely outlined by the metallic smear of the buildings that encased them; the horizon was stained that metropolitan pink he had spent one night not so long ago desperately searching for; and he could hear traffic, the cicada, and two people on a patio adjacent having an argument - all he could make out was the harshness in their voices.

The Katsuragi woman returned with something strange at her feet. A moving oval of black and white, with a ridge of red and gold at the top. The oval _warked_ at him.

This is Pen-Pen, Katsuragi was saying. He's a warm-water penguin.

Something in Shinji... stirred. Something cold and dark. Something that wanted _warmth. _The hatred that had been crackling in his mind began to expand, to sample the creature before him. The shape the shape the shape...

The penguin waddled over to Shinji a stopped a step away. It turned its head and watched him with one round eye, crowned with spines of red and gold. That eye was not a simple glassy pit. There was a ring of gold encasing the onyx. The eye moved up and down, taking the boy in. _Looking_ at him. _Watching_ him.

There was a logic to the hate in Shinji's mind. An ethic to it. This thing was _almost_ the right shape. If Shinji closed his eyes and grabbed it, the penguin would probably _feel_ right, too. And if he tore it apart, if he took its warmth, then some of the hate would be spent, and the blankness would recede, perhaps, a little.

...of course, realizing that one is acting blankly is a sure sign that said blankness is already receding somewhat. The smell of Katsuragi's nauseating kitchen had probably done it, the aroma of rot and mold triggering deeply programmed survival instincts that excluded the indulgence of the overpowering psychological construct stoking the hatred in his mind with energy that normally fed into his own higher cognitive functions.

Shinji did not snatch up the bird and use his teeth to open it. It was looking at him. Watching him. Taking his measure like a person might. It was, ultimately, the wrong shape.

He knelt and started to pet the bird, but it was already waddling away, threading through Katsuragi's legs and disappearing into the apartment. Katsuragi was watching him. Watching him _carefully_, Shinji realized. She probably had been for a while. The bird had been a test. Her final test, as it would turn out.

Katsuragi took him back into the apartment and fed him, and showed him the room that had been prepared for him. She promised him things he still wasn't ready to care about - piloting and getting to go to school with someone named Ayanami. Then she put him to bed.

She left the door open.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  
>LEVEL COMPLETED!<br>ANGEL ATTACK/THE BEAST  
>\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

(((Shinji Ikari)))

Kills: 44  
>-43 Geese<br>-1 Angel

Highest Combo: 57x

Gained inSANITY GAUGE!  
>Gained Class! Pilot<br>Gained Title! Third Child  
>Gained Achievement! <em><strong>Mother <strong>__**Goose**_  
>Gained Achievement! <em><strong>10 <strong>__**Million **__**Fireflies**_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(((Misato Katsuragi)))  
>Kills: 26<br>-25 Cups of Coffee  
>-1 Beautiful Golden Retriever<p>

Empathy to Minor: 93% (baseline for males is 20%)  
>Car Repair Estimate: 320,000¥ (a lot)<p>

Gained Co-Occupant!x2  
>Gained Achievement! <em><strong>Just <strong>__**get **__**the **__**kid**_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
>\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

inSANITY METER! 65%...

The next day. Early. The apartment was quiet, save for the sound of a person wading through a floor layered in empty plastic bags, furtively searching cupboards and drawers. Shinji was in the kitchen, looking looking looking.

The chill had woken him. Not the cold-black liquid freeze of the pit, but still cold. He was not used to sleeping in these conditions. Teacher's house had had no air conditioning, and sleep had required few covers and open windows and a bottle of water at the bedside to keep you from sweating yourself dehydrated.

While out on the patio easing the chill from his dry skin, Shinji had spied something in the city that was positively magnetic. A low, silverly sheen that twinkled in the sunlight. Real, this time - or open to the air and aboveground, anyway. The shape was out there, waiting for him.

He was halfway out of the muted state. Instead of_ needing_ to discharge the reservoirs of hate in his mind, he now _wanted_ to do so; rather than proceeding simply because it was the only thing he could do, Shinji was now registering the dissociative hate in his mind as an error or injury that needed to be fixed. He needed to get to the lake in order to fix himself. But first...

He was proceeding mechanically through all the drawers and cupboards in the kitchen area. The stench must have drifted into his room in the night - he could no longer smell it. But he could feel it on his skin: the filth, and what it said about the woman, Katsuragi.

The last drawer in the counter system contained what he needed: a 13-inch sashimi knife. Shinji picked up the blade, turning it over in his hands. It was cheaper than the one at teacher's place, stamped stainless-steel with a rough plastic handle. The drawer he had pulled it from had contained an old set of keys and an unopened box of pepper-spray so, Shinji reasoned, the item had probably been intended for self defense, rather than to aide in the preparation of food. He felt less guilty, knowing he would be using the knife for its intended purpose.

inSANITY METER! 64%...61%...

He wrapped the blade in a paper towel and slid it into the fold of the NERV uniform jacket he had been given to wear, and left the kitchen. Got three steps into the entryway hall before stopping short. There was something down the corridor, low and moving.

Shinji crept down the hall, socks whispering over the thin braided carpet. Unknown. Enemy? Had the geese found him here, somehow? Shinji was not yet well enough to dismiss the possibility out of hand. He crept closer, the moving thing visible only by the meager glow of the control panel beside the entrance. It was up against one side of the corridor, so he was able to move past it to the entrance and turn on the light.

The size and shape suggested two geese. Maybe three, all huddled together. And they would have been a good start, would have bled a great deal of hatred from his mind. Only instead of several sleeping geese, the lights revealed the sleeping form of Misato Katsuragi. She was curled up on a futon, had kicked her covers off in the night. Her nightclothes were...

Shinji looked away. Shut off the light. Her button-up had not been fastened, or had been pulled apart in the night. Sleeping on her side had exposed half of her stomach and chest. There was a lot to see. Her bellybutton, the generous swell of one breast, the puckered pink scar between them...

inSANITY METER! 57%...52%...

He slowly sank down into a crouch. Slid the knife back into his jacket. Covered his ears.

Last night she had asked him not to leave. He clearly remembered that. He also had the distinct impression that he had, in some way, indicated an affirmative to that request. And.

And he had been going. If she had not been sleeping in the entryway, he would already be gone. He had been ready to discard that... that trust. Trust placed in him by a person who... who...

His mind, his immediate memories, anyway, were a scattered blur, colorless and all mixed up, but... it seemed like he had been seeing a lot of Miss Misato Katsuragi lately. Days, a week? Maybe... a month? He wasn't sure what the sum of all those memories was, but Shinji got the impression that she was spread evenly throughout.

inSANITY METER! 47%...44%...

And not like the blonde woman, no. No needles. Just... coming at him. Coming _to_ him. No needles and no Father, just the sound of her voice and this kernel of trust. But...

inSANITY METER! 44%...45%...

She had taken him here. Dangled the penguin in front of him. Made him promise not to leave without telling her. She. She had to know he'd see the silver-shimmer in the morning. She had known, and so had slept in the entryway, in order to limit him. To contain him. To keep him from that right shape.

inSANITY METER! 46%...49%...50%

She...

6A- didn't trust him. She just wanted to control him. Giving him instructions, and making Shinji hate himself when he disobeyed them. She was no better than Father!  
>(inSANITY METER! goes to 100%, Shinji leaves the apartment and heads to the lake at top speed) <strong>(Go To Chapter 11)<strong>

6B- had been kind to him, and he couldn't walk away from that. Connecting with people, it seemed to ease the hatred from his mind. Maybe... maybe if he just kept on with her, the blankness would end.  
>(Shinji resolves to co-habitat. He returns the knife to its drawer. inSANITY METER! declines to 5% by the end of the day)<p>

**Voting is now closed for this Chapter**


	7. 5B

**Chapter:** 5B - Shinji Fights Dirty

**Choice Path:** Start – 1A - 2A – 5B

**Author:** Fresh C

Shinji took three days off from school. Initially Naomi advised against it, saying that he was only delaying the inevitable. But she didn't try to convince him any further when he insisted. It was hard for him to look at himself in the mirror with his swollen eye and bruised face. He wasn't ready for the harsh stares of others as well. So he spent his days off lying in bed, only thinking of what he knew he must do and desperately seeking the courage to do it.

The next day he was ready, but uncertain. His conviction was strong, but his fear was still great. He dragged himself to class on shaking legs, going as slowly as time would permit. He made it to his homeroom with only a few minutes to spare. This was fortunate as he was forced to spend that time looking for a place to sit.

There was a gaping hole in the classroom where his desk used to be. In fact, all the empty desks that had been there when he'd arrived on his first day were missing from the room. For a moment Shinji wondered if he had entered the wrong room, but a quick check of the faceplate on the doorway proved that theory wrong. As he continued to search the room for a seat, he drew the attention of many of his classmates. Upon seeing his face, one of the less polite boys asked loudly, "What the hell happened to you?" Shinji ignored him. He involuntarily found his eyes locked on Toji Suzuhara. The other boy staring at him with a bazar mixture of a glare and a smile that made Shinji shake in fear and fury. The message was clear: "_I want you gone_."

Shinji was afraid for himself and afraid for Suzuhara as well. He now understood the meaning of the word enemy.

* * *

><p><em>An enemy is a thief. His goal is not to give you strife and misery, but to take. He steals away your health with his blows. He robs you of your freedom with fear. He pilfers your esteem with every defeat. Your enemy will always have his reasons for taking from you, but that is not your concern. Knowing his cause can never make him right. His rational, whether justified or skewed, cannot return what you have lost, for your enemy has taken a part of you. Your job is not to understand your enemy. Your goal is not revenge, nor is it rehabilitation (Such lofty goals always end in dissatisfied failure). You must only secure what is left of yourself, and take back from your enemy what little can be reclaimed.<em>

-The Art of Engagement by Naomi Yamanaka

* * *

><p>It took the class rep much longer than Shinji would have liked to notice his predicament, but when she did she was quick to remedy the problem. She led him to an unused classroom where they could borrow a desk and chair. They talked briefly on the way there.<p>

"We didn't expect you to be here today." Hikari spoke in a way that seemed both casual and apologetic. If Shinji had bothered to look at her as she talked, he would have noticed the effort she put towards not gawking at his injuries. "When you didn't show up this week everyone thought that you had transferred schools."

That caught Shinji off guard. "Why would you think that?"

"Suzuhara said he heard you say something like that."

"Of course," Shinji mumbled. At least now he knew what to expect.

"What?"

"Just a misunderstanding."

"Oh…"

Hikari grabbed a desk from the classroom before Shinji had a chance to do so. He felt odd letting a girl carry the heavier item, but he didn't feel like saying anything about it. He wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. He followed behind the girl silently carrying a chair in one hand. Shinji avoided everyone's eyes as he entered the room. The fact that no one questioned his machoness was only mildly comforting.

The messages he received when he set up his laptop were decidedly less comforting:

"Did you get injured in your robot?"

"I thought you transferred?"

"What's with your face, man?"

"Were you fighting someone, Ikari?"

Etcetera.

All save for one person insisted on asking him questions he was not ready to answer.

_ says: Talk and you'll regret it._

Shinji's hands tightened into fists. He closed his laptop shut and stared steadily at the board, not saying a single word during the whole class time, save for when the teacher called his name for attendance.

"_Here,_" he said quietly. He wasn't going anywhere.

* * *

><p>That lunch period felt as long and excruciating as his first dinner at NERV. It was a nice day and the majority of the students had decided to eat outside. The classroom was mostly empty. Suzuhara and his friend Aida were among those outside, which was part of the reason Shinji was not. His other motivation was avoiding unwanted attention. Most of the school was outside. It was bad enough to have his classmates gawking at his injuries. The entire student body didn't need to know how badly he'd been beaten up.<p>

But staying indoors did not make him anonymous. Those who were eating near Shinji saw him as a regular point of interest. Some of them openly stared when they thought he wasn't looking. The two girls nearest Shinji seemed not to know the definition of a whisper.

Shinji finished eating quickly. Afterwards, he pulled out his SDAT and drowned himself in music. It was the most peaceful he felt all day.

* * *

><p>When Shinji walked into class the next morning, he found his desk missing again. This wasn't a surprising development, but he was still disappointed. His hope that the conflict between Toji and himself would die down of its own accord was shattered. For a brief moment, his face showed the despair he felt inside, but he shut those feelings away as quickly as possible.<p>

The class representative had not yet arrived that day, but even if she had, Shinji doubted he would have gone to her for help. He wordlessly turned around and headed for the abandoned classroom that Hikari had led him to the day before. It was a struggle carrying both the desk and a chair through the hallways, but Shinji managed. Many students gave him strange looks as they passed him. Shinji ignored everyone until he'd successfully made it back to the classroom. He aligned his desk with the one in front of him and sat in his chair, still avoiding all eye contact. Then he looked at Toji and found he was smiling. Shinji gave Toji a brief nod before turning his gaze toward the front of the class.

Toji's smile faltered.

* * *

><p>Naomi said that knowing one's enemy was perhaps the most important part of any battle. Understanding them was not necessary, nor was it particularly helpful. Understanding often lead to sympathy and sympathy was almost never rewarded. But truly knowing your enemy was the only way to hurt them. Hurting your enemy was the only way to stop them.<p>

Shinji made it his business to know all there was to know about Toji Suzuhara. Given their seating arrangement it was difficult to keep an eye on Toji during class. So Shinji ate his lunch up on the rooftop and observed Toji's interactions with the students bellow.

Shinji was glad that he was not required to understand Toji. The contradictions he found were troubling. Toji was a jerk… to everyone. Constantly telling jokes at other people's expense. Attempting to peak up girl's skirts on the stairway. Not even pretending to pay attention in classes. And every single person in the whole entire school loved him.

When he insulted Aida, the boy would hit him on the arm and laugh. When the teacher called on him to answer a question he didn't know, his ignorant responses were only met with amusement. Girls who called him creepy, smiled at him when he turned away. Being a complete jackass granted Toji Suzuhara access to every social group, while _saving_ _the world_ had confined Shinji to his own social island.

By the time Shinji fought down the hot angry tears in his eyes, he was late for the second half of classes.

* * *

><p>It felt foolish following behind Suzuhara and Aida, but it was the only way Shinji could know where they were going. He knew that most days the two friends parted ways at the schools entrance, so they probably lived in opposite directions. But today they were both heading west toward Kensuke's house. Shinji wasn't far behind them.<p>

NERV headquarters were located in the same direction, so he had a plausible excuse for following. Even so, he made a point to keep a healthy distance. He wanted to have a nice head start, if someone suddenly decided to chase him. Every time he stopped to conveniently tie his shoe, or hesitated behind the cover of a tree, he knew that he must look as stupid as he felt. But he was too determined to be ashamed.

He followed them for about half a mile before Kensuke turned off at the road he usually took home. The boy's absence made Shinji even more nervous. If he were found out now, he wouldn't have Aida there to talk Toji down from a confrontation. He would have to defend himself, and he wasn't sure if he was ready for that yet. His hand found its way to his injured eye subconsciously.

Shinji ignored his discomfort and continued to follow Toji into the business district of town. On the way to their destination Toji only stopped once, at a flower cart of all places. To Shinji's confusion, he stopped to buy a single carnation before continuing on his way. The purpose of the flower became obvious as they neared their destination. With the stem of the flower held protectively in one hand, Toji entered the double doors of the Tokyo-3 Municipal Hospital.

* * *

><p>When Shinji entered his room that evening he found that it was hard to sit still. He tried to sit on his bed for a while, but he was too antsy. He tried playing his cello, but quickly lost interest. He thought that maybe cooking something to eat might calm him down a bit, but he hadn't gone to the store for supplies since he'd gotten there, and there was still another week before he could receive his first stipend from NERV.<p>

He found himself walking the halls of NERV aimlessly hoping for something to distract himself. As usual the halls were mostly empty. There were people in the cafeteria eating, people cooking in the kitchen, people working out in the gym, and people training at the firing range, but almost no one was in the halls. Shinji didn't stay long in any of these places. Everyone was where they needed to be and he was only watching.

He found himself travelling deeper into the complex, out of impulse more than curiosity. He was travelling the stairwells instead of taking the elevator. Every time he swiped his card to open a door, he wondered just how far his security access would take him. Soon enough, he found himself standing in front of the hospital wing. It seemed like an eternity since he had been confined there. It made him think about Suzuhara and his sister. Shinji's injuries had been superficial, yet painful. He'd been released in a matter of days. It was almost a week and a half since he first piloted the EVA and Suzuhara's sister was still in the hospital. And Toji visited her regularly. Buying her flowers.

Suddenly Shinji didn't want to be there. His feet took him further along the winding corridors until he found himself in front of the EVA cages. He stared up at the monstrosity that was EVA Unit One and for the first time felt anger alongside his natural fear.

If it weren't for the EVA Toji's sister wouldn't be hurt. Shinji wouldn't have to fight and risk his life. He wouldn't have any enemies. He might even have friends. The idea of hating the EVA was attractive in a way that hating Toji never was. Because everyone _loved_ Toji Suzuhara, and it wasn't fair that Shinji was the only one left out. If he didn't have to pilot the EVA he could talk happily with his classmates and smile embarrassedly as Toji made some joke about how much a geek he was. He could go to school and not be an outsider.

His thoughts had distracted him so much that he hadn't even noticed the girl standing next to him. Shinji was startled when he saw her and let out a small gasp of surprise. This earned him a calculating look from Rei, but she quickly returned her attention to the EVAs making Shinji wonder how long she'd been standing there in the first place. He felt embarrassed for being so jumpy, so he pointedly looked away. But he noticed her arm was no longer in a sling: it was covered by a bright green cast that clashed perfectly with her school uniform.

"I didn't see you," said Shinji in an attempt to ease his embarrassment. "At school today, I mean."

Ritsuko had mentioned that they were in the same class. Shinji assumed she hadn't been there lately since she was recovering from her injuries.

"I was not there," said Rei. She turned to look at him again, as if she expected this conversation to go somewhere.

Shinji said, "Oh." A brief silence followed in which Rei continually stared at him and Shinji mentally kicked himself. Rei was about to return her attention to the EVAs when he blurted out a question.

"Do you like school?"

Rei's brow furrowed as she tilted her head slightly to the side.

"I mean… the kids at school. Do they know you're a pilot? Do you get along with them?"

Even as he asked the question, he had a hard time picturing Rei gossiping with a group of girls at lunchtime.

"Some of them suspect my piloting status," she said.

"Oh," said Shinji. Before the awkward silence could settle in he asked, "And do they still like you?"

"I do not know," said Rei. "I have not asked them."

"You don't care?" asked Shinji in disbelief. He immediately regretted it. If Rei was experiencing problems anything like what he had to deal with at school, of course she would be a little hesitant to talk about it. The bluntness of her answer surprised him though.

"I don't."

Shinji couldn't help but stare at the girl. The idea that someone could simply not care about what others thought seemed impossible. He didn't want to believe her, but the firmness of her voice left no room for contradiction.

"How?" he asked. How could she be so strong where he could not be? How could she take the utter rejection by their peers with less passing interest than most people gave the weather?

"I belong here," said Rei. She raised her arm to gesture toward the very monsters which had filled Shinji with chagrin. "My duty is toward the Evangelions and NERV. What others feel about me and my duty is their prerogative, just as the measures we take to protect their lives are ours. If they appreciate our efforts, so be it. If they despise us, so be it. My place in this world is within these halls. As long as they do not deprive me of my place, I don't care what they do in their own."

It took Shinji a long time to process that information. When Rei realized he had nothing more to say to her, she returned her attention to the EVA Units. Without her intense gaze compelling him to speak, Shinji felt more confused about the conversation than embarrassed. The prospect of staring up at Unit 01 with hatred as Rei looked on with reverence, felt foolish. So he left the EVA cages behind, and headed back to his room.

His wanderlust had been killed by the encounter, so he decided to take the elevator. During the long ride to the upper levels the meaning behind Rei's words began to click into place.

Rei didn't have concerns for things outside of NERV, because to her NERV was her home. It was where she felt she belonged. If people disliked her, it didn't matter so long as she had this one safe haven where she could be what she wanted to be.

Shinji had never felt like that about anything. His uncle's house was not his home and his relationship with the kids at his previous school had been distant at best. It wasn't until he'd come to NERV that he'd ever had anything of his own. He'd earned his place at NERV, with his battle against the angel and the subsequent series of training exercises and synchronization tests. He deserved his small little windowless room, and his impersonal sterile bathroom. He'd worked hard for them and he would continue to do so.

Maybe Rei was content with that. Content with only NERV and nothing else. But Shinji was not. He'd earned far more than that. Because he had fought for this city as well. He'd nearly died for Tokyo-3 and that had to mean something. He wasn't expecting eternal gratitude or anything of the sort. All he wanted was a place here.

Maybe Rei's opinion wasn't so strange. He found that he didn't care if his classmates whispered behind his back and gossiped about his injuries. He didn't even care if people disliked him. He was used to not being wanted. But he'd earned his place there among them despite the opposition. It didn't matter if his father didn't care enough to visit him. It didn't matter if Misato Katsuragi barely bothered to look at him after he'd turned down her offer. It didn't matter if Naomi and Ritsuko only valued him for his ability to pilot. He had every right to exist in this place and live among these people, because he belonged there.

If Toji Suzuhara wanted to take that away from him, Shinji would simply have to return the favor.

* * *

><p>It took Shinji three days before he was ready to make his first move. The timing was due to preparation, not any hesitation on his part. He had found Toji's vulnerability, but it was not as easy to find the means to exploit it. Many tangled plots of defamation grew and died in his head, almost none of which were feasible. In the end, he found that simplicity was the answer. Toji valued his place in the school as a loveable jerk. Shinji would simply remove the "loveable" part.<p>

He arrived at school that morning as the janitors were opening the gate. What he planned to do would be no secret, but it would be much easier to accomplish without a lot of students wandering around. As soon as Shinji made it into the hallway, he opened his book bag and pulled out the stack of flyers he'd printed at a copy shop the night before. He walked down the hallway where room 2-A was located. At each locker he would fold a piece of paper along the edge and stuff it through the cracks in the side. He repeated this process in the adjacent hallway, and the one adjacent to that one as well. When one of the teachers who'd arrived early gave him a questioning look, Shinji thought the whole plan might be in jeopardy, but the woman let him continue his task undisturbed.

After placing half the flyers into lockers, he returned to 2-A to finish his task. Shinji pulled out a roll of scotch tape from his book bag and began placing the flyers everywhere he could reach. He taped them all along the chalk board, on every single desk in the room, and any exposed portion of the wall that he could see. The work was menial, to be sure, but Shinji felt a certain sense of satisfaction with each new flyer he placed. He felt like a prophet, spreading truth to a land of disbelievers. Shining light on the dark tragedies of the world left unseen. When he'd finally run out of paper, his hands were sore but his mind was free. He smiled at his work in triumph and his smile did not fade in the slightest when Toji entered the room.

Shinji knew exactly why the other boy was here so early as he'd been careful to observe when Toji normally arrived to school. Toji was usually the first to enter the classroom, since this was the only safe time for him to remove Shinji's desk from the room. However, there was no way Toji could have expected to find Shinji sitting alone in the room, surrounded by numerous black and white photos of himself. The flyers were titled, "Toji Suzuhara" and the photo was clearly copied from the school's basketball club website. There was a single caption under the picture witch read, "BULLY" in large capital letters.

For ten seconds Toji looked upon Shinji's work in stunned silence. When he recovered enough to speak, it was only a whisper.

"You're dead, Ikari," he said as he closed the door behind him.

The smile finally fell from Shinji's face. Toji crossed the room to Shinji's desk in three large steps. Shinji didn't think to rise from his seat. By the time his survival instincts kicked in, it was already too late. Toji grabbed him by his collar and literally hauled him to his feet. Shinji struggled to gain his footing as his chair fell over beneath him. For a moment he struggled to free himself, but Toji's hold was tight. He was about to throw up his arms to protect his face when the sound of the door opening stopped both of them in their tracks. Toji's fist was poised to strike, just as the girl who sat next to Shinji entered the room.

Shinji's eyes met the taller boy's. "Go ahead," he said. "Prove me right."

His cockiness was stolen by surprise as Toji let go of him and he fell to the floor.

"What's going on?" asked the girl. Neither one of them answered.

Toji began to rip the flyers off the desks and the chalkboard. The classroom slowly filled up with curious students. Many of them questioned Toji directly, but they were only met with hostility. Some of them questioned Shinji, but he was as tight lipped as ever. It wasn't like he owed them any answers.

They could look at a flyer if they wanted the truth.

* * *

><p>There was much buzz around the school about the flyers. All throughout homeroom people where talking about the incident through their instant messengers and sneaking furtive glances at Toji when they thought he wasn't looking. Toji met most of these unspoken inquiries with heated glares, but that did little to stop their curiosity. Some of the attention was naturally drawn to Shinji as well, but it was mostly Toji's show. Shinji took more pleasure than he thought he would in watching the other boy fume.<p>

The only thing standing in the way of his perfect victory was the obvious threat of retribution. Toji had been ready to fight him earlier, in the middle of class no less. If anything, the attention from their classmates had made Toji even angrier. The boy was staring at Shinji almost as much as everyone else was staring at him. It was unnerving in a way that the gossip never was.

Shinji was thankful for lunch period that afternoon. Looking at his classmates from the rooftop offered him the opportunity to survey the outcome of his work without interruption. He saw that even now the students were still talking about the flyers. He even saw some of the upperclassmen waving around the flyers and talking loudly amongst themselves. The basketball players seemed to be getting particularly worked up: there were just as many people laughing about the stunt as there were seriously scowling. In the end, Shinji wasn't really sure if he was making things better or making them worse. But he did know one thing: he had gotten Toji where it hurt.

If Shinji had been a little less satisfied with himself at the moment, he might have noticed that his enemy was not among those eating in the courtyard. Even if he had noticed this, Toji had ample reason to want to be by himself at the moment. What Shinji hadn't accounted for was the fact that Toji had ample reason to track him down as well.

The opening of the door to the rooftop, did not escape Shinji's notice. When he turned around and saw Toji standing there, he was filled with equal parts dread and determination. He chastised himself for being corned (Naomi had stressed the importance of engaging the enemy on your own terms) but the damage was already done. There was no way this could end well.

"I didn't think ya had the nerve," said Toji. He seemed much more composed than earlier, but his anger was clearly there. He advanced on Shinji slowly. There was no need to rush things. "I wanted to be nice, Ikari. I was gonna let ya transfer and be done with it."

Shinji stood his ground. There wasn't anywhere to run anyways.

"I belong here just as much as you do," he said, just as he'd rehearsed. "If you just forget about everything, I'll do the same. But if you keep on attacking me when I've done nothing wrong," Shinji shakily raised his fists. "I'll attack you back."

"Done nothing wrong!" Toji snapped. "My sister almost died because of you!"

Toji was on him before Shinji had a chance to blink. Shinji threw a surprised swing to try and intercept him but it was merely batted away. Before he could move again Toji's hands were around his neck. Shinji clawed at his hands, trying to break free from his hold, but it was useless. He began to panic as it became harder and harder to breathe.

"I should kill you," said Toji. His tone was bitter and cold. But even as he said so, he lessened his grip slightly. Shinji gasped loudly. He didn't have time to be relieved as Toji pushed him by his neck toward the edge of the rooftop. He tried to scream as he lost his balance, but it came out as dry croak. Toji's hold on his neck was the only thing keeping him from plummeting off the edge.

"Go ahead and scream," said Toji. "Do you think anyone will care? Do you think they'll miss your scrawny ass?"

"Please," said Shinji. "Stop! Please!"

"No. Your little stunt gave them something to talk about, but in a couple of days no one'll give a damn. And if I let you go right now, nobody would give a damn about that either. I'll say it was an accident. I tried to grab you as you fell. Hell, I could tell'em you jumped. No one'd put it past scum like you."

"I'm sorry," said Shinji incoherently. He was very sure he was going to die. "I didn't mean it… I-"

"Shuddap!" said Toji. He pulled Shinji back from the edge and threw him on the ground. When Shinji tried to scramble to his feet, he kicked him in the stomach hard. Then there was another kick. And another. Shinji did his best to block his vitals and protect himself, but all he could do was cry out in pain. After what seemed like an eternity the onslaught ended. Toji didn't spare him a second glance as he exited the rooftop.

"Don't come back to class," said Toji. "If I see your face again, I'll kill you."

Shinji believed him.

* * *

><p><em>There comes a point in many engagements where the full force of an enemy clashes with the full force of one's retaliation. At this point, the time for subtly and restraint has long passed. The resulting collision erodes both sides and there is no safe means for either to escape. Compromising with your enemy is no longer an option and a critical choice must be made: Press hard against your enemy, eroding each other until one of you is no more, or give in to his pressure and suffer defeat.<em>

_If you continue to fight, your losses will be heavy and your future will be uncertain. In the real world, it is always possible to give your all and not succeed. But if you concede to your enemy your defeat is clear. Perhaps you will lose less than if you had fought, but do not mistake this for victory. Your goals and objectives are the price of your surrender and the casualties of your defeat._

_Risk yourself to save your dreams, or surrender your dreams to save yourself: the choice is yours._

* * *

><p>Shinji spent as little time as possible lying on the ground crying. He cradled his stomach and chest in agony until he felt calm enough to rise to his feet. The pain did not diminish, but his will had grown stronger. He knew he could not lie there forever, so the sooner he recovered the better.<p>

Shinji was both glad and discomforted to find that Naomi was not present to help him to his feet. It spared him the shame of having her see his defeat, but it also meant that he really was alone. Naomi had promised to stay out of his life, save to protect him. After coming so close to losing that life, he realized he could not trust her to live up to that duty.

Something had to be done.

No one stopped Shinji as he dragged himself through the hallways of the middle school. Several people took note of his wincing, but they all let him pass by without protest. Even a teacher who saw him limping toward her, only frowned to herself before moving out of his way. It was obvious that something had happened to him, yet no one bothered to lend a hand or even a word of concern. Shinji would never forget that fact.

He slowly made his way back to NERV, holding his bruised side the whole way. He only stopped a few times to catch his breath and hated himself for needing to put so much effort into convincing himself to continue again. When he finally reached the front gates of NERV the security guard scarcely gave him a look before opening the gate. The walk to the residential area of NERV was short, painful, and uneventful.

Shinji entered his room laid on his bed and closed his eyes. Behind each eyelid he saw Toji's hostility burning on his face. He felt the echoes of his hands around his neck and the pain of the blows in his abdominals. He laid there for hours and the sensation did not decrease.

There was only one thought in his mind: Something had to be done.

* * *

><p>For one full week Shinji secluded himself in his room. Naomi briefly tried to talk him out of it, but gave up when he would not let her into the room. When she asked him why he wouldn't let her in, his answer was simple. "You weren't there." Ritsuko made a stopped by as well, but only to ensure that he continued with his training schedule and was willing to perform his weekly synchronization test. She had knocked on the door as a formality before barging in using her keycard. As soon as she was assured of his commitment to his job, she left. Misato's had been the most difficult visit. Shinji hadn't had the heart to turn her away the way he had Naomi. He wished he had, by the time she left. She sat on his bed next to him and placed a hand on his knee as they talked. It made him feel more awkward than comforted. He did not tell her why he was skipping school and spending most of his time by himself and he could see her growing more frustrated as the conversation went on. In the end, she ordered him to go back to school at the start of the week. Shinji had to remind himself why he shouldn't hate her for it.<p>

But that weekend was still his time and he did not waste it. He spent those last days quietly.

_Sitting. Seething. Thinking._

He realized that Misato and Naomi were right. Hiding away from his problems was the same thing as giving up his life. And his life was all he had. If he was going to waste his life that way, then Toji might as well have killed him on the rooftop. He told himself he was waiting for his wounds to heel, but the kicks Toji had given him were much less severe than the first beating he had received. The light bruising along his neck was barely visible. He was only making excuses. Wasting his time.

_Sitting. Seething. Thinking._

He should have been _Doing_.

And so that Monday he left his room with his backpack strapped around his shoulders. It was only weighed down by the thick history book that his teacher had assigned to him. Shinji took his normal route to school that morning and entered the building as if nothing had happened. He doubted Naomi (wherever she was) had spotted him leaving the school through the back entrance, ten minutes after he entered. He didn't care much either way.

He made himself scarce after that, ditching school in favor of hanging out at the local arcade. Shinji tried to play a few games, but his heart wasn't in it. It wasn't nearly as fun as he'd remembered as a child. So he sat at a booth and listened to his SDAT player. One of the workers at the arcade asked him why he wasn't in school. Shinji said it was cancelled and could tell that the man didn't believe him. The man wouldn't leave him alone until Shinji ordered a beverage and a basket of fries. He barely touched either of them.

Shinji spent hours in the arcade, listening to music and watching other 'delinquent' students play games. He was constantly looking at his SDAT player for the time and checking his book bag to make sure he had his history book. Several times the man who worked there came over to ask if he needed anything else, despite the fact that Shinji had not finished what he'd already ordered. Shinji barely paid him any mind as he drummed his fingers nervously against his pants to the beat of the music playing in his ears.

At two o'clock, Shinji left the arcade. He almost forgot to pay for his meal in his hurry. He quickly walked down the street towards the business district that led to NERV headquarters. But Shinji did not head to NERV. Instead he took a right at an intersection several blocks before the building. He continued to walk for a little ways before he passed an old lady working at a flower cart. She smiled at him as he passed by and Shinji had the sudden urge to hide his face. After passing out of sight of the flower cart, Shinji stopped to withdraw his history book from his book bag and took in his surroundings with a careful eye. Before long he found what he was looking for: an alleyway between two large buildings which opened up to the sidewalk. Now all he had to do was wait.

The time passed by in agony for Shinji. He wasn't sure if he had waited for minutes or hours, but he was too afraid to check his SDAT player for the time. He kept his gaze glued to the strip of sidewalk directly in front of him and tightened his hold on the history book. When he saw the boy pass by in front of him, his heart nearly stopped. But he did not hesitate. Never again.

He ran out from the alleyway with the book held high, and swung downward violently, making sharp contact between the edge of the book and Toji's head. A muffled cry escaped the boy at the unexpected attack, but he didn't have time to process what was happening before Shinji swung again.

Toji was on the ground before he knew what was happening. He made no effort to block the next attack which fell hard on his wrist. Or the one after that which plunged into his back. Or the strikes to his head and the back of his neck and the side of his face and the back of his head again. After a certain point, even Shinji barely registered what was happening. His arms went up and down in a rhythmic motion like pistons, pumping back and forth with a single-mindedness that went beyond anger and rage. It was life and survival.

Toji stopped crying out in pain, but Shinji did not stop his mechanical blows. The book rose and fell as quickly as he could manage. When he finally brought himself to stop, the cover was stained red.

Shinji breathed in and out raggedly. He dropped his book to the ground in exhaustion. He stood up from where Toji lay quickly and suddenly had the urge to look at the time on his SDAT player. But he stopped reaching into his pocket when he saw the blood on his hands. He looked down at Toji Suzuhara. The boy was not moving. Not moving at all.

Shinji's breathing quickened from long gasps to rapid bursts.

"What did I do?" _Something had to be done._ "What did I do?"

His mind went in loops for several seconds replaying this question and answer. Then suddenly his head snapped up and he surveyed the surrounding area looking for anyone who had witnessed the event.

The streets were surprisingly empty save for a man walking on the other side of the sidewalk. He had his head down and was pointedly looking the other way. Shinji wanted to say something to the man, to explain, but he managed to stop himself before words left his mouth. He wondered how long it would take before the man called the police station and had him sent to jail where he belonged. He wasn't about to wait and find out.

Shinji ran blindly down the alley for several blocks before an awful realization occurred to him.

He'd left his history book by Toji's side. The book had his name in it. Broadcasting his crime. Advertising his sin. He had to go back, but there wasn't any time!

**7A – Shinji calms the fuck down (Go to ch 9)  
><strong>

**7B –Shinji calls Naomi for help (Go to ch 9)**

7C – Shinji panics! OH MY GOD!1111!1111!

7D – Shinji takes full responsibility for his actions

**Voting is closed for this chapter. Feel free to leave a review.  
><strong>


	8. 4C

**Chapter: **4C—Misato gets a call—and it's not good.

**Choice Path: **Start – 1C – 4C

**Author: **Midnight Cereal

Shinji thought it a reasonable request. His ass. In the car. The rest of him, too, presumably. Maybe he'd go places—places not cratered or flaming or rife with albinos.

And why wouldn't the woman take him? As soon as…Misato?...stopped yelling into her cell phone, things would change for the better. Her family name cruised at the edge of his mind. It would come to him. If he walked around a bit, it would come to him—

"Shinji! Don't you dare!"

His head snapped up. Misato had pushed away from the car, straight scraped legs anchored to the pavement. Was she farther away than she had been moments ago? It at least explained why she was reaching out to him.

"Shinji, trust me when I say I know you've had a rough day, and I won't lie to you, it might get rougher…it _will_ get rougher. But as you can see, I've had a rough day, too, and if you run from me again…" Her fist closed around thin air. "Just don't run away, okay? Please? Because I'll chase you. Don't make me chase you. Understand? Because I will choke you out. I will choke you like the Shogun. And you'll go down."

Shinji thought it a reasonable request.

So he nodded.

"You are a dear, you know that? Trust me, I'll do what I can to make this—"

And spun on his heel and broke for _Geneviève's._

But everything slowed him down, spliced him into a high speed reel. His backpack humped his shoulders and tossed around the storefront in front of him. The shaded fixtures inside and the woman pouncing on his reflection outside threw off his depth perception. The boy in the mirror hit the ground; Shinji's upper and lower teeth clashed as their chins skimmed the asphalt.

Misato pulled him onto his back to expose his soft underbelly. And also, to choke him. Her arm snaked over his face on route to his carotid artery; Misato was warm sweat beading through sports talc antiperspirant, fading perfume—

"Why does life keep trying to troll me?"

—a whirlpool of vodka and cigarette butts swirling just beneath peppermint gum.

Misato squeezed. Shinji kicked to stay above the bubbling darkness, but she bound his legs with her own—ropes of hard sinew that bit into him. He had never been a good swimmer; no, he never learned how. What would be the point? The universe had never been anything but one big tide dashing him against whatever hard scrap of life he'd washed up on. He was tired. He had never done anything, and he was tired. The two large pillows molded against his head were terribly convenient. Soon he drifted out again with the low and black waters, where nothing breathed or rustled or spoke except Rei.

_Dude, wake up, like, now_, she seemed to say.

* * *

><p>Everyone in NERV's Tactical Control Room had stopped moving as the pixilated snow on the view screen snapped into hi-rez flames and steeped in them the ghoul, some crazy number of stories tall. The view screen in the room was the envy of any IMAX; the monster consumed every digital mote from floor to ceiling. Some sacrificial camera filmed it from kilometers away.<p>

Kozo Fuyutski had been consumed with command, with urgent calls to Doctor Akagi and Lieutenant Colonel Katsuragi, and with the smug idiocy of the three JSDF command stooges huddled at the nose of the Control Room's command terrace; but now he waited like the technicians and scientists, and like Commander Ikari, who stooped over his desk behind the JSDF brass. Standing at Ikari's side, Kozo had time to think about how big the monster was, how its skin sloughed off in putrid sides that would pancake delivery trucks.

And then it took a step out of the nuclear glass beneath its feet. From his high perch next to Gendo Ikari, Kozo saw everyone move again, their typing faster, their paces quickened, beige bundles of nervous twitches feeding a collective, professional panic. He wore his old professor's voice to trade trite observations with Ikari, a game the Commander nursed and Kozo suffered with a snug boredom; but Kozo could feel his hair go even grayer. His back hurt.

He noticed one of the JSDF stooges twisted around to look back, the man's eyes boiled eggs quivering below the shelf of his pocked brow. Kozo looked back to the inferno churning across the display; the JSDF had played its hand, all 4 kilotons of it, in the middle of Sagami. Kozo remembered how the vines trickled through the town's stone embankments, how a red marble plaza enclosed by a gingko grove pulled Sagami together. Only the tree stumps remained, hot shadows and nicotine filters flicking embers at one end and rooted in the ground at the other. Good ol' grey, chain-smoking Sagami. The monster was still there, and getting bigger.

Because it was coming here.

Gendo Ikari stood. "Katsuragi?" he asked. Kozo traced the back of Ikari's head to the thin black beard framing the Commander's frown.

"She found the Third Child," said Kozo. "Chōku Ward. Lieutenant Aoba said they're coming via Route 1. ETA is—"

Thunder struck the Control Room and funneled through the soles of Kozo's grey chukkas. A tech screeched at them about the inertial dampers. The monster. The orbits of its bird-skull face flushed with white light that raced across the view screen and filled it with snow again.

Thunder.

"Prepare the staff for the imminent transfer of combat operations authority to NERV," said Ikari.

Kozo nodded. "Right."

"And wake up Rei."

Kozo stared.

* * *

><p>Shinji wondered why his alarm clock was a car engine. He blinked away sleep when his buzzer revved up and then shifted down. He closed his eyes again.<p>

"You okay?" a woman asked. "Please be okay…"

Presumably, it was she who jabbed two fingers against the pulse in his neck. She stopped holding her breath. "There you are. There's my trooper."

The fingers went away. Shinji swallowed, the reflex passing through a dull deep ache collaring his neck. He coughed. "Help, I've been kidnapped."

"I did _not_ kidnap you," she said.

Shinji opened his eyes. He saw scrapes on high cheek bones and blood matting deep purple hair. A slender hand flexed in a fingerless driving glove; leather knuckles bundled around the shaft of the gear shift. Here was a woman who knew how to switch lanes. Shinji cleared his throat. "Are you taking me to see my father?"

"I want you to look outside," she answered. "And if you ask me if your father's outside, I, I don't know what I'll do…"

She elaborated with a thigh twitch, and as invisible hands pressed Shinji into his seat, the city pulled itself into ever-longer streamers of flame and charcoal smoke behind her frown. He twisted back to his window. The seat belt took over where Misato had left off, chewing his neck raw. "I'm pretty sure you kidnapped me."

"Are you looking?" asked Misato.

The road dropped away past the guardrail, the cliff shooting down into lush suburbs that clustered closer to downtown Tokyo-3. Shinji gaped at a structure rooted between the city's outskirts and commercial heart—taller than any building downtown, founded in the middle of charred, mile-wide spokes and reaching upward with gnarled, billowing fingers. A tree of fire. Shedding ash like black pollen. Shinji charted a scar in the landscape, cutting away from the shadow of the blast and across the grid work of streets. In the same direction Misato drove them. It was a straight line, really, the aftermath of an intelligent cyclone. It blew him back to algebra class, plotting linear equations and y intercepts. Intersections…

"Can you let me out?"Misato tapped a button in the car. The locks slammed home in the leather upholstery. Shinji buried his chin in his shallow chest. "It's not like I wanted to come."

Misato snorted. "Right."

"Well, I didn't."

"Well, you're here, and because you're here, we may have missed our chance to kill that thing…" She nodded at the creature's trajectory—or was it a head butt? "and now we probably won't make it back in time to save your dad. My higher ups thought I should know that, and I just thought you'd like to know, too. Thanks."

His legs were numb. He slid the backpack off his lap and allowed the pins to prick his feet. "Make it back in time…?"

"You'll see what I mean, okay? Soon enough—"

"What do you mean by 'make it back in time'?"

Misato thrust a finger under his nose to point at the cloud of fire mushrooming above the valley. "We did that to stop the Angel. That…" She snapped her fingers. "That was a mine. Four kilotons, okay? Tactical nuke territory and it shrugged. Just _tanked_ it."

"When did you drop the—"

"Sorry, but I don't work for the army."

"So who dropped the bomb?"

"The mine," said Misato. "It was a mine."

"Who dropped the mine?"

"You don't 'drop' mines," she sighed. "You place mines. We placed it."

"Who placed it?" he asked.

"The SDF."

Shinji blinked. "I thought you said you didn't work for the army."

"I _don't_."

"Why is it my fault you don't have bigger weapons?"

"We _do_ have bigger weapons! We have awesome weapons! We—" Misato slammed the heel of her hand into the dastardly, asshole steering wheel. "Are you serious? We have zero-point trebuchets! We have vortexes that shit you out on the dark side of the moon. But we weren't authorized to use them, and you know why? Because we didn't want to risk vaporizing you! And you know why we had to take that precaution? Because we didn't know where you were! And you know why we didn't know where you were? Because you fucking ran away!"

This was that cop accusing him of stealing that bike stricken with rust and waiting to die in that scrap heap; this was letting his aunt in on her surprise birthday party when no one bothered to tell him it was a secret; that hollow shaft in his spine that drained anger before he could drown them in it. "I thought you said you didn't work for the army," he whispered.

"_I don't work for the army._"

"But you said 'we' tried to stop the Angel."

"I mean collectively. A team. Like the justice league." She lifted eyebrows, wriggled them to coax his memory—of what, who the hell knew. Her brow crashed back down. "A coalition?"

"I see," he said. "I didn't know you were talking about coalitions."

"Well, I was. Sorry."

"I was confused."

"Yes, Shinji, yes. You are very confused. And I promise, soon all your questions will be answered by someone who wasn't nearly murdered eighteen times today."

"I ran away from you twice?"

"Right before you ran into that alley. I was pulling up, y'know?"

He shrugged, or ducked his head into a shell that wasn't on his back. "I…guess I didn't see you?"

"Dude, I was practically _soliciting you_," she said.

"I thought I was going to die, okay?"

"But that's just, but…" Shinji could see her nicked, angry lips tripping over a junk pile of comebacks. "So was I!"

"What does my dad care if I run away?"

"Oh, for…" Shinji flinched when she swung her arm out, but she reached past the bank of batteries wired in series between them. He marveled, really, at how she drove so effortlessly without looking at the road. Shinji marveled a little less when the car drifted towards the guardrail, escorting him to within white line's width of the colony of ceramic roofs far, far, far below. Misato jerked the wheel to the right with her knees before he had a chance to scream. Then she dropped a slim metal case into his lap, and raised a finger to stop the question he was halfway asking.

"No, just read it—it's good for you. It'll tell you everything." Misato sneezed. "That's a lie. But there's something about the Angels in there somewhere."

Shinji pointed at the pillar of ash vomited up into the atmosphere. "What do Angels have to do with the thing out there?"

"That's what I'm talking about," said Misato.

"No, the thing."

"Oh, come on!" She uncurled her fingers to run them through wavelets of purple, turbulent hair. "I really don't know why they call them Angels. It's supposed to be, I don't know, apocryphal." Misato shrugged. "It's a big joke to me."

"I don't think it's very funny," said Shinji.

"Yeah, me neither."

Shinji had nodded when shadows fell upon them and howled against the windshield. They had driven into a tunnel. Just a tunnel. Shinji swallowed his heart and turned over the slipcase, spun it until the romaji made sense:

**Welcome to NERV**

**-NLY FOR YOUR EYES ONLY FOR YO—**

Now it was the words he turned over, in his mind, until Misato spoke up again. "Boys still like robots, right?"

* * *

><p>The last few meters to Rei's room—any room someone rolled Rei into, really—were always a bog of personnel Kozo had to wade through. Waking up Rei had become a rare but routine dirge of soldiers, doctors, and medical technicians, sighing, shaking heads, and murmuring suppositions.<p>

Not today. The real, walking danger outside had stripped everyone's passivity down to professional anxiety. It churned and randomized them, which made them dense. The guards staked themselves to either side of the entrance and stared into the distance with bovine discipline. A physician verified biometrics on his PDA, then re-verified them. Three nurses argued about acceptable dosages of Hydralazine. An orderly adjusted the taser holstered on his belts; he removed it, flicked off the safety, flicked it back on, and ran his fingers over the silver prongs.

These people couldn't wait to be given orders.

"Go away," he said. A second passed as faces turned to him and smoothed with recognition. "Yes, that means you. And you. Get lost."

After a round of shared looks and shuffled feet, they skulked away like sullen children, the nurses first, the guards last. They reconstituted at a mutually-agreed distance from the entrance, which was fine with Kozo; he just wanted to walk inside without grinding against multiple strange asses.

Inside, Ritsuko Akagi guided her rolling chair between the girl perched at the edge of the med bed and the stainless steel counter ensconced below a line of cabinets. Someone who believed in perfunctory gestures had issued Rei her own suite a few levels up; this examination room was more lived in.

"Detective Fuyutski! You found me out." Dr. Akagi spun from the girl on the bed to a clipboard on the counter. She scribbled on the top page, flipping it to once over the carbon copy. Standing over her shoulder, Kozo tried to make out her chicken scratch. He gave up immediately and glanced at Rei. She hadn't yet moved her legs hanging off the edge of the bed or twitched the thin locked arms buttressing her candy cane posture.

And who knew what that meant. A military tactician—some screwball who got himself invited to a joint house exhibition in the Geofront—had remarked how easy the girl maintained the precipice of attack and defense; she was the proverbial empty cup, he proclaimed, the ball at the crest of the hill. Kozo couldn't remember if that had been before or after Rei bit off the man's ear.

"I said, how's the commander?"

Kozo looked back down. Akagi frowned up at him and waited until he said, "He's commiserating with Unit-01. You'll have to be damn relevant if you want to reach him."

Dr. Akagi smirked and stood, snapping off her gloves with a tiny whorl of white powder. "I gave her an injection of Haldol, so you have six hours at best." She clasped Kozo's arm before he could step towards the bed. "Watch it—it'll be a sec before it takes hold. Even when it does, I don't know what you're expecting out of her; well, I _do_, but…"

"We aren't expecting anything so long as the Colonel arrives with the Third."

"Oh? Well then, you've nothing to worry about."

"Facetiousness is the first sign of demoralization." God. He was spending too much time with Commander Ikari.

"Only a bit facetious. Misato makes things happen." She patted his shoulder, chancing a smile that reached the small mole below her left eye. "You'll see."

Kozo turned in time to catch Dr. Akagi's crop of bottle blonde hair and flowing lab coat billowing through the door. "Where are you headed now?"

The door whistled shut behind her.

"Caspar anticipates UV degradation in Unit-01's right bicep composite restraints," said Rei.

Kozo turned back. Rei was topiary. Practically Tussaud-esque. He wondered if she could move at all in the form-fitting plug suit vacuumed onto her body from the neck down. Kozo felt claustrophobic just looking at it—similar to what he felt when looking at her face, now hidden by the curtain of short blue hair drawn across. Duty won out. And cuckolding loyalty.

"Rei…" Kozo stepped in front of her, bending at the waist instead of the knees and regretting every spasmodic degree. But he could see her eyelids, still shuttered, fluttering with that storm of activity behind them. "Rei, do you know why I'm here?"

"Never buy from Spectral Systems. Their cure monitors choke on shortwave in LCL. Six-sigma? Don't make me laugh. Now I…have to dive. Take a portable CM and dive. Deep."

"How are you feeling?"

Rei uncurled herself. She breathed through her nose. Her chest heaved against the neoprene skin. Collapsed. Kozo was glad her eyes kept closed. "Deep."

A tremble infected her lip and spread to her eyebrows. Tears slipped out from the corner of her eyes. She whimpered and swung forward, her hips the axis of a flailing pendulum. She'd have fallen on her face had Kozo not caught her. Rei was the mixture of baby fat and skin and bones he thought she'd be. He lowered her to the ground as she turned in his arms. All the muscles in his back attacked each other.

Her eyes were open.

"I'm sorry we woke you," he said. She diagrammed him between fits of wet blinking. Here at least, with Rei tucked away in his shadow, he could imagine her eyes were merely a vibrant brown. "I'm sorry, and it won't be for long. I promise."

The liquid panic in her face congealed, and she scratched out a frown. There was no air between them. "Do you promise?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Do you promise?"

"Yes."

"Do you promise?"

"Yes."

"You already said that."

Then Rei sank her teeth into his thumb.

8A—Misato and Shinji make it and prepare for battle.

8B—Misato and Shinji don't make it, and NERV is on their own.

**Voting is now open for this chapter! See the first chapter for details.**


	9. 7A & 7B

**AN: **This chapter is a combination of two previous choices since a tie occurred (sorta). It's sort of my fault for not closing the voting on time like I was supposed to. I think I managed to save the spirit of both choices in the chapter bellow. So everyone's a winner!

On an unrelated note, you people have no sense of adventure. You always seem to choose the safe options, which takes half the fun out of reading (though not necessarily writing, since I make it my personal mission to make the story somewhat screwed up no matter what you choose). But I just thought you should all know that you're sorta lame (except a few of you). Just sayin'. With that said: Enjoy!... ya wet blankets.**..  
><strong>

**Chapter:** 7A & 7B – Shinji calms the fuck down and calls Naomi for help

**ChoicePath:** Start – 1A – 5B – 7A/7B

**Author:** Fresh C

Shinji's thoughts ran wild as he weighed his options rapidly. If he returned to the scene of the crime he was likely to be seen or caught. But if he didn't return, the evidence he'd left behind would incriminate him regardless. There was no real choice here. He had to go back for his book. It was the only option.

Shinji sprinted through the alleyway in the direction that he'd come from. The opening to the main street seemed miles away in his desperation, but he tried not to think about it. He only had one goal: get the book and run.

When he made it back to Toji's bleeding body he was horrified to find two men and a woman standing an arm's length away. The woman had her hand glued to her mouth, staring at the tragedy that wouldn't go away. One of the men was speaking urgently into his cell phone. Shinji did not slow his pace as he neared them. He kept his head pointed downward and avoided eye contact with all of them. As soon as his fingers grasped tightly around the book, he turned around to run back down the alley way. The woman gasped loudly at his actions and one of the men yelled after him to stop, but Shinji didn't registered any of this. He continued to run as fast as he could, thinking only of his escape. For a moment he thought that one of the men might be chasing him, but he didn't turn around to give credence to his fears. He just continued his desperate flight. Running as fast as he could, as long as he could.

No one on the streets tried to stop him. No one yelled after him either. But this was not cause for Shinji to relax. His heart hammered in his chest and his legs began to burn from chafing, but Shinji kept running until he could move no more.

When he finally collapsed to the ground, his breathing was wild and out of control. For a moment he thought he was going to die from lack of air. _Breathe,_ he told himself, _just Breathe._ Slowly he brought his breathing under control and was able to survey his surroundings.

He'd fallen in the grassy fields surrounding the town. He wasn't very far from the city at all, as Tokyo-3 was not surrounded by suburban areas like most cities. Instead, the outskirts of the city were largely uninhabited. As Shinji surveyed the city from the outside the strangeness of this was not lost on him. It was as if the city had sprung up in the middle of nowhere, defying the natural world around it. It existed despite its environment, not because of it. And in that moment, Shinji realized that more than anything in the world, he wanted to go back there if he could.

He laid there in the grass thinking of all that transpired. It was very likely that Toji was dead. He had fought to maintain his place in the world, but his efforts had made him a murderer. The blood on his hands and his clothes were the proof. He was stained with his sin and anyone who saw him would know it.

He remembered from the train ride into the city, that there was a river flowing nearby. In his mind he was sure that the blood would not come off easily, but he was determined to try and wash himself at the very least. Shinji stood on shaky legs and made the half-mile trek to his destination.

He lay on his stomach at the river bank and dipped his arms in up to his elbows. At first his initial fears of the blood stains being permanent seemed true, but as he scrubbed furiously at his hands and arms, progress was made. The redness began to bleed away, replaced by the pink hue of raw skin.

His clothes were a separate matter. Try as he might, he could not get the blood stains to completely disappear from his shirt and pants. At most, he'd managed to lighten the stains, but he'd seen enough forensics themed TV shows to know that that wouldn't fool anyone. He couldn't walk back through town with obvious evidence in plain sight. The risk of identification was too high. His best chance of making it back unnoticed would be to wait until night, but even then someone at NERV could just as easily spot the stains. As Shinji sat there thinking about the long walk home, he realized he didn't have many other options.

Then a terrible thought occurred to him. Even if no one noticed anything out of the ordinary and he got away scott free, people would realize that he hadn't gone to school that day. The timing was too convenient. Everyone already knew that he didn't get along with Toji and he had no alibi. As things stood, he was probably the main suspect.

The panic he had been suppressing rose up within him rapidly as he sprung to his feet. He had to run or they'd take him to jail. But he had nowhere left to go back to. He couldn't escape the city, since all public transit required the use of an ID. And even if he'd made it back to his uncle's house, there was nothing to stop the man from turning Shinji in himself.

There was no helping it. Sooner or later Shinji would be caught and then he'd have to face the consequences of his actions. He would lose everything… unless he had an alibi.

* * *

><p><em>When seeking to hide or withhold information from an enemy, denial is rarely an effective tactic. This is especially true if your enemy already has a predisposition to disbelieve you. But even under the best of circumstances (where the person you wish to deceive has complete confidence in you) the truth has a way of seeking light. This is the very nature of truth: It is merely what exists in the face of denial.<em>

_The truth cannot be hidden or covered forever, but given enough time, even the most important truths become irrelevant. When you lie, you are merely biding your time. Your words are only meant to distract from that which is irrefutable._

_Ideally your distraction should be composed of only truths in order to occupy your enemies time with irrefutable facts, that are nonetheless irrelevant. But if no such real distraction is available, a lie is much more appropriate than silence. Pick your topics carefully. Only lie about that which you have some knowledge about and, if possible, a measure of control over. If you are lucky, your lies will be believed for as long as necessary. Even if no one believes you, a carefully crafted lie can distract from the real issue at hand long enough for you to resolve it._

-The Art of Engagement by Naomi Yamanaka

* * *

><p>The story was simple. It had to be. Shinji didn't think he could juggle a lot of details under pressure and lying was one the most stressful things he'd ever done. It was hard to talk to Naomi, whose very name meant truth, and not expect her to see through everything he said. But he tried not to hesitate as he spoke.<p>

He was wandering the city aimlessly since he was too afraid to go back to school. Suddenly he looked behind him and saw that a group of boys were following him. At first he tried to ignore them, but they wouldn't leave him alone.

"Where did you first see them?" Naomi had asked.

Shinji wasted several seconds scrambling for an answer to the unexpected question.

"O-outside the arcade."

He was worried that he'd taken too long to supply an answer and that she wouldn't believe anything else he said, but she let him continue on with the story.

From there the boys followed him from the arcade calling out names at him. ("Loser" "Coward" "Worthless" "Freak", he supplied when Naomi asked). They asked him mockingly why such a little boy wasn't in school and warned him that his mommy would be mad. Naturally this upset Shinji, since his mother was dead (it was relatively easy to draw on the natural anger that the notion brought up). So he yelled at the boys to leave him alone. When they started laughing at him, he walked faster in an attempt to get away. But the older kids did not stop their advance. They picked up the pace just as he did. Finally losing his nerve, Shinji began to run.

He ran as fast as he could, but the boys were still close behind him. He paid no mind to where he was running in his panic. Eventually he reached the river, and suddenly found that there was nowhere else to go. The boys surrounded him and began to hit him. One even threw a rock at his face. (Shinji made sure to cut himself with a rock he found on the ground to add credibility to this)

"Did you see their faces?"

No. He was too busy trying to defend himself. They all seemed to have black hair and he could tell they were older than him, but nothing other than that stuck out in his mind.

"What about their clothes? What were they wearing?"

Shinji couldn't remember.

"Not even a color?"

They were all wearing blue jeans… one of them might have been wearing a red shirt. He told her he couldn't be sure. But while they were on the subject of clothes, he did ask Naomi to bring him a fresh pair of pants and a shirt. Since after the kids where done beating him up, they stole his clothes and threw them into the river.

Naomi had nothing more to say to this, but she was hesitant to hang up the phone. She asked him where she could pick him up, and he told her as best he could.

"Sit tight and don't go anywhere," she said before hanging up. There was no real compassion in her voice, but no condemnation either. Her composure was comforting, in a way.

Shinji put his phone into his backpack alongside his soiled clothing. There was nothing to do but sit and wait.

* * *

><p>Naomi arrived in a big black van with tinted windows. It was impossible to see inside of the van, save for through the windshield and that had a slight tint to it as well. The tires seemed large for the frame of the vehicle, but they proved their worth as the van drove easily through the wet and muddied grass as if it were pavement. As he watched its approach, Shinji could only wonder how many agents were packed inside. He wondered why such a large vehicle was necessary for a simple pick-up. Were they really planning to jump out and handcuff him as soon as they were close enough?<p>

Shinji was relieved when Naomi exited the vehicle alone, but he did note that she was not the one driving. She held a bag with his clothes in one hand. He didn't rise to meet her, opting instead to sit with his arms wrapped around his naked knees. Naomi refused to shy away from his near nakedness. She briefly looked him up and down, scanning for injuries. He felt highly exposed as her eyes roamed his body and was relieved when her gaze rested squarely on his face.

"Get dressed," she said, handing him the bag of clothing. "We can bandage you up in the car."

Naomi turned around respectfully as Shinji did as he was told. It was nice to be wearing something other than his underwear. He hadn't given much thought to the cold in his anxiousness, but now that Naomi was actually here, his senses returned to him. It was strange. The only reason he'd gone after Toji was because he knew he couldn't depend on her to keep him safe. But with her present, it was almost as if a weight had been lifted. As she lead him to the back seat of the van and took out the first aid kit, he felt a sudden wave of gratitude. Yes, it was her fault that he'd started to fight, and maybe he'd never really forgive her for that. But as the sting of rubbing alcohol hit his face, he realized that even if it hurt, she'd always be there to clean up the mess.

His begrudging gratitude quickly disappeared when Naomi plashed a small bandage over his cheek and gently whispered into his ear.

"I know you're lying."

Sirens blared in the distance.

* * *

><p>Upon hearing the sirens, Naomi quickly ushered Shinji into the back of the van and took a seat next to him. A claustrophobic feeling overtook Shinji as the doors automatically locked on each side. He looked up into Naomi's face, hesitantly, but she wasn't paying him any attention. Her attention was starkly divided between demanding answers from her cell phone and dictating directions to the driver.<p>

"What's its position?" she asked with a quiet intensity. Then without missing a beat she said, "Take a left up on 35th street and stick to the back roads."

"Yes sir," said the driver. These were the only words he spoke during the car ride.

Naomi placed her phone in her lap, but did not end the call. She turned to Shinji and said, "An angel has been sighted. We're taking you directly to the geofront. I trust that you're prepared."

Shinji did not meet her eyes, but nodded his head.

"Good," said Naomi.

The rest of the ride was short and uneventful. The van sped along the roads at speeds that could not be legal as Shinji stared tensely out the window. He was both fearing and expecting to find glimpses of some monstrosity through the gaps in the skyscrapers, but nothing of the sort appeared. The route that the driver had taken managed to avoid any sign of the monster that was attacking the city. Instead, Shinji was only met with the sight of panicked people scrambling to the nearest shelter. Many of them were fleeing from their vehicles and homes in a frenzy. Dropping anything and everything in a mad scramble for safety. Shinji did not want to fight, but he was more afraid of joining them.

In some ways it was too much for Shinji to handle. After everything that had already happened today he was expected to fight a_ monster_. As much as that legitimately scared him, it was in some way a relief. He was one step away from being a convicted murderer. His life was going to change forever and that frightened him more than any monster did. At least this fight was something he had control over. After that there was nothing he could do.

He took a strange comfort in the cockpit of the Evangelion, in a way he never had before. Adjusting to the LCL and initiating the synchronization process was almost therapeutic. Even though he could not stop shaking the entire time, he was not surprised to find that his synchronization score was higher than usual. This was something he knew he could do because he'd already done it before: A fight for survival.

* * *

><p>Shinji grit his teeth as they launched Unit 01 to the surface. His stomach lurched as he felt a moment of weightlessness. He reached the surface and immediately scanned the horizon for his target.<p>

"How are you feeling Shinji?" asked Misato over the intercom.

"Fine."

"Good," said Misato. "The angel is due south of your current location. Head there and maintain a distance of ten kilometers. Engage on my mark."

Shinji was moving before she finished speaking. He ran toward the target, riding a wave of adrenaline that he was much too afraid to fall from. He barely registered the large purple monster and its strange energy tentacle whips; his mind couldn't afford to. When he reached the target radius Misato hailed him over the com-link.

"I'm sending up a rifle." A building sprung up from the ground and a side panel folded out to reveal the weapon. "Fire at will, but do not engage the enemy in close combat."

This was what Shinji needed: a target, a goal. He withdrew the rifle from the hidden weapon stash and lined up a shot on the immobile angel. He fired with reckless abandon filling the air with light and smoke.

"Stop firing!" yelled Misato. "You'll kill your visibility!"

Shinji only had a second to recognize his mistake. The cloud of smoke surrounding him completely blocked out his view of the target. He heard an audible crack as a glowing whip sliced diagonally through his rifle.

"Retreat," said Misato. She didn't have to tell him twice.

He dropped the useless gun to the ground and quickly back-stepped. A small gasp escaped his lips as a whip struck the ground just where he was standing. Through a stroke of bad luck, his umbilical cord was severed by the attack. Shinji didn't waste any time mourning and continued to run backwards in his haste. This was a mistake. The eva's foot unexpectedly made contact with the roof of a car and Shinji felt himself stumbling backwards into the hillside. The angel was right on his tail.

"I've arranged for a replacement cord and rifle 30 kilometers east. I've marked the location on your HUD. Get up and head there now!" said Misato.

Shinji attempted to follow orders but the angel was on him before he could do anything. Twin whips came crashing down before he could even begin to move. Without thinking, he focused his AT field into his hands and grabbed the whips. As he grappled with the monstrous horror above him, he noticed the luminescent red core in its center. There wasn't a single dent in it from the onslaught of bullets he had fired earlier. His mind went blank. His goal was clear.

"Retreat!" cried Misato. "You have less than 4 minutes of operational activity."

Shinji paid her no mind. He pulled the angel toward him by the tentacles and used the momentum to kick the body of the angel away. He used the momentary reprieve to rise to his feet and withdraw his progressive knife.

"What are you doing!" yelled Misato. "Do not engage!"

Shinji rushed forward screaming at the top of his lungs. He saw the whips rising toward him as he charged, knowing it would hurt him, knowing he could still step away, but his feet did not stop. He violently jabbed the knife into the large red sphere and grit his teeth as the glowing whips pierced his chest in retaliation. Shinji yelled out in pain, but pressed the knife ever forward. Time ticked away as they wrestled each other for the last vestiges of life.

The angel grew weaker and weaker, but Shinji never let up on his attack. He screamed along with the burning pain in his chest, until the angel moved no more. Then all he could hear was his own haggard breathing and the sound of Misato hailing him over the radio. Then the cabin went dark and the radio cut out.

All he could hear was his breathing. Gasping slowly. In and out.

* * *

><p>"What were you thinking?"<p>

Shinji was surprised to see Misato angry because he didn't think she was capable of it. Of all the people he'd met since moving to Tokyo-3, Misato had treated him the kindest by far. He wasn't exactly afraid of Misato as she hovered above him, explaining his apparent ineptitude. But he found the image to be very off-putting.

"I just wanted it dead," said Shinji, staring up at her from his seat on the locker room bench. He didn't quite meet her eyes.

Misato barely registered his response. "You had orders, Shinji. Orders are given for a reason. Do you realize how much it costs to recover an Eva Unit after it's lost power? Hundreds of thousands of dollars' worth of resources were wasted in that aspect of today's mission alone."

Shinji shrugged. NERV's recourses had never been his concern. If she was worried about that, she should take it up with Naomi.

"I saw an opening," he said. "I knew I could kill it."

"And what if your plan hadn't worked? You would have been stranded in a wounded EVA with no power. And everyone here, including you, would have died."

"It's dead," said Shinji quietly. "Not me."

Misato slapped him cleanly across the face.

She staggered backwards in surprise when Shinji slapped her back.

* * *

><p>Misato didn't follow after him when he left the locker room, nor did she yell at him or demand that he apologize. She just let him go.<p>

Looking back on the incident, Shinji was surprised that he hadn't been lead back to his room in handcuffs. But an escort wasn't needed. He'd been willing enough to go there on his own.

He should have realized that his room was a jail cell long before NERV confined him. It wasn't until the door closed behind him and refused to open, that it truly sunk in. The two way intercom should have been a dead giveaway. They could easily listen in on him at any time without his consent, and they frequently disturbed his solitude at will.

Shinji didn't mind the interruptions. The orders from the intercom where the only companionship he'd had for his first three days of confinement.

"Place your hands on the wall opposite the door and face forward."

Complying with this demand was the only way to receive food. The door would open briefly and an employee (Shinji never saw his or her face) would slide a tray of food into the room. The door would close quickly afterwards.

"You have fifteen minutes to shower."

The bathroom door was always open, but the water only ran during these brief daily intervals. The water cut off once the fifteen minutes were over. It did not matter whether Shinji was finished or not.

"Lights out in ten minutes."

Whether he was playing his cello or reading a book, the lights went out at 7pm every night, blanketing the room in complete darkness. It did not matter if he asked them for more time. It did not matter if he screamed at the injustice. The lights would not come on.

Shinji tried to reason with the people behind the intercom. Explain that he'd only been trying to protect himself. That all he'd ever done was what they'd asked him to do.

He tried threatening them. He said that he'd never pilot again if they didn't let him out. He painted a rather bleak picture of angels invading the base in mass, devouring each and every one of them in turn as he sat in this very room refusing to lift a finger.

He even tried apologizing. Not for hitting Misato, but for Toji. He was sorry for Toji, even if it wasn't his fault. He didn't want to do it. He would never do it again, he'd sobbed. He was honestly, truly, sorry.

But they never responded. Not until Naomi entered his room on the third day.

Naomi did not announce herself when she entered the room, nor did she require him to assume any position. The door opened and she walked through. Shinji could only stare at her in surprise, feeling a strange mixture of anger, relief, and panic. He wanted to run towards her and say something, or perhaps make a rush for the door, but he was too afraid to move, least his actions caused her to leave him alone again. He could only stare up at her in silence as he sat on his bed.

"Shinji," she said quietly. She didn't have to though. He was already giving her his undivided attention. "Do you know why you're here?"

Shiinji shook his head slowly and waited for her to elaborate. When she showed no sign of speaking, he attempted a hesitant answer. "Because I killed Suzahara," he whispered. It hurt to say the words, but he had to say something.

Naomi shook her head. "Try again."

"Because I struck Misato…" Naomi neither confirmed nor denied this. "A-and disobeyed orders."

"Wrong. You're describing the symptoms, Shinji. What I'm looking for is the cause."

Shinji braced himself for action. Naomi had not moved from the doorway, as if she hadn't intended to stay long. He didn't have the answers she was looking for, but he was desperate not to be left in the dark again. The chances of him tackling Naomi before she could close the door were slim, but he was ready to try the moment she showed signs of leaving.

"Why did you attack Toji?" she asked, throwing him completely off guard. He'd thought the time for questions was over. He wasn't eager to respond.

"I was afraid of him," he said.

"So you killed him?"

Shinji weighed his answer carefully. "Only because he was going to kill me."

"And how did you know that he was ready to kill you?"

"He _told_ me!"

Naomi seemed almost surprised at that.

"And you believed him?" she asked.

"Yes."

"You believed that killing him first was the only way to stop him?"

"_Yes!_"

"What about Captain Katsuragi. Was striking her the only way to stop her from striking you?"

Shinji knew that there was no right answer to this question, but he could not bring himself to stay silent.

"She shouldn't have hit me."

"Yes," said Naomi, "And you shouldn't have hit her."

Shinji couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You told me to defend myself."

"Yes, I did," said Naomi, unmoved by his incredulity. "It was more important than anything that you learn to do so. You were right to take action, in both situations and I don't fault you for it."

"Then why am I locked up here?"

"Because you have not learned proper discretion." Shinji only had a vague idea what that word meant. He was surprised and relieved when Naomi came to sit down next to him on the bed.

"Captain Katsuragi hit you because you because you did not follow her orders. She felt that if you refused to follow her orders in the future, it might lead toward failure in a battle. If you simply followed her orders from then on, you would never have been struck. If you had _lied_ about being willing to follow her orders, you probably still might not have been struck. Or if you had the presence of mine to report to me or another employee about her misconduct, perhaps she would have been reprimanded instead. These are three of many non-violent options you could have used to prevent yourself from being attacked in the future."

Shinji kept his silence.

"The situation with Toji Suzahara was the same. Instead of taking the life of a fellow human being, you could have simply transferred, as he suggested. If you did not believe that a threat on your life would drive me to intervene, you could have gone to a teacher with the information. Or even the police. Given that you are being watched almost all the time, you could have easily avoided being alone with Suzahara and gone about your business despite his useless threats. There were numerous options available to you in both situations, and in each case you chose the most drastic."

Shinji felt his throat close in on him and tears began to well in his eyes. He'd done something awful… for absolutely no reason. He was ready to cry when the hard slap across his face drew him out of his self-pity. He looked up at her in shock.

"Proper discretion," said Naomi as if she hadn't struck him. "Is the ability to choose the most beneficial course of action out of nearly limitless possibilities."

She struck him again with an open hand and Shinji cried out in pain and anger. He finally had the sense to recoil away from her.

"You must always consider all the options available to you as well as any possible consequences of those actions." But Shinji was hardly listening to her anymore. He simply couldn't believe she'd hit him. The anger rising within him was nearly blinding.

"You can attempt to hit me back and satisfy your sense of justice, if you'd like, but realize that you'll be making an enemy where there was none before. An enemy far bigger than, Suzahara, or Katsuragi. You'll be declaring war on NERV… on humanity itself." She paused to let this information sink in. "Or you can truly take your situation into account. You are a known murderer who has assaulted his commanding officer. We'd be well within our rights to keep you here forever, or send you to prison."

Shinji spoke slowly through clenched teeth. "You need me," he said.

Naomi shook her head as she rose from her spot on the bed.

"Rei was declared fit to pilot yesterday," she said. "We want you to pilot, Shinji. But we don't need you. Especially if you can't control yourself."

This did nothing to alleviate Shinji's anger but a flash of uncertainty rose upon his face. He followed Naomi in panic as she headed toward the door only to be shoved roughly onto the floor.

"Use your discretion," she said evenly. "Stay here in this room for two more days. Show us that you have some self-control and maybe we can foster a working relationship that doesn't involve your incarceration. Or you can leave us now and face the consequences. The choice is yours."

After speaking these words, Naomi left. But the door didn't close behind her as Shinji thought it would. He stared at the space where she had stood for several minutes waiting for someone to realize this, but nothing happened. Shinji stood up from his spot on the floor and walked over to the doorway. He was surprised when the door didn't immediately close. Slowly he poked his head out and surveyed the hallway. There was no sign of Naomi or anyone else.

No voice came out over the intercom telling him to step away from the door. There was only Naomi's parting words ringing in his ears.

_The choice is yours._

9A – Shinji Learns Why the Caged Bird Sings

9B – Shinji Learns that Freedom Isn't Free

**9C - NERV Learns Why Tigers Should be Caged (Go To Chapter 10)**

**Voting is now closed for this chapter. Feel free to leave a review.  
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	10. 9C

**Chapter: ** 9C – NERV Learns Why Tigers Should Stay Caged

**Choice Path: **Start – 1A – 5B – 7A/7B – 9C

**Author: **Fresh C

_A dream._

_The tiger chases him through the field. He runs as fast as possible, but it is not fast enough. The animal bites at his feet, tearing his heels to shreds even as he runs. It slashes into his back with razor sharp claws. He bleeds rolling streams of agony onto the ground. He doesn't feel himself dying, but he knows it in his heart, and so does the tiger. He continues to run, yes, but he moves slower. He's weaker. He will die._

_So he stops. The tiger does as well. He stares the beast in its eye and can only see the thrill of the fight. It looks at him hungrily, contemplating his demise. "Come at me," it says, but its lips do not move. "Of all the world, there is you and I. Of you and I, one must die."_

_He searches the ground in desperation, finds a rock and brings it to bear. The tiger laughs with its taunting eyes and charges forward. He has no choice but to rise up to the challenge of his rival. Two swift motions. A slash of claws, a hard struck blow. He is bleeding, he is hurt, but he still stands. The tiger falls to the ground._

_A man comes and finds him standing over the tiger. He takes one look at the scene and runs away in horror. "Beast!" cries the man as he flees. "Beast!" The man is not gone long, before he returns again with several other men. On their shoulders the men bear a cage. He is grabbed, then shoved by all of them. Pushed into the cage by strong uncaring hands. They yell at him "Beast!" and poke him with sticks. Prodding and taunting. He sees the hatred and fear in their eyes but does not understand. The animal was dead. He'd killed it himself. Yet the men were all the more afraid._

_He looks out of the cage, between the impenetrable bars, behind the men and their imposing sticks and faltering rage. He looks and he looks, but he cannot find the tiger. Instead, he sees a little boy, bleeding on the ground. Blood streaming from the cuts on his back, his chest and his heels. He knows why the little boy is dead. He knows that he was the one to kill him._

_He cries out in anguish and regret. The men recoil from his roar in fear. For he was the beast. He was the tiger._

* * *

><p>Shinji kept close watch on the door. Leaving it open was the one kindness NERV had granted him. Because as long as it was open he knew that he could leave, that he <em>would <em>leave as soon as his two day trial was over. However, this was the only kindness offered to him in his imprisonment. For even with the door open he was just as much a prisoner as when it had been locked shut.

Naomi had made that much clear. The choice she had given him was nothing more than an illusion. There was no way to leave NERV now. Not with the sins they held over his head waiting to crash down. She had said he could leave anytime he wanted, but there was no guarantee that there weren't guards somewhere, waiting to grab him should he choose to do so. Even if she were true to her word, the moment he left NERV he would be considered an enemy to humanity. They would spread word of his involvement in Toji's death. He'd be a fugitive with no place to go.

No, the only option was to stay still and wait. To sit there in his cell, staring out into the hallway outside. Fearing that they would change their mind and suddenly close the door, never to open it again. He busied himself as best he could, reading the few school books he'd brought home (including his history book) and practicing the cello. The other residents of the hallway occasionally looked in on him as they walked by the door. Some of them even stopped to listen to him play. Few of them stayed very long, and no one said a word in greeting. The only other interruption was the man who hastily brought him his food. He allowed Shinji to see his face now, but he was no more friendly than when the door had been locked.

The lights still went out at the unreasonable hour of seven PM. Shinji wasn't inclined to read his textbooks by the faint hallway lights. Instead he lay on his bed in darkness, thinking about his life. He felt that he was almost completely able to plot out where things would go from there.

They didn't need him, Naomi had said, but they wanted him. The only reason he was still here was because they had a use for him, just as his father had said. Looking back on it, he could see how every interaction he'd had so far had only been an effort to use him. Exploiting his connection to his father to draw him here, using Toji's cruelty to toughen him, and even now, using his own retaliation against him as blackmail. Everything he'd done was guided, calculated. They were preening him to be the perfect tool. And still they called it freedom.

Pilot or die. Kill or be killed. Comply to their demands or become a pariah. They had given him such weighted choices that there was no way he could have chosen anything other than the path he was given. If that was freedom then he didn't want it.

In those moments, lying there in this unnatural darkness, he seriously considered leaving his cell. But every time he got up to leave, he hovered near the doorway and stopped himself. He wasn't afraid of Naomi's threats. As long as he was under NERV's influence it would be no different than being in jail. He would be controlled and abused without mercy. Even if he followed their rules, they had already made him their enemy. No, it wasn't fear that stopped him from leaving, but the lesson Naomi had taught him through her speech: discretion. If he was going to be the enemy of NERV, he would treat them like a true opponent.

He would wait out his sentence and confront the enemy on his own terms.

* * *

><p>At six AM the next morning, Shinji awoke to the gentle shaking of his shoulder. It took him a moment to fully awaken. When his eyes did open he recoiled in surprise. Naomi stood over him with a slight frown on her face. Shinji did his best to hide his initial shock. He did not want her to know that she'd scared him.<p>

"Get ready," she said. "I'm walking you to school."

Shinji thought briefly of protesting. After all he'd gone through to maintain his place there; he didn't want to go back to the school. There was no one there that he considered a friend and some of his worse memories were tied to the place. No one had stopped to offer him a hand. And even after he had clearly exposed Toji as the bully that he was, none of them had bothered to take his side. Sure there had been some people who were interested in the scandal of it all, but they only cared for gossip. Not for Shinji.

Even so, he knew better than to argue with Naomi. It was much too early to go against anything she said. If she didn't trust him, or at least believe in his ability to comply to her authority, there was nothing to stop her from locking him up again. If that ever happened he doubted they would give him a second chance to prove himself useful.

Shinji had to stop himself from screaming when Naomi exited the room and closed the door behind her. He realized she was just giving him privacy, but the fear of being confined again nearly overcame him. He hastily pulled on a pair of slacks and a shirt and sighed in relief when he was able to open the door again.

"Ready?" asked Namoi.

Shinji merely nodded and let her lead the way. They made it to the elevator in a nearby hallway when she began to talk again.

"You made the right choice," she said. Shinji nodded. "I hope you understand now how things will proceed. We'll give you as much leeway as possible with your life. Nothing's changed in that respect. We'll treat you well so long as you continue to be useful."

What would happen when he wasn't useful, she did not say. There was no point in asking either, since he already knew. It was only a matter of time really. He could injure himself as Rei had… perhaps worse and they'd discard him like trash. They'd wash their hands of him. Throw him jail, or abandon him to the streets. Shinji's only hope now was to make the most of this leeway while he had it.

When the elevator reached the surface level, the two of them walked out to the front gate. Shinji waited until they passed the guarded turn-style to inform Naomi of a decision he'd made days ago.

"I'd like to move into an apartment," he said. The thought of living in that jail cell another night was nearly unbearable.

His heart sunk as Naomi slowly shook her head.

"You let Ayanami live on her own," he persisted. But he already knew it was futile.

"Ayanami can be trusted," said Naomi flatly. "Until you can prove that you deserve the same trust, you'll have to stay at headquarters."

It was exactly what Shinji feared. His past actions were considered unredeemable. There was nothing left to say.

* * *

><p>When he reached classroom 2-A, the room quieted down some. The kids who had been happily talking to one another, all turned to look at him. Shinji tried his best to ignore their obvious stares. He found that the seat he normally sat in was already filled by a short haired girl he had never seen before. All the other seats in the class were filled as well, including Toji's old seat. It was as if by leaving both of them had ceased to exist.<p>

He was somewhat surprised when the class representative approached him.

"Ikari," she said in greeting. "Did you transfer back?"

Shinji almost laughed at the absurdity. It seemed that every time he was absent, everyone assumed he was never coming back. Did they hate him so much to have such wishful thinking?

"No," he said. "I didn't go anywhere."

"Sorry," Hikari seemed aptly confused. "When the teacher stopped calling your name at roll call, we just assumed that you transferred. Like Suzahara did."

"No," said Shinji with more force than he meant to. Hikari drew back slightly in surprise. Shinji managed to control himself and say, "Not like Suzahara. I'm here."

"Okay," said Hikari. She wasn't looking at his face anymore. "Let's get you a desk."

* * *

><p>Class was awkward for Shinji. He was behind in everything and had little idea what was being discussed at any particular moment. Ironically, this only caused his attention to wander more. His eyes roamed the classroom, taking in the familiar yet disconcerting sight. The students sat there with varying degrees of interest. Some were legitimately listening to the teacher but they were few and far between. Most were chatting on the instant messenger or staring off into space. Ayanami seemed to be the most blatant offender. She was obviously staring out the window, turning her body completely as if to telegraph her disinterest. The teacher occasionally looked at her and some of the other students with annoyance, but he kept his peace. Apparently it wasn't worth the effort to reprimand them.<p>

Just a week before Shinji had been willing to fight for this simple place in society. It was strange to see others treating it in such a carefree manner. Like it didn't even matter.

_They don't deserve it._

He thought this with clarity and knew it was true. None of them had ever had to work for this peaceful life. They all lived here without a care in the world. Devaluing what others have fought and died for. Shinji would give anything to feel so free. And he knew, though the truth of it scared him, that Suzahara would have done the same. That was why they were enemies. By simply existing together they had robbed each other of peace.

Those who had peace didn't appreciate it. Those who fought for peace could never enjoy it. It truly wasn't fair.

* * *

><p>Rei Ayanami did not speak unless spoken to. But when she did speak it was always clear that she had been listening. She tended not to meet people's eyes for the most part. Instead she gave her attention to seemingly random things like a tree outside the window, or the tile pattern on the floor. The only people she deemed worthy of her full attention where her commanding officers and, to a lesser extent, Shinji himself. The rest of the world was passing scenery. Only NERV mattered to her and that's why she mattered to Shinji. To fight your enemy, you must know them. And no one knew NERV better than Rei.<p>

He didn't approach her directly at first. He admitted to himself that he was somewhat intimidated. Where the class had no problem hounding him for information as if they were entitled, no one bothered to talk to Rei unless it was absolutely necessary. Shinji could see why. She was odd. Quiet, yet exacting. When her eyes did meet his he instantly felt unnerved. He couldn't tell what she was thinking and so he couldn't predict what she would say or do. To Shinji's mind that made her dangerous. So he reserved himself to observation at first.

Synchronization tests were a different experience since Shinji's incarceration. There was nothing of the encouraging atmosphere that Misato usually displayed. In fact, had Ritsuko not mentioned Misato offhandedly, Shinji wouldn't have even known she was there. Ritsuko, for her part, was as professional as ever. If she had any inkling of the things he'd done to earn her friend's displeasure, she showed no sign of it. She politely compelled him to relax and concentrate. Asking him to preform without the pleading tone of a question. He never had liked Ritsuko and he supposed it didn't matter. He wasn't there for her or for Misato. His only goals were to placate NERV and observe Rei.

Shinji was surprised when Rei accepted his invitation for a private communication channel. He held no illusions that a private channel actually indicated privacy, but he didn't really have much to say to Rei anyways. He'd contacted her on a whim, and perhaps, on a whim she had responded.

A small image appeared in the upper right hand corner of Unit O1's visual display. Shinji saw Rei's passive face, calmly facing forward. Her eyes were closed as if she were waging some internal debate. Shinji realized instantly that he really did have nothing to say to Rei. All the questions that came to mind were far from appropriate.

_Why does my father love you? How did you earn NERV's trust? How can you stand this life?_

No. Asking any of these questions out loud would be like putting his neck on the chopping block. It was better if no one knew what he was after. Let them think he was only concerned with survival. That he was content with their illusion of freedom. Ayanami's silence made it a pretense that was easy to maintain. She did not ask him what he wanted or even open her eyes to look at him. In return, Shinji watched her in silence. He found her lack of curiosity to be annoying. Though Ritsuko constantly reminded them to concentrate, Shinji had always found synchronization to be pretty easy. He could not imagine Rei was so distracted by the process that she couldn't be bothered to look at him. The longer he stared at her, the more annoyed he felt. He knew it was irrational to be upset when it was he who had contacted her without talking, but he couldn't stop himself. By the time the test was over he was seething.

Misato praised Rei for improving on her previous scores.

"Did my score increase?" asked Shinji.

"Your score has risen by 2.5 percent," said Ritsuko. All facts. No praise. "You're both free to go."

Only then did Rei open her eyes. She met Shinji's gaze and the intensity of her eyes caused him to look away. His annoyance was replaced with anger for himself. He now understood the reason why he hadn't spoken to her. Her dismissal of him was only a reflection of his own dismissal of himself. He could not bear to look her in the eye, knowing she was favored and privileged while he was just a slave.

Shinji exited the Eva slowly, wallowing in his self-pity. He watched the retreating back of Rei as she walked ahead of him. In his mind he saw it fitting. He had the higher synchronization score, he was the only one to successfully kill an angel in battle and still she was ahead. But when they reached the dressing rooms for the pilots Rei stopped and turned to him.

"You were watching me?" she asked, but the way she asked it was strange. Almost as if the question itself confused her.

Shinji was suddenly conscious of the sour look on his face. He tried to clear it while he thought of an answer. "I guess," he said. If he had denied it she would only ask him why he had opened the com channel at all.

"Why?" Rei asked.

Shinji shrugged. "Because I wanted to see you." _I need to know you._

Rei nodded at this and stared at him for a moment longer. Color rose to her face. She entered the girl's locker-room without another word.

* * *

><p>Shinji spent most of his free time outside now. His room had become more of a storage area than a home. He was only there to sleep. He ate his meals out in a picnic area on the surface of the geofront. It was normally quiet there as few people actually had access to the area. He didn't like how the geofront was confined by the ceiling of the world above them, but he also didn't want to walk around Tokyo-3. Naomi or some other agent would follow him around if he walked around on the surface level. At the geofront he had the one thing denied to him in any other place: privacy.<p>

When he first started coming there, he would occasionally run into other NERV employees. But as he continued to visit this spot, fewer and fewer people came. Those that continued to come, paid him little mind. They were as content as he was to ignore each other and enjoy the simple quiet of the scenery.

Shinji liked the way that sunlight streamed down from grates above them. Only a scant few beams shone into the darkness, like the light of God peeking through the clouds. It made the clear lake sparkle and shine with an unearthly glow. He imagined that heaven looked something like this. The only thing that ruined the illusion was the towering black pyramid behind him, darkening the space with its irregularity. It was a natural thing for Shinji to turn his back on it.

He spent his time down there doing all that he would have done in his room. He ate there, read books, played his cello (which was an awkward thing to drag through the halls of NERV) and simply enjoyed the view. It was his only safe haven. That's why he was so perturbed when it was invaded by Rei.

She sat next to him as he sat on the bench. She kept a decent distance, but she was close enough to be casual. As if they were acquaintances or even friends. But Shinji did not turn to her as she sat down and neither one of them offered a greeting. They both stared off into the lake in silence. For a while Shinji tried his best to ignore her and in time he succeeded. When Rei spoke to him, he was almost startled. Given the previous intensity of all their meetings, he was surprised by how easy it was to ignore her.

"You're not looking at me," she said. There was no hurt in her voice, nor was this an accusation. She was merely stating a fact. Shinji didn't know what to say.

"Do you still want to see me?" she asked. The question caught him completely off guard. Despite himself he turned to look at her. He saw her eyes, remembered that this was the source of that intensity, and quickly turned away. He found that he was blushing now and cursed his awkwardness. This wasn't the type of intelligence gathering he had in mind.

"I like to see other things too."

Rei nodded. "Do you want me to leave?" she asked.

Shinji shrugged. She decided to stay.

"What do you like to see here?" asked Rei.

Shinji shrugged once more. "I just like it here."

"Why?"

"Because it's beautiful," said Shinji his blush appearing once again. He hoped that she would stop asking questions but she did not.

"Why is it beautiful?"

Shinji hesitated in his answer. "Because… it's free."

He looked over to Rei and into her intense eyes and saw understanding there. She knew that he did not mean free as in lacking cost. She knew he spoke of freedom. A thing that was itself, purely because it existed. She stared at him in contemplation before speaking once more.

"But it is not free," she said. Shinji frowned at the words. "This place was crafted for the sake of humanity. The lake water is used for cooling systems and waste disposal. It also serves as a barrier between others and this island. The surrounding hills make the area harder to navigate for potential enemies. This place was designed purely for our use and protection."

Shinji felt a sense of vertigo as Rei explained this.

"Such terrain could never have existed naturally," she said. "If there is beauty in this place, it lies in its containment, not its freedom."

Shinji opened his mouth several times to argue, but stopped himself each time. Rei's explanation had been thorough. There was no room to disagree. He turned away from her, hoping to drive her words from his mind as well as her presence. But as he looked out over the lake he no longer felt contentment.

* * *

><p>Shinji didn't need to observe Rei in stealth anymore. She had begun to follow him around almost constantly. She wasn't stalking him or anything of the sort, but he found that more often than not she was in his presence. She ate lunch with him in the classroom and walked home with him from school. She waited for him after simulations and synchronization tests and on occasion even sought him out in his room (though only for NERV related issues).<p>

Rei had become the single most constant presence in his life. Yet for all the time they spent in each other's company, he hardly knew any more about her than he'd already known before. The two of them didn't talk much, at least not about anything important. The only personal information he'd learned about her was the direction that her apartment building was in and that she did not like to eat meat. Yet it seemed as if she'd learned everything important there was to know about him in a matter of weeks.

Rei had a way of asking questions in a blunt manner that forced you to answer truthfully or not all. There was no way to be evasive. And when she looked at Shinji, always with rapt attention, it was as if she were compelling him to speak up and fill in the silence. Only then would she look away and allow him to do the same.

She knew of his displeasure at living on base. He'd told her in few words how he felt almost enslaved by NERV and their control over his life. Though he tried to conceal his bitterness at the difference between the way they were treated, it leaked out occasionally. Rei did not seem to hold this against him.

"We are all enslaved by the shackles of fate," she said, and left it at that.

Shinji didn't know of any other fourteen year olds who spoke like Rei. In some ways he resented her for it. It was as if she was flaunting her intelligence in his face. But he felt bad about these feelings. He knew she meant no harm when she talked to him that way. It was as natural to her as small talk was to other people. Rei meant no more disrespect by her high-minded words than she did by visiting him each day and forcing him to remember that she was the one who was free to come and go as she pleased.

The mystery of Rei's status at NERV remained a mystery. Rei was by all accounts, a second rate pilot when compared to him. From what he could tell she had no other duties to NERV that were any more vital than his own. There were times when she was absent from school for several days, but these absences were attributed to medical treatment. For what illness Shinji did not know. In any case, nothing that Rei had done warranted her freedom. People treated her kinder and allowed her to live by herself simply because of who she was. Just as they held his sins against him, her blamelessness ensured her right to privileges. There was no secret to her success. She held no virtue that he could subscribe to in order to raise his worth in NERV's eyes.

Shinji tried to enjoy her company, knowing that she was not responsible for the preferential treatment she received. Yet he envied her all the same.

* * *

><p>It surprised Shinji when the class representative asked him to deliver the week's assignment to Rei's apartment. He'd heard other classmates complaining about Hikari's diligence, tracking them down on 'sick days' and making sure their work was in their hands. Given the girl's insistent hands on approach, it was strange that she would delegate the task to anyone else.<p>

"If it's not too much trouble," Hikari added after seeing his hesitance. "Ayanami is almost never there when I go to visit her, and I'm not sure that she gets the assignments when I leave them in her mailbox. So I thought you could hand them to her the next time you see her… since you're friends."

Shinji agreed to help out and Hikari thanked him with relief. It was a strange idea to consider Rei as a friend, but when Shinji thought about it, he supposed there was no one else close enough to him to hold that title. And even though he had given up on viewing Rei as a source of Intel, he found that he was interested in her all the same. He tried to picture the apartment she lived in. He doubted it was anything big or fancy (the stipend NERV had offered them was too small to allow that). But he knew there wouldn't be locks on the door to keep her inside. Nor would there be microphones and cameras observing her every move. She could come and go as she chose, without worrying about how such an action would be perceived by those who watched her. The more Shinji thought on this, the more eager he was to see the place. But beneath that eagerness lay a subtle dread. He knew that seeing what he couldn't have would only make him want it more.

When he neared the address listed on the handout Hikari had given him, he was surprised by his surroundings. The building that Rei lived in was on the outskirts of the neighborhood surrounding NERV headquarters. It was an industrial district with a lot of ongoing construction. Even now, he could hear the workers toiling away with the sounds of heavy machinery running.

Upon entering the building he quickly located Rei's apartment. A stack of unopened mail was jammed unceremoniously into her mail slot. Shinji had to check the handout to make sure he had the right apartment number.

He knocked on the door. No one answered. He waited a few seconds and knocked again. After thirty seconds of waiting he decided that there would likely be no answer. He thought about leaving the assignments with the pile of mail, but realized that that was exactly why Hikari had asked him to do it instead.

The doorknob turned without resistance and Shinji hesitantly entered the apartment. It was the dirtiest place he had ever seen. Clothes and garbage lay in piles on the ground. A layer of dust clung to the floor like paint. There was no furniture anywhere. The kitchen was a mess. Several pots and pans littered the counter and it looked as if nothing had been washed. Ever.

"Ayanami," he called out quietly. He repeated himself in a louder voice, but no one answered. Figuring she wasn't home, Shinji looked around for a place to put the assignments where it wouldn't be lost among the mess. Finding no such place in the living room or kitchen he decided to enter her bedroom.

The door was already open, but the curtains were drawn closed. Shinji turned on the light to look around. When he saw Rei resting on the bed in her school uniform he nearly jumped out of his skin. She was staring at the ceiling with her eyes keenly open.

"Ayanami!" he yelled. Rei lifted her head to look at him briefly then quickly lowered it back onto her pillow again. Shinji gripped the papers in his hands and fought the urge to flee the room. He felt the need to defend his invasion of her privacy. "I knocked at the door."

"I heard," said Rei. She continued to stare up at nothing.

"I have your assignments from school. The class representative asked me to bring them."

There was no response this time.

"Would you like me to put them…" the bedroom was just as cluttered as the other rooms, only there were bloody bandages on the floor. "… somewhere?"

"Anywhere," said Rei.

Shinji gently nudged a pile of clothes to clear off a spot by the doorway. He placed the papers on the empty spot. Again he felt like he should leave, but could not. Rei had spoken to him but it was almost as if she hadn't acknowledged that he existed. It was strange compared to the almost unnerving attention she usually gave him.

"I'm sorry if I woke you.

"I was not asleep," said Rei.

"What are you doing?' he asked, not really caring how harsh it sounded. He was familiar enough with Rei to know that she wouldn't mind the straightforwardness.

"Resting."

For some reason it seemed odd to Shinji that she would deliberately spend time staring up at the ceiling.

"Are you still hurt?" he asked.

"No."

"Tired then?"

"No," said Rei.

Shinji could think of no response to this.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked uncertainly. For some reason he was breathing harder than before. He felt out of sorts. Nervous.

"No," said Rei and nothing else. Shinji had asked the question but he wasn't sure how to interpret the answer. Did that mean that she wanted him to stay, or that she just didn't care.

Hesitantly he made his way to the bed and sat down beside her. He looked up into her face and found her red eyes looking back at him. It occurred to Shinji that Rei was pretty. Or more accurately that she could be pretty if she tried. She had soft facial features that displayed a certain femininity, yet her expression was always guarded. Shinji tried and failed to imagine her smile.

He could no longer look at her eyes and found his gaze wandering her body. He had a moment to notice her small breasts before looking back up into Rei's eyes with a sudden fear. She was staring at him, so she clearly noticed where he had been looking, yet her eyes were as impassive as ever. There was no judgment there.

With shaky movements Shinji brought his hand to rest on her leg. Rei merely blinked at the action. Shinji could feel his heart beating in his chest as he brought his hand up to caress her thigh. He let his hand rest on her leg beneath her skirt and stared into her eyes, demanding her to say something. To do something to stop him. He waited for what seemed like an eternity, but Rei was silent and still.

Suddenly, something clicked inside Shinji's head. He withdrew his hand quickly from her skirt and looked at it in confusion. He looked at her in confusion as well. It sickened him the way she stared at him. Curious, but not condemning or accepting. He stared back at her for a moment, but then realized he could look no more.

Without a word he exited the apartment and began to walk back to NERV. He imagined the feel of her warm flesh in his hands and the cold distance of her stare. And suddenly he understood how someone could spend hours upon hours staring up at a ceiling when they had the freedom to do anything they wanted with their life. The warmth of her body was a lie.

"She's dead," said Shinji quietly. "She's already dead."

* * *

><p>The angel alarm sounded at 3:45 PM. Shinji was at the cages and ready to deploy in less than fifteen minutes. As usual he was a bundle of nerves. He didn't like the feel of the plugsuits, always clinging to him so tightly. He wiggled around in the entry plug, trying to find a comfortable position. Ritsuko quickly went through Unit 01's operational status checklist. He mumbled off affirmatives without really thinking about it.<p>

"Are you ready to deploy, Shinji?" asked Misato. She was all business now. There was no time to hate him during operations.

"I'm ready," he said.

He endured the overwhelming G-force of the launch, and focused on the mission. They were launching him in firing range of the target. The pictures from surveillance cameras showed that the enemy was a large diamond prism with no easily detectable energy core. Scans had revealed almost nothing about the enemy, so they would handle this cautiously. His orders were to take immediate cover after reaching the surface and await further instructions.

The lift reached its destination faster than Shinji would have liked. He was on the surface for less than a second before his vision flooded with light and every nerve in his body erupted with pain. His ears were filled with the sound of his own unearthly screams.

* * *

><p>Shinji woke up staring at the ceiling of NERV's hospital wing. The curtains were drawn around the window, but he could tell it was nighttime by the intensity of the darkness surrounding him. He closed his eyes briefly and tried to think of how he'd gotten there. The brief image of the floating diamond surfaced in his mind followed by the unbearably hot light. His eyes opened rapidly and he became acutely aware of the dull ache all over his body. He could feel every tiny movement chaff against his reddened skin.<p>

"You're awake," said Rei. He looked over to see her sitting on a chair beside his bed. It looked like she had been reading over several sheets of paper earlier, but now he had her full attention.

"What time is it?"

"Oh-three-hundred," said Rei. "You have been asleep for just under a day and a half."

Shinji tried and failed to understand the significance of the time he'd missed. From what he'd been lead to understand about the angels, any contact with the geofront would result in a Third Impact. The angel had had more than a full day to reach its goal untouched, yet they were still here. Still alive.

Rei answered his unspoken question. "The angel is drilling down into the geofront as we speak. We estimate it will take another eight hours before it has completely penetrated all our barriers."

Shinji understood the implications. The angel was too powerful to approach directly or they would have launched Unit-00 to intercept it. Finally the angels had deployed an unbeatable tactic against them: overwhelming force. Humanity had lost before the battle even began.

Rei disturbed his thoughts by throwing a manila folder onto his bed.

"The mission parameters are outlined here. We deploy in three hours."

Shinji's mind tripped over the words.

"They want me to go back out there? After what that thing did to me?"

"Yes," said Rei. Her face held no emotion. Shinji's mind flashed back to a few days before when his hand was in her skirt. He turned away from her.

"It's never enough is it?" he asked. "It doesn't matter if I hurt or bleed. It won't be enough until I'm dead, will it?"

Rei was silent for a moment. But when she spoke again she surprised him.

"You won't die." There was something in her voice that made Shinji turn back to her. He had never seen Rei's face so animated before. "I will protect you."

He studied Rei carefully because he did not believe her. That she would be so emotional on his account was unthinkable. He stared at her in silence, with anger on his face. Waiting for her to back down from her statement and prove him right. But she did not back down. She spoke with even greater insistence.

"Don't pilot," she said rising from her seat. "If you are afraid, I will take care of this myself."

She left Shinji alone with his rapidly shifting thoughts.

* * *

><p>Three hours later Shinji was sitting in the entry plug Unit-01. When he thought about it (and he thought about it long and hard) he was just as likely to suffer and die outside of the Evangelion as inside one. Because despite Rei's statements there was almost zero probability that she could defeat the Angel without his help. A part of him couldn't help but think that she had only said such things because she knew she would never have to back them up. But the words bothered him all the same.<p>

In one way, Rei's words were certainly true. She would have to protect him to some degree if the desperate mission plan had any chance of ending in success. The angel's defensive and offensive capabilities were near perfect. The angel obliterated any moving target within a twenty kilometer radius. Its detection of threats was perfect as was its aim. If a weapon was fired at the angel from beyond twenty kilometers, the source of the attack would be pinpointed and destroyed just as surely as if it had been within the angel's threat zone. Initially the NERV strategists had thought to overwhelm the angel with multiple simultaneous strikes, but even this tactic was rendered useless by its AT field, which was estimated to be ten times stronger than the strongest field an Evangelion had ever produced.

Since no conventional weapon could harm it and there was no possible way to get close enough to neutralize the AT Field, their plan to defeat it was something wholly unconventional. Parts had been gathered from all over japan to assemble both the world's most energy resistant shield, and most penetrating sniper rifle. Though to call either a shield or gun was an understatement. The shield was assembled from layer after layer of the surface material used to help spacecraft re-enter the atmosphere. In the urgency to assemble it, some of the material had been stripped from ships that were already constructed. Shinji understood less about the positron rifle they were using, but he did understand the significance of the fact that all the electricity of Japan was being redirected in order to power the gun. Their tools held none of the elegance and cohesiveness of the massive angel assaulting them, but it was the best that mankind could do. It would be good enough, because it had to be.

Unit-01 and Unit-00 waited on the hillside just outside the Angel's attack range holding their weapon and shield respectively. Shinji was assigned the role of the sniper since his higher synchronization rate made him less likely to miss the shot. His Eva was lying prostrate on the ground so that he could use its elbows to stabilize the gun. Rei stood in front of him and slightly to side. She held her shield in front of her, ready to intercept an attack at any moment. The giant robots seemed frozen in their positions, tensely awaiting the order to action.

"Are you scared?" asked Shinji, after opening a voice-only communications link to Rei. He could feel himself perspiring into the LCL. His hands shook slightly as he kept the positron rifle trained on the angel.

"I am not," said Rei impossibly. And Shinji was reminded of the fact that she couldn't be scared. She was an empty person. He disconnected the link and concentrated on his breathing. In and out slowly, moving as little as possible. But never dead and unmoving.

"Calculating optimal trajectory for positron beam," said Ritsuko over the radio.

A red placement marker lit up on Shinji's optical display. He aligned the muzzle of the rifle with it and the marker turned green.

"Ready," said Shinji.

Ritsuko's voice was replaced by Misato. "We're powering the rifle as we speak. Be prepared to fire on my mark."

Shinji felt, more than heard, a whining hum as raw power leapt into the weapon in his hands. Twenty kilometers away the angel prepared to release its own destructive beam.

"Now," yelled Misato. Shinji pulled the trigger and watched in horror as the enemy's attack intertwined with and reflected their own. However its shot was right on target. It continued toward them faster than he could blink and he instinctively flinched away from the coming pain. A moment later he opened his eyes, utterly surprised to be still alive. Rei was standing in front of him, her shield grinding away under the enemies attack. He heard a flurry of words coming through the comm link. The rifle would be repowered in thirty seconds. Rei's shield would last for less than twenty-five.

Despite himself Shinji felt the need to speak. "Rei lets retreat. The shield won't hold out. We can regroup and take the shot from another position."

Misato was surprisingly silent about this, giving neither of them orders to obey or disobey this line of action.

"No," said Rei. "If I move the angel might target you."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "If you don't move, you'll die."

"Then I'll die," said Rei. The shield disintegrated in front of her. For a moment Unit-00's AT field held and then her last line of defense was penetrated. The Eva's armor melted away as Rei let out a high pitched scream.

"Shinji," yelled Misato. "Fire!"

Shinji stuck the rifle between Unit-00's legs. He lined up mankind's last desperate shot and fired.

* * *

><p>Shinji wasted no time celebrating the victory or even acknowledging it. As soon as he saw the angel sinking from the sky, he reached for the back of Unit-00 and manually extracted the entry plug. Taking it into his hands, he brought it to the ground with care. He ejected his own entry plug and scrambled out of it quickly. The handle to Rei's entry plug was scalding hot, but Shinji did not care. His plug suit gave him little protection from the heat as he threw all his weight into opening the jammed door.<p>

Most of the LCL had leaked from the plug but there was still some pooling at Rei's feet. Shinji sloshed into the liquid without thought desperately calling out to the girl siting in its center.

"Rei," he cried, tears streaming down his face. "Rei are you awake?"

To his surprise her opened slowly. She looked like she'd been through hell, but she was alive.

"You…" said Shinji stopping briefly to collect himself. "You would die for me?"

It was as much a question as it was a statement. For even though he had seen proof of this with his very eyes he couldn't believe it was true.

"Yes," said Rei quietly.

Shinji stifled a sob. He finally understood why she let him stroke her thighs without complaint. He understood what type of person would give her all to piloting and stare at ceilings for hours in her freetime. She was a girl who would follow someone around, simply because they said they liked to look at her. Rei Ayanami had nothing, yet she would give anything and everything.

Shinji stepped forward, shaking with emotion. He stood directly in front of her observing her with wonder and relief. He gently placed his hands around her neck.

"You would die for me?" he asked again. He was finally able to meet her eyes without needing or wanting to look away.

"Yes," said Rei. She was smiling.

Shinji loved her in that moment as he'd never loved another human being.

"Thank You."

* * *

><p>The recovery team found him crying softly over Rei's body. He extracted himself from her body at the sound of intruders in the entry plug.<p>

"You can't lock me up," said Shinji forcing the words through his tears. "I won't pilot if you do. You can't lock me up."

Someone saw the dark purple splotches on her neck and whispered the words, "My God."

It took several moments for someone to gain composure enough to call section 2.

* * *

><p><em>When faced with an enemy that you cannot destroy, coercion is your only option. You must convince your enemy that it is not in their best interest to oppose your goals. Overwhelming force is the greatest tool of negotiation, but it is not the only one. It is often more practical to gain leverage over your enemy by seizing their most valuable assets. The mere promise of reward, or threat of sabotage can turn them toward your way of thinking. For an enemy deprived of reason to oppose you, is an enemy no longer.<em>

_-The Art of Engagement by Naomi Yamanaka_

* * *

><p>"Father! There's no one else! You need me!"<p>

He'd been yelling in the dark for hours. Repeating the same things desperately. He couldn't understand why they didn't realize the truth of his words. They had to know he wasn't bluffing. If they left him locked up in his room, he would not pilot when the next angel came. Rei had offered herself as a sacrifice for his freedom. He would not waste it.

"You know you need me!" he yelled. "Do you think I'll crack? Do you think I'd be so happy to go outside that I'd do anything when you call for me? I'll let you die Father! All of you can die if you don't let me out of here! I won't even care!"

He listened to the words echo off the walls of the small room, not flinching back from them at all. He waited for a moment hoping for a response over the intercom. Instead was left muttering quietly to himself.

"You need me. You know you do."

As the silence drug on, Shinji cursed the stubbornness of NERV. They were willing to throw everyone's lives away in order to confine him. Abandon the world for a micron of control. He almost began to scream again when the door to the room opened.

Shinji rushed toward the opening, but stopped short when he saw the gun.

"Sit down," said Naomi softly. It was a command, but there was an edge of pleading to it as well. He instantly saw the gun as bluff. But he remembered the slaps she'd delivered to his face and decided to follow her directions. The fact that she was here meant that they were willing to negotiate. He held all the cards. He had already won.

Naomi stood in the doorway studying his face. He must not have seemed too threatening as she walked over to his bed and took a seat a foot away. She lowered her gun to her side, but did not let it go.

"I came to apologize," she said. Shinji could only stare at her in confusion. "I taught you to fight but not what's worth fighting for. I taught you to value yourself above everyone else. Even your closest friend."

Shinji shook his head. "She died for me. She wanted to."

Naomi assessed him quietly. "I believe you," she said with a nod. "What concerns me is that you would ask that of her. That you would knowingly put the whole of human existence at jeopardy for your own sake."

"Why should I care about anyone else? Rei didn't care about her own life. Everyone else used me and ignored me."

"Yes," said Naomi. "We used you. But we used you to save you. As long as you were saving humanity, you were also safe. You understand that when it comes to saving humanity, the happiness of any single person is secondary."

Shinji shook his head. "None of that matters now. Right now I'm the only pilot you have. And I won't pilot if I have to live here."

"You can't leave, Shinji."

"You're in no position to keep me here," he said. He wasn't gloating. It was fact. "You need me."

Naomi pointed the gun at his head. Shinji instinctively flinched away.

"No we don't."

"You won't shoot me," said Shinji, uncertainty creeping into his voice.

Naomi looked sad as she spoke. "You don't have all the facts. If you did, you would have known that there was nothing you could do to derail our plans."

"I'm the only pilot you have." Shinji mentally measured the distance between the bed and the door.

"Rei Ayanami is not dead."

He looked at her as if she were crazy. "Yes she is."

"Believe what you want," said Naomi. "It doesn't matter. The second child is coming here from Germany next week."

Shinji looked as if he'd been struck. He hadn't known there was a second child. But he hadn't bothered to ask. He knew Rei was the first and he was the third. It was a ridiculous oversight. His mind desperately tried to work around it.

"Okay," said Shinji. "Okay. Even if Rei is… even if she is… you still need me. It took both of us to kill the last angel. Who says the next battle won't require all three of us?"

"I'm sorry," said Naomi. Tears were streaming from her eyes. "You proved you're willing to do anything for your own sake. And you're now privy to top secret information that cannot be trusted in your hands."

Shinji edged slowly forward. Naomi could see him doing this and she had to know what his intentions were, but he didn't care.

"If Father wanted me dead, he could have come himself," he said bitterly. He tried to make it sound natural. Ignoring the rapid beating of his heart.

"I requested to do this," Naomi confessed. "I owe you this much."

Shinji edged closer.

"He wanted me to give you a message: he says that he's proud."

Shinji felt tears falling down his cheek as he slowly edged closer to Naomi. He was almost within arm's reach of the gun. So close to freedom he could taste it.

"It's okay," said Naomi. "It was never your fault."

A single gunshot sounded through the halls of NERV.

**BAD END!**

* * *

><p><span>Omake<span>

Gendo stood in the doorway addressing his son.

"Your mother wanted more for you than mere survival. She wanted you to have to world. It was a selfish and ambitious goal, but as you know, selfish ambition is the mark of all us Ikaris. She would have been sad to see how things ended for you, but she would have been proud. Proud as I am proud."

"You reached out with your hands for all that you could grasp. Willing to stand against any enemy. Able to sacrifice anything. But through no fault of your own the enemy you stood against was far too strong. Yet you still fought on."

Gendo threw the gun in his hand into the hallway behind him.

"Those of the Ikari blood fight to the last. We anchor ourselves to this life and never willingly let go. If you are any son of mine, you will die as you've lived."

The man slowly took off his sunglasses and placed them in the pocket of his jacket. He then removed the jacket and threw it on the floor.

"Come at me BRO!" said Gendo.

Shinji rose from the bed and charged with a scream, "I'm comin' at you bro!"

The battle that followed would go down in history as being extremely badass, yo.

**AN:** Well you guys voted yourself into a bad end. Although I will take some blame for it as I did kind of goad you all into it a little bit. I think I'm going to take a break from writing this story and focus some more on my original works. But I may come back in the future and start with one of the earlier un-chosen choices so that we could see what life would be like on the other side of the fence. In the meantime, you guys can still look forward to the continuation of The Mustachioed Cat and Midnight Cereal's branches whenever they come out. I know I'll be reading them with interest.

Hope you enjoyed this.

PS – I really hope someone got the 80's rock music reference in the first scene.


	11. 6A

**Chapter: **6A - Shinji leaves the apartment and heads to the lake at top speed.

**Choice Path: **Start - 1B - 3B - 6A

**Author:**The Mustachioed Cat

The Third Child outpaced Misato to the stairwell. She had been coiled and ready, body oriented to kick up and over and through the front door, and Shinji Ikari had still managed hit the stairs a full four seconds ahead of her. Which was pretty nearly impossible... but not unexpected.

Ritsuko had called it 'substrative genetic substitution.' It was what happened when LCL soaked into open injuries at a particular stage in the healing process. Meant, basically, the difference between Eva and human DNA was stapled onto the kid, here and there. He had gone into Unit One's entry plug all busted up and come out with patches of brown-gray flesh and a new red eye. And also, apparently, the stamina and agility of one of those African jungle cats they were always trying to breed up in Kyoto. A snow leopard.

Misato hit the stairs and vaulted the rail, falling a good eight feet to the flight adjacent. Landing was a wave of physical protest. Just socks rolling off bare concrete, tits operating in free-fall and full-stop, and nothing to gasp but stale, bitter air. But she was in front of the kid now.

Getting him out of the lab had taken a while. Getting him out of the Geo-Front had taken even longer. There had been finagling. Promise-making. Responsibility-assuming. She had managed to convince a number of people, a few of whom totally should have known better, that Misato Katsuragi was, in addition to being the effective head of Tactical Division, also a responsible adult.

He wasn't looking at her. Didn't seem to be looking at anything. Taking the steps two at a time, one hand floating down the top of the stair rail, the other jogging a short beat through the air. A salaryman trying to catch a train.

"Shin... ji," Misato panted. "Shinji, I need you to stooOOARRH!"

Like hitting a wall. A moving wall that was all shins and elbows. Misato hooked an arm around his neck and held on as best she could, feet kicking out behind him, trying to keep her balance.

Losing the kid in the Outer Ward should have destroyed her career. The state he had been recovered in should have earned her all kinds of retribution from the Commander. And this business with Unit One 'fixing' him - that could have been laid on Misato as well. Quite possibly, the consequences for all that were still ahead of her. Maybe Section Two would arrest her once this operation was over. Maybe there was a cell in the deep dark bottom of Central Dogma being prepped right now. Maybe dragging Shinji out of the land of mutism would make her disposable.

Either way, Misato thought, kicking up and wrapping her feet around the kid's middle. Either way.

Legs and arms squeezed waist and throat, with just enough slack to cant her body a few degrees, trying screw the kid's center of gravity up. That slowed him down, but only a little. The salaryman had missed that train, gone to bar to have a few cups of watery sake, and now moved with a curving drunken purpose. But it wasn't enough. Why wasn't he going down?! Misato had his neck in the crook of her arm. He shouldn't be able to breathe!

The kid made it to the next landing. Misato loosened one leg and kicked the rail as they were turning at the bottom of the stairs, which sent him into a stumbling twist that smacked his passenger against the wall, hard enough that her grip loosened...

And suddenly Misato was on the floor with a scrap of the kid's shirt in one hand, head ringing like a fucking bell. The kid was across the landing and then gone.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

inSANITY MODE ACTIVE!

Outlasting his pursuer slowed Shinji down not in the least. He continued down the stairwell and out of the building, heading down undeveloped hillside and then across residential road.

He could hear _them_. Could see the silver-shimmer in the distance. It sped up his pace. Made him hard. And then the buildings fell away and he was moving across grass, moving faster than he had when fleeing the _monster_. Faster than he had ever run before. Feet eating up green distance to that flat water, and the reeds, and the things in the reeds. The things he needed. The right shape.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Misato rested on the landing for a good minute, trying to chart the kid's progress in her mind. It was... tricky - staying focused. Feet and hands were scraped up the stair landing, but not raw. Her tits hurt about as much as her head, though. Free-fall and full-stop. The damn kid had probably given her stretch marks.

She waited until he was probably out of the building. No hurry. He was probably heading down to the Ashino lake. If he didn't, if he headed east or north, up the hill, she was over. That was it.

Shaking badly, and experiencing a slight case of stair-related PTSD, Misato headed off the landing and down the hallway, jabbing the elevator call button and leaning against the cool metal of the recessed frame.

Stupid. Stupid stupid fucking dumb fucking fuck worthless screw-up almost sent yourself to the hospital for fuckwhat

The elevator arrived and Mrs. Keitsuwu was inside. Of course. Woman was mid-50s, had probably weathered Second Impact in one of the green wards. Married to Colonel Keitsuwu, Maintenance Division. Okay guy, ex-military, seemed slightly autistic. Mrs. Keitsuwu took a brief, encompassing look at Misato - shaking, still breathing heavily, night clothes twisted around her body, one foot drawn up in a limp - smiled briefly, and then spent three floors doing her best to ignore the Captain. Perhaps Misato could take lessons from her. A little less empathy and she wouldn't be in this situation.

Back at the apartment, Misato retrieved her phone from the futon in the hallway and called Section Two's exchange. A professional voice came on and informed her of the Third Child's whereabouts, and a good deal of stress went out of her. The lake. He had gone to the lake.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

inSANITY MODE EXHAUSTED!

"Shinji!"

New: the name, and the exclamation point. It had been a while since anyone had used just his first name. No one had ever bothered to be emphatic about it.

"SHINJI!"

Louder now, but at the same time... intimate? Familiar, and therefore unusual. The name and this hot brightness. Had teacher left the stove on? Was the house burning down?

Water splashed (splattered) against him. Because, right. He existed. He could be touched. Shinji Ikari blinked away the blur. Something in his eyes. Slickslime. He tried to rub it away.

He was standing knee-deep in water, in the middle of what looked like a ruin. Big blurred tombstone buildings stretching up. Bones of _monsters_. Something was splashing toward him. Something that could talk.

"Um... good morning?" he croaked, offering the source of the sound a wave that was more of a twitch. Only seemed polite, to greet a person that had already said his name twice.

Ruins. Was he in Old Mito? Had he done something wrong? What...

His vision cleared well enough for him to see what was coming at him through the water. Girl in a bathing suit. Conservative, but two pieces. Flesh seemed to seep light. Who came to Mito to sunbathe?

"Put that down," the girl said in a woman's voice.

He shifted toward her. A mistake. The ground shifted unexpectedly, sent him down, and on the way Shinji remembered that he could not swim, and that the only lakes in Old Mito were yellowing chemical sumps that looked like they belonged on Precambrian Earth, or the surface of Mercury.

And then he was splashing around, trying to find a stationary spot among the slick stones lining the lake bed, and the woman was yelling at him to "calm down" and "if you get my hair wet" and "son of a godfuckingdammit!" Eventually he managed to wedge his feet against two sturdy but slick rocks and raise himself up.

Wiping the scum from his eyes, Shinji tried to get his bearings.

He was not in Old Mito. The buildings rising up around the lake, which he had mistook for ruins, were modern and unweathered and there were too many of them. And the sky was blue, not the nasty purple-orange that the chemicals sumps somehow caused.

The woman, several feet away, cursing and wringing out her hair... he knew her. Katsuragi. Right. That picture. And she had been there when they had pulled him out of the hole. And...

"Is this Tokyo 3?" he asked, tentatively. "Is my father here?"

"Of course, of course he is," the woman replied, flipping a wet braid over one shoulder. "Now I need you to _put that down and come with me._"

"I d-don't know how to s-swim," Shinji said. "I can't. How did I get out here? There was... I was on a train, and then..."

"I can get you back to shore, Shinji" Katsuragi was saying. "But I need you to drop that, first. You have to leave it, and everything to do with it, here in the water. Okay?"

Shinji proffered his hands again, to show her they were empty. Only one of them wasn't. In his right hand was a bloody column of grayish bone. His hand was fastened so tightly around the gristly item that he had to use his free hand to disengage the fingers and let the bone - the _spine_- splash into the water... water, he noticed, that was tinted red...

He did not scream, but an acid heat bloomed in his gut - like his heart had exploded and the bits had drained into his stomach. Because, see: there were bodies in the water. All around him, floating on the surface. How had he not seen them before? Bobbing torsos. Half-sunken severed wings. Tufts of down. A simmering beneath the water as fish nipped at the carcasses, jerking decapitated limbs about in a parody of life.

And the babies. The... yeah, the _goslings_. They were orbiting him in a rough circle six feet across, honking quietly as they navigated the ruined remains of their parents.

Nnnghr.

Don't throw up.

"...what...?" he finally managed. And that was all he said, the only word he could give form to. He repeated it constantly as Katsuragi got behind him and walked him back to the shore.

Men in black all along the lake's edge. Company men. Dad's company. What was it called? The men chased the goslings away, gave him and Katsuragi towels, and then loaded them into the back of a van. There was another woman there. Another person from the dream-haze, though Shinji would have figured the blonde hair an embellishment of his imagination.

"Are you quite done?" the blonde woman asked, glaring between Shinji and Katsuragi.

"I... yes?" he tried. "I'm, I'm sorry. This is Tokyo 3, right?"

"Do you know who I am?" Katsuragi put in.

"Katsuragi," Shinji repeated the name. "You work for... my father. He's... everyone's boss."

"And where does your father work?" the blonde woman asked, her inflection betraying... amusement?

"Nerve," Shinji said, which was to say: shinkei.

"No," the woman corrected, and then said a foreign word.

"Nerufu?" Shinji tried.

"And what does nerufu do?" the woman continued.

"I... reconstruction?" he guessed. There had been big construction equipment all around when they had pulled him out of that... hole. "What do you call it... urban reclamation?"

The blonde snorted, looked down at something in her hands, some kind of thin computer.

And then she said another foreign word.

"What?" Shinji asked.

"What?" the blonde replied, not looking up. "What did I just say?"

A long word. Or maybe a phrase. Maybe just foreign-sounding. Maybe she was clipping the phonemes. Had a speech impediment, or something. "E-ba-n-ge-ri-o-n-u?" Shinji tried. "Like. The seafood dish?"

The blonde woman sighed. Turned her glare to Katsuragi.

"Are you _quite_happy, Captain?" she asked.

"I just ran a division-wide operation in an urban area and everything went to spec," Katsuragi - who was apparently a Captain - like, the military? - replied. "And the kid is responsive. So yeah, I'd say its a pretty good day so far. Hair's a little wet."

The blonde returned to her slim computer. Katsuragi wore a thin, faltering smile. Shinji was too confused to say anything. So he didn't.

The van doors opened eventually. The outside had changed. The lake had been replaced with an athletic field, and the crowd of men in black had been replaced with middle-school students being dragged through a P.E. class.

The blonde got out of the van and vanished around the side without another word.

"Um," Shinji leaned out of the back, noticing the kids on the athletic field noticing him. "What should I be..."

Katsuragi was escorting him out of the van and onto the field before he could fully register what was going on.

"Come on," she urged. "You've been on break for long enough, Shinji. Time for you to meet your new classmates."

"Buh..." Shinji was looking down at himself. He had been dried off, but he was still covered in lake and red... stuff. Wait. Break?

"Yeah, this is way better than you sitting around the apartment getting bossed around by a penguin, isn't it?" the crazy woman continued, leading Shinji around the edge of the track.

"Penguin?" Wait. Why is there a penguin in... "What apartment?!"

"You'll be living with me while you're in Tokyo 3," Katsuragi replied.

The kids were still looking at him. Starting to drift toward Shinji and his escort. Girls. He wanted to curl into a ball and disappear. Being dragged along by an adult. Being covered in filth. Why was this happening? Where was Father?

inSANITY METER! 0%... 15%...

Shinji started to ask the Captain, but stopped. If he asked about Father, the woman might actually produce him. They worked together, right? And hadn't...

Shinji stopped.

Hadn't this woman been part of his father's trick? Luring him down to Tokyo-3 by train, then stranding him in the middle of a... something military. Shattering buildings. Fire and darkness and... ngggh.

inSANITY METER! 15%...35%...

"Come on, Shin," the woman had noticed him stopping, was coming back toward him. Entirely too familiar. Too close. Much too much too much...

He stepped away from her, hands up. "Ngggh," he had to force the word out: "No. I'm not going anywhere with you." The picture. Sending him a picture. Luring him to the **cold** and the **dark**. Nnnnaarrgh.

inSANITY METER! 35%...40%...

The athletic field was ringed with chain-link eight feet high. If he could get past Katsuragi and make for the break in the fence where it ran into the hill, or he could turn around and head back toward the van. But those company men would probably be there. Maybe if he just headed across the field and up to the school...

"Please don't run, Shinji," the woman was saying. Something in her voice made him focused on her again. She wasn't trying to close the distance between them. Wasn't even tensed. And her voice: wet and brittle. Tired. It sounded honest, and that in itself was... wrong. There was something... disproportionate here. How could she be so... _invested_in his response?

She had pulled him out of the hole... taken him to a place, a series of vehicles connected together like a transforming robot. And the blonde had been there, and Father... but what had happened after that?

"H-how long have I been here?" he asked.

"You've been in Tokyo 3 for nearly a month," the woman answered, arms crossing. She wasn't looking at him, now.

inSANITY METER! 40%...50%...

Shinji looked down at his feet. Looked at the students, who were now being herded away by a teacher. Looked up into the sky, a blue sheet with a couple of white burns set in it. And, oh.

Now Katsuragi was standing over him. That was strange. How.

"How?" he asked, grinding the back of his head against the track's rubber grip. "I was at the train station. There was an explosion. And... and then the lake, and now. A month."

"You were... involved," Katsuragi said, offering him her hand. "There was an incident. You were hurt."

"My head?" Memory loss, right? He ran both hands through his scalp, expecting to find some evidence of a wound.

"Sorta," the woman replied, half a grin on her face. She waggled her fingers. "Come on, thinking about it won't help. Getting back to your feet, that's the thing, isn't it?"

inSANITY METER! 50%...40%...

The Captain pulled him up easily, and kept a grip while he worked through a wave of dizziness. When he was settled, mostly by fixating on his hands and assuring himself that the world was, for certain, not going to flash forward another month, Katsuragi continued up the track to what Shinji figured had to be an equipment shed. Or a pump house. Or something. Exactly what it was remained a mystery, because Katsuragi took him behind the building, not into it.

There was a man back there. A company man. The Captain clapped the man on the shoulder as she walked past.

"This guy is going to be giving you a quick bath, 'kay?" Katsuragi said, waving Shinji up against the wall. "Then you can dry off and," she walked around the corner and came back with a plastic bag, "put this on."

Shinji looked from Katsuragi to the company man. The man, suddenly, had a loop of hose in one hand and a spigot in the other. The hose was hooked up to the side of the building, and to the spigot.

inSANITY METER! 40%...45%...

"Be thorough, please," Katsuragi was saying. She had put down the dry cleaning bag and was heading back around the building.

"Oh," she leaned back, "and that means you have to strip down. Sorry. But if you don't get yourself super clean, there's a chance you'll get infected with that brain-eating parasite that grows in lake water."

"...Miss Katsuragi?" he called after her. "Why" didn't you take me to a bath house. Or the showers at school? Why are you doing this to me?

But Shinji didn't get a chance to ask even one of those questions, because something had slid across the cement and come to rest against the side of his foot. It was a bar of soap. He looked up to the company man just in time to catch a bottle of what turned out to be shampoo.

"Hey!" the boy complained, "you could'aaaaaaahhhg!"

The company man had squeezed the spigot.

**Cold cold cold coldcoldcoldcold**...

inSANITY METER! 45%...50%...55%...

Shinji had never had to introduce himself before, and kinda flailed through it. Name, date of birth, blood-type location of the unincorporated village from whence he came. After, he sat down and tried to be invisible and resist the urge to scratch his skin too openly. Felt like lake scum and goose gore had soaked into his skin, teriyaki into eggplant.

inSANITY METER! 60%...

He'd showered thoroughly, the disgust at being so filthy overriding immediate terror at being naked and outside. The company man had said nothing to him, just kept the hose pointed at Shinji until the boy was finished washing the shampoo foam from his hair - that had made it easier. But now, of course, that deferred shame was heaping up on him as well.

inSANITY METER! 65%...70%...

The class passed slowly. People kept looking at him. Shinji tried hiding behind the laptop the school had given him when he had signed in. The teacher was talking about citrus fruits, and how the modern, post-Impact climate had driven most 'natural strains' to effective extinction, and how companies that designed 'modified strains' had squelched efforts to preserve the 'natural strains' because of patents, somehow. And then the 'modified strains' had been found to be 'carcinogenic.' The teacher broke for lunch by concluding that the chain of events he had just described was how the majority of genetics companies that existed pre-Impact were now in a form of corporate indentured servitude to the United Nations, because of a surprisingly literal construction of the 'crimes against nature' statute in the UN charter.

Clearly something significant had been said in all that, but Shinji had no idea what. According to the schedule he had picked up downstairs, the previous hour was supposed to have been a lecture on "Pre-Calculus."

inSANITY METER! 75%...

When class broke, he fled. As he cleared the room, someone shouted after him: 'Ikari,' but he pretended not to hear. The whole situation remained surreal. The city had hot and cold running crazy. Everything here was inexplicable, he had no context. He had lost a month. He lived with a woman he did not know and, for some reason, a penguin. The acid warmth in his stomach had turned ticklish, like butterflies, or maybe ants. If he started giggling, Shinji was not entirely certain he would be able to stop.

inSANITY METER! 85%...

"Ikari."

He looked up, smile fixed in place. He had been hiding beneath the stairs on the basement level. It was quiet here. If anyone saw him and asked, he planned to say he had a migraine. Teacher used to do that, sequester himself in the school basement on break with a bag of ice and a glass of clear liquid that was not water.

The lie died on his lips, though. The person that had spoken to him, the _girl_, had blue hair. She was covered in bandages, and held a plastic shopping bag in her one good hand.

Crazy. Hot, and cold.

"Hi," Shinji managed, aware he had waited too long to respond. "Uh, I have a migraine. I was just trying to, uh, do I know you?"

Something vague. A hint of memory that was, for some reason, more tactile than visual. The blue hair, like a punk, like a Tokyo idol. But not the metallic, shimmering blue of a wig. Some kind of subtle dye, maybe after bleach. Her hair was lighter than the sky, but just and only.

"We were in proximity at Dr. Akagi's lab," the girl replied. "May I sit."

Shinji gestured. Why not. Who was Akagi?

The girl produced two bento from the plastic bag, and wordlessly handed one over to Shinji.

"Um," he said, weighing the plastic container. "Thanks?"

"Captain Katsuragi instructed me to provide you with food," the girl replied, opening her own meal. "This is from the store. It is adequate."

Shinji opened the bento. It was a small vegetable meal, prepared with too much brine. He picked at it while the blue-haired girl ate.

"Your parents work at nerufu too?" he finally asked.

"My guardian," the girl responded.

Shinji stared down at his bento. Began to speak, then stopped. He wanted to ask a question, but couldn't decide on which to ask first. Normally he was afraid of other people, girls especially, but this place, this city, it seemed dangerous. Too dangerous to be shy about.

"Do you know," he said the words carefully, "what is going on?"

The girl shrugged.

"Did Katsuragi tell you why I'm here? I mean, did she tell you anything else?"

The girl nodded, and withdrew a mobile phone from her schoolbag and handed it to Shinji. "I was told to give you this."

Shinji turned the phone over in his hands. Clicked through the contacts. Nothing.

"I was also instructed to inform you that Captain Katsuragi will be picking you up from school at 1600 hours," the girl continued. "Do you require medical attention?"

Shinji blinked. Right. Migraine. "No," he said, looking away, "no, its fine now."

They sat in silence, eating, until the bell rang. As the girl got up, Shinji stood with her. Nothing important had passed between them, in fact, barely anything at all, but she was his age, and connected to nerufu, and that meant... something.

"I'm Shinji Ikari," he said, offering a school bow. "I guess you knew that already. Um, who are you?"

"I am

(((Rei Ayanami)))  
>Age: 14<br>Injuries: Acceptable  
>Measurements: Unimportant<br>Fun Fact: Unavailable  
>Blood Type: Classified.<p>

the girl replied, and then started up the stairs. Shinji waited until the sound of her footfalls were indistinguishable from those of the students overhead. He was looking down at his bento, thinking: about the gossip he had overheard between classes - giant robots that lived in the hills, or maybe just _among_ the hills; and nerufu; and a person with natural blue hair and - he had noticed it only when they stood - one good **blood red**eye. And mostly, right then, he was thinking about how hungry he wasn't. How unnecessary the food in the bento in his hand seemed. And eventually, he figured out what that meant.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The restrooms were nice. Western. Shinji opted to throw up in the toilet, rather than the sink. The stall felt safe. Enclosed. When he was done he pointedly did not look at what had spilled from him, already certain most of it would be raw meat and pasted down. Those bodies in the lake, he could sort of remember what he had done to them. The feel of spurting blood across the roof of his mouth and flesh ripping beneath resisting feathers. The death sounds of birds. The crunch of hollow bones.

inSANITY METER! 90%...

He flushed the toilet, then bent down and threw up again.

Later, he was at the sink, swishing and spitting. There were a few stray bits of feather stuck between his teeth that had probably been there all day. Nnngh. Filthy creatures. He was probably infected with some strange bird disease now.

Which really didn't matter if he had some other, different defect that made him lose his memory and occasionally go completely _rabid_.

Shinji looked at himself in the mirror, carefully, looking for scars. Something was missing in his understanding - something important had been destroyed, or something unwanted had been gained, and now he was the kind of person that killed and ate geese. The idea that there was raw meat in his stomach had driven him to vomit, but even now he didn't... feel bad. He knew that what he had done was wrong, that you're supposed to respect living things on general principle, but the idea of all those dead birds hanging in the water did not fill him with any sort of shame or disgust. Eating them had clearly been too much, and the violence itself was distasteful - or maybe simply inexplicable, since Shinji was not normally a very physical person - but the idea that a flock of geese had been ended, that that particular flying V would never again cross the sky, that seemed okay...

He leaned in closer to the mirror, focusing on his right eye. It was... bleeding? A sickle of red traced the underside of his blue iris. The missing color seemed to be oozing upward, from the top, a pale blue-green spilling into the white.

Shinji blinked. There was no pain. Gingerly, he pressed a finger to the eye, to examine the extent of the injury. A thin membrane came away with his fingertip, circular and painted a patterned blue. Shinji examined the object with growing panic. Had he just removed something important? Had he just made it worse?!

He looked back to the mirror. The iris was now **blood red**.

inSANITY METER! 95%...

"Shitfuck." It was the most profane thing Shinji could think of, which was, in turn, all he was capable of saying. He leaned in quickly, inspecting the newly-revealed iris, his mouth a twist of whimpers. He examined the other eye, the surface of which did not peel off when he touched it. He examined the object he had removed from his eye. Smelled it. Bit it. It was tough - he felt it crack between his canines, and the painted blue pattern blurred when he rubbed a finger across it.

More time at the mirror, taking in the shape of his eyes, looking for less obvious differences, and finding none. The red eye didn't look like it had been hurt. There was no depression where the surface had been scraped away, or any kind of pain. Hesitantly, Shinji brought the concave membrane up and pressed it against his eye. The blue cover was no longer perfect, but it still -fit- there. It wasn't a part of him, but it was supposed to be there.

He waited until the end of the hour, then went back to class. The teacher didn't notice him come in; the old man was talking about the general re-purposing of industry post-Impact by way of a general freeze to certain types of financing, a rationing of corporate growth, and the creation and socialization of the International Patent Bank. According to Shinji's schedule, all of this in some way related to "Chemistry."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

"Hey."

Shinji looked up. There was a girl standing at his desk. At least, the person was wearing a girl's uniform. 'Her' hair was so short he had to take it on faith that the school did not allow cross-dressing. City people were weird.

Apparently class was over. People were leaving. He had lost another two hours. The laptop's blinking cursor had hypnotized him into a doze.

"Yeah, Ikari," 'she' was saying in a decidedly female voice. "Don't know how they did things in that podunk shithole you came from, but we actually show up to class after lunch."

Female voice, decidedly unfeminine speech. Shinji cocked his head to one side, thinking. Breasts weren't obvious, but she was leaning toward him. Face was angular, the right shape for a girl, but 'her' arms were a little hairy.

"This whole place is insane," he said by way of reply. "Hey, are you really a girl?"

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

inSANITY METER! 100%...100%...100%...

At 4:15 a partially-demolished blue sports car pulled up to the school. Katsuragi got out and made her way over to where Shinji lay, in the shade of a retention wall. He was staring into the sky, one eye at a time. To his normal eye, the sky was still blue, just and only. His red eye, by contrast, was showing him some kind of weird, throbbing rainbow that seemed to hang at various depths in the sky. When he looked down, the effect went away. He was trying to decide if this was some kind of unique property of the eye, or damage that was only visible under certain situations.

"Hey," Katsuragi said.

The shade was cool, and nice. Made the air smell sweeter. At least Tokyo 3 had shade. At this point, Shinji would not have been at all surprised to find the city's madness to extend to natural constants, replacing all relaxing shadows with pockets of unbearable steam, hot coals, or maybe just a biting, impossible cold. To Katsuragi, he shrugged.

The woman knelt, legs together. "How'd it go?"

Shinji showed her the phone. Pressed the phone's stubby antennae into the flesh below his red eye, where his class representative had hit him. Giggled, and then managed to stop.

Katsuragi got down on her hands and knees now, leaning in close, staring into the red eye. Then she smiled, and stood, and for the second time that day, pulled Shinji to his feet.

"Its going to be fine, okay?" she said, confident. "The first day always sucks."

inSANITY METER! 100%... 99%...

Shinji shrugged a third time, and wordlessly was led into her horrible, horrible car.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

They were going to see a Dr. Akagi, Katsuragi explained. She would want to check up on him and replace the contact lens, if that was alright. Shinji shrugged, and then clarified his position by saying "okay."

inSANITY METER! 99%...98%...

They drove into a machine, which carried them underground. Underground, and high in the air. Something his father had done, Katsuragi explained. Excavation. Amber light pushing into the car, water and amber-green trees far below. He had been taught about these at school, massive shelters dug into the earth by governments across the world in the years following Impact. Proof against luminal comets. A geo-front.

They parked, and she dragged him down a series of moving walkways. A curious symbol recurred in prominent places, and he asked about it. The red half-leaf with the characters N-E-R-V - that was nerufu's logo. Nerufu. Neruvu... Nervu...vuh...vvv... NERV!

inSANITY METER! 98%...90%...

"There you go," the Captain complemented. Shinji blushed. He hadn't realized he had spoken aloud.

"So," he started, and almost couldn't continue. "So, why am I here? I mean. Why did Father

inSANITY METER! 92%...

want me to come here?"

"There's something we need you to do," Katsuragi replied. "Something very special, something that only you can do."

"Pilot, you mean," he remembered. "But don't you have people for that? I mean, specialists? Military?"

"Nope," the woman said. "No one but you can do this, and the thing you'll be piloting, its really quite... _potent_."

"Ebangerionu?" he tried the word out. "No. No, someone told me this before. Back then. Evan...gerionu. GeRuhion. Evangerion."

The woman nodded. "Evangelion."

NERV. Evangelion. Things were becoming a little clearer.

inSANITY METER! 85%...

"You met Rei," Katsuragi was saying. "She's like you. An Evangelion pilot."

"And an Evangeri..luh...li...lion is what?"

"You don't remember?"

"...no, I guess not."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The kid was encased in impact gel and dosed to the gills on anesthetic. The drugs had quickly dragged him under, way past REM-state, where he remained as the automated medical system took skin, blood, and marrow samples in a process that physically hurt Misato to watch.

"How many times are we going to have to do this?" she asked Ritsuko.

"This is a bad idea," the other woman said by way of reply. "Him being a pilot. There are five points on the Third Child's body that are more Eva than human. If someone acquired a single cell from any of those areas, they'd have access to something uncomfortably close to the entire Unit One genome. Letting him off-base is a huge risk."

"He's a kid," Misato replied. "He needs to be around other kids. Section 2 has that school buttoned up, and if someone wanted your precious data there are facilities less-secure than this one. Wasn't Berlin compromised a week ago?"

"That was a cyber-attack," Ritsuko corrected. "Current science can't fully sequence Eva DNA. The production process is... analog. A hacker could maybe steal something to do with building an Eva from DNA, but without an actual sample? Useless."

"And if they did get a cell from Shinji," Misato came back. "...or Russia, or Germany, or America, or... we're building a production facility in Australia too, right? If someone got a cell, I suppose they'll also have a two-hundred-trillion yen production facility and enough secrecy to build an Eva without alerting us or the UN? And what are they going to put on this incredible secret Evangelion, aluminum foil? Don't those armor plates cost like..."

"It would reflect poorly on NERV," Ritsuko interrupted, detached. "And development decreases the cost of production. Unit Zero took six years to build. Unit One took six months. Unit Two all but leapt from Gregor Langley's forehead, fully-grown. And now Matsushiro is working on a mass-production genome variation that can grow an Eva to term in a month..." she paused. "An Eva that can also grow its own armor, and weaponry."

The doctor waited. When it was apparent Misato had no quick reply, she finished: "With the right information, a single cell can be replicated a near-unlimited number of times - into a forty-foot tall weapon of mass destruction."

For a time, the observation booth was blessedly quiet.

"What happened to his eye?" the doctor asked.

"You'd know better than me, Ritsu."

"I mean the bruise, where did the bruise come from?"

Misato leaned against the observation port. The skin around the kid's red eye was going purple. "Huh," she said. "No idea."

"The tissue trauma makes for good readings," the doctor said. "Look, see this?" she gestured at the monitor. "This line is the metabolic function localized around that injury. Its human-normal for a subcutaneous injury. Nanometer says the DNA is all his, too. Means the foreign tissue in the eye and optic nerve hasn't gone opportunistic."

"But this stuff is affecting him, right?"

"Certainly," Akagi said. "Section Two clocked him topping 65 kilometers an hour this morning, and according to your report, he was able to haul 70 kilos of dead weight without slowing down."

"When did... HEY!" Misato kicked the other woman's chair into a spin.

Ritsuko let the chair settle to a stop. "His aggressive actions, however, don't track with this... augmentation. Like I said, from what we can tell, his brain isn't contaminated at all. And we already know this behavior pre-dates him getting into Unit One. It appears to be an unrelated psychosis."

"...good. So that, at least, we can fix. Bitch."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Shinji woke up on a gurney. His body was numb, and mostly wrapped in gauze. Wonderful. Sitting upright, he unwrapped one arm, to reveal a series on circular bandages the size of a hundred-yen coin, secured with spirals of medical tape.

"Don't move," Dr. Akagi said, coming up behind him. "You're up too early. Hold still." Something was pressed against his neck, and there was a slight pinching sensation. The numbness intensified - he could no longer feel the gurney beneath him. The doctor was saying something to Katsuragi. Something something... purification. Unforeseen effect.

inSANITY METER! ...NULL-NULL-NULL-NULL-NULL...

Am I better now? Shinji tried to give form to the idiot question, but all his mouth did was hang open and drool. Gross. He tried to wipe it off, which sent a tingle of sensation through his arm. He was screwed up. Comfortable, in a mental haze. They put him in a wheelchair.

Eeeevangelion. Katsuragi said the word, and it drifted through Shinji's mind in slow motion. Something foreign. Those el sounds. It was the reason he was here. Something he was going to pilot. Something Rei Ayanami piloted. That meant they would be working together? Rude girl. Quiet. Weird hair...

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Misato leaned forward to make out the kid's muttering, looked back to Akagi with a conspiratorial grin.

"He doesn't realize he's doing that, does he?" she asked.

Ritsuko shrugged. "He's processing a huge amount of dophymethylmin. He should be unconscious - comatose. The foreign-tissue areas must be doing something, passively purifying his blood. I just don't know. We're still vetting medical staff with appropriate clearance to do a full work-up on his physiology. Its lucky the general anesthesia still works at all."

"You realize," Misato said, her grin now tight and angry, "that if you did put him into a coma, we would have no active pilots, right?"

"The timeline for the First Child's activation trial is being accelerated," Ritsuko replied. "And this kid is dangerous, Misato. In all kinds of ways."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Ugly purple metal thing. Statue. Crumpled, elongated, black pits like eyes... eyes? Eyes!

inSANITY METER! ...NULL!NULL!NULL!NULL!...

Shinji was out the chair and ghosting off the platform. Still couldn't feel anything, not the temperature of the room, or the pressure of his bare feet on metal. He was off-balance though, spilled to one side, nearly slid off the platform. Dr. Akagi was laughing.

Flat head. Like a fish, a fish that lived at the bottom of the ocean. Purple metal flat fish with black eyes and a mouth and a horn and. And Katsuragi was coming at him, not freaking out, and Dr. Akagi was still laughing, so. So maybe he could just calm down. Just. Just. Just calm down.

It must be a statue. Yeah. Something not alive.

"Yeah," Katsuragi agreed. "Its a machine, see? And its turned off. It won't move. It can't hurt you." And then she said: "Akagi, shut up."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

So the Evangelion was a weapon. A huge machine on two legs. Father

inSANITY METER! ...NULL!...NULL!

had built it.

Evangelion could move like a person, and use weapons. This was explained to Shinji as he shuffled up and down the catwalk, his gaze never never never leaving the creature's face.

This is Unit One, hello. Purple and black and green. Colors didn't seem that military, or maybe he just didn't know military? It had teeth, and a horn, and was powered by a cable. And Shinji should know all this stuff already, without being told because, it was explained to him, he had already piloted it before. Right after they had pulled him out of the ground. They had sent him against an enemy, and he had obliterated it so completely that only carbon fragments of that enemy's core remained. So he knew all this already. He could pilot it. He could make it move without being taught. He was, Dr. Akagi said, an idiot. Savant. Something.

So. Great. Father

inSANITY METER! ...NULL!...NULL!

had brought him here to do this. To pilot Evangelion (Eva, they kept referring to it as Eva. Less of a mouthful. No el sounds). And great. And great great great. There was his value, in perfect, simple terms. Not a son, a pilot. A user. A... test-type?

And apparently he was the third. The third pilot. The Third Child. He wasn't even father's go-to. Rei Ayanami had been First. But he wouldn't be working with her. Or rather, they would not be in the same Evangelion. There were other Units. Ayanami had her own. It was orange. Shinji was a better pilot than Ayanami, apparently. Unit One liked him. Liked him enough to fix him up after the hole. Liked him enough to scoop out injury and pour itself into him, giving him five areas of what could well be, Akagi claimed, 'undifferentiated neural matter.' Katsuragi said it had made him as mighty as a snow leopard. This observation caused Dr. Akagi to laugh again. Sad-looking woman, somehow. Easy laugh. Desperate.

The Eva had dropped an eye into his head too. It had about a trillion photoreceptors. But there was no need to worry. Katsuragi promised him that they'd find a way to put him right again. And that was... that was...

inSANITY METER! RESTORED!

He could feel the floor beneath his feet. He could feel the air. He could feel a thousand pinpricks of pain all down the length of his body.

"So," he said the word carefully, and when it was produced without slurring or drool, he finished: "that's a giant robot."

"If you like," Akagi said, at the same time Katsuragi was saying: "Yes."

"You want me to pilot a giant robot."

"Yes," the women said it together.

He could taste the air now. It was bitter, unfamiliar. Probably given off by the bizarre purple fluid most of the Eva was submerged in. "Where is my father?" he asked.

inSANITY METER! MAX%...

"He's... busy," Katsuragi said.

"Yeah," Shinji agreed. "For nine years. Teacher had to schedule our grave visitation a month in advance. I guess he was making this thing, right? That's... _nice_. I think I want to talk to him now."

"You have a condition, Shinji," Katsuragi said, moving toward him. "We aren't sure what the... parameters are, yet, but being close to your father seems to cause it."

"Where is my father, please?" he tried again.

Katsuragi made him sit back down in the wheelchair, and took him away.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

They had him sleep in the barracks, in a tiny room. He recognized the place. Katsuragi made him promise not to leave, but it wasn't like he had a choice in the matter. He had heard the lock engage when she and Dr. Akagi left.

When he unwrapped the gauze and peeled off a few of the coin-sized bandages, there wasn't a mark on him.

This whole place: Crazy. Hot, and **cold**.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

LEVEL COMPLETED!  
>A TRANSFER<p>

(((Shinji Ikari)))  
>Kills: 13 Geese<br>KOs: 1 Misato

Highest Combo: 6x

Gained Enemy! Sakkamota-san  
>Gained Class! 3-B<br>Gained Associate! Rei Ayanami  
>Gained Doctor! Akagi<br>Gained Eva! Unit One

Gained Achievement! _**Heterochromaniac**_  
>Gained Achievement! <em><strong>The Crying Game (13)**_  
>Gained Achievement! <em><strong>Mumblecore<strong>_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  
>(((Misato Katsuragi)))<p>

Gained Achievement! _**Gainax Bounce**_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Time passed. He slept, and then was woken up by a company man, who had brought him a fresh school uniform, and who drove him to the school.

Class happened. Shinji filtered out the noise coming from the front of the room. He tapped into the laptop listlessly. Behind him and to the left, a company man sat. Before class, the man had announced he was conducting a security survey of the school, but Shinji knew he was really there to watch him.

The bell rang. Lunch. People began to shift out of the classroom. On his laptop, Shinji had typed out:  
>"flat fish is not dead<br>it burns hot, and to nothing  
>Evangelion"<p>

Rei Ayanami came up to him, and offered Shinji another black plastic bento. He eventually summoned the focus and impetus to accept it and cram the too-salty meal into his mouth. The class representative, the maybe-boy Keija Sakkamota, came up as lunch was ending and offered an insincere apology for punching him in the eye. To this, Shinji responded that he understood, and commented that Sakkamota's hobby must leave him very emotional. In Shinji's fugue-state, this seemed like an incisive consideration of the other boy's condition. Sakkamota responded by punching Shinji in the other eye. Behind them the company man tensed, but did nothing.

The bell rang again. Ayanami excused herself and returned to her own classroom. Shinji was sorry to see her go. She was a pilot, after all. He wanted to ask her what that was like. Relatedly, he also wanted to ask her how she had been hurt, and if her bandages were just for show too, and why it was that they shared an eye color. Dr. Akagi had given him another contact lens, which was in place, but the blood eye still saw weird things when he closed the blue one. Thin arches of colorless lightning, patches of odd light on the walls and ceiling that seemed like it could correspond with the wiring of the various fixtures. Did Ayanami see this way, too?

Losing the chance to talk with Ayanami roused Shinji somewhat. For example, he was now aware that Sakkamota and several classmates were looking at him in a very unpleasant way. One of the boys, thin, and with long hair, stared fixedly at him and slowly made a fist. The day passed much slower from that point on. Some of the loud droning from the front of the classroom had became understandable:  
>Apparently, the post-Impact climate shift had turned most of the Pacific into an ideal breeding ground for the humpback whale. A surprising resurgence in the whaling industry had followed, and the recission of laws protecting that animal, according to the teacher, best embodying the fundamental shift in human priorities post-Impact. All told, an excellent lecture on "Language Arts."<p>

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Two days passed. At the end of each, Shinji would hurry outside and into a black van filled with company men, who would transport him back to the barracks. Sakkamota and his friends were the wrong shape, he couldn't fight them, he _had_to run away. Dr. Akagi would come by sometime thereafter and take him to 'training,' where he was crammed into a tube and taught to breathe liquid and to center a target in the reticule, then pull the switch.

Until the LCL began to rise around him, Shinji had doubted what Katsuragi and Akagi had said. That he had piloted before. But as he submerged, he had vivid flashbacks of screaming and pounding on the hatch as the liquid soaked into his clothes and mangled eye socket. He had only realized the liquid was like air after being roused from a blackout and finding himself inexplicably alive.

The systems were easy enough to learn. It required some amount of focus, which brought Sakkamota and his gang to mind, but most of the time Shinji did all right. Conversely, moving the Evangelion in the narrow, underground corridor Akagi had provided was all but impossible unless he allowed himself to to _lose_focus a little - to the point where the arms on the monitor were really his arms, and the forward motion of the Eva's legs only what he would have expected of his own.

Two days of that. Father never appeared. Katsuragi came by to observe, but didn't talk to Shinji at length. And she didn't take him back to the apartment.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

On the morning of the third day, the company man had to walk Shinji through Sakkamota's gang, who had gathered at the school entrance. Apparently, they had decided to kill him. No one touched him, but one of them later went after Ayanami, or tried to. At lunch she informed him that her security detail - her own company man - had been compelled to taze someone who had invaded her personal space. The thin boy with long hair that had made a fist at Shinji had received two million volts of electricity at point-oh-three amperage to the back of the neck.

This focused Shinji's attention. It made him downright sane. And that was annoying, but Ayanami was like him. They were both pilots. Presumably, she had been drowned in LCL and made to walk and turn for three straight hours in a cramped space the length of three soccer fields. And by pointing out Sakkamota-kun's weird obsession with dressing like a girl, Shinji had put Ayanami in harm's way. It was beyond his ability to ignore something like that.

So Shinji Ikari came to, after nearly three days of drifting, into a classroom that was palpably hostile and a computer with a screen full of haiku, the final stanza of which was always "E-van-ge-li-on." Ayanami was sitting with him, Shinji knew, because Katsuragi had asked her to sit with him. In his hand was a black plastic bento, its too-salty contents half-consumed.

"Grah," he said. "Okay."

He had dealt with bullies before. Never a bully that liked to wear dresses, but still. Running away was the best strategy, but if they were going to bring Ayanami into it, confrontation was the only answer. Of course, to Shinji 'confrontation' merely meant 'getting beaten up in a location and time of my own choosing.'

Elementary school had not been fun. At all.

So he stood and wandered the halls until he found Sakkamota-kun and a small harem of girls eating in the entryway. When the group spotted him, they crowded in close, several arming themselves with tennis shoes.

"Sorry," Shinji said.

"You're an asshole," Sakkamota replied. "You're a piece of garbage."

Shinji considered this carefully, and said: "Yes."

Sakkamota pushed him. Told the girls to go away. Pushed him. Pushed him. Told the girls that he was serious, go away, I can handle this wimp. He pushed Shinji into a room recessed from the entryway that looked like a guard's station, or coat check.

"I'm a girl," Sakkamota alleged, pulling at his shirt. Pulling it open. Pulling the plain white bra up.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  
>(((Keija Sakkamota)))<br>Class: 3-B  
>Rank: Student Representative<br>Gender: Completely and Utterly Unambiguous  
>Cup size: <em>At least<em>a C

Shinji's breath caught. The world froze. She was girl. Of course she was a girl. How could he have possibly thought otherwise?

And then she punched him three times, twice in the stomach and once in the jaw. No company man materialized. No taser sent Sakkamota-_san_flying forward into a heap of burnt hair and soft, exposed breasts. She pulled her bra down, buttoned up her shirt, kicked Shinji without much force, and left. Shinji's company man, his alleged security detail, shifted to one side to let the girl pass.

Shinji decided that was just about fair.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Two more days passed. The Eva instruction continued, and progressed into the use of knives. The classroom was no longer openly hostile. Ayanami was not accosted again. The thin boy with long hair now had short hair - the tazer had singed him badly. Sakkamota ignored Shinji, and he mostly did likewise. He had seen her chest. She owed him nothing.

Horrible haiku kept appearing on Shinji's computer whenever he drifted off, which was often. The teacher continued to drone on about Second Impact, oftentimes repeating himself - Shinji wasn't sure if this was for effect, or because of dementia. He had mentioned this to Ayanami, who reported a similar situation in her class, 3-A. Apparently the two teachers were identical twins.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The next day there was no school. Katsuragi collected Shinji from his cell and took him to an Eva cage, wherein there was an orange giant robot much like Unit One. It was time for Ayanami to connect with her Eva. To start it up. This did not seem like much of a deal, and Shinji started to lose focus, to fugue. Then Katsuragi told him that the last time Ayanami had tried this, she had been badly injured and spent more than three months in the hospital, so could you please stand up straight and look like you actually give a shit, please?

Shinji focused. He stood up straight. And then he noticed that Father was there. They were in an observation room, dominated by an amber light emitted from monochrome monitors and recessed lighting. One side of the room was composed of two large windows. It was there that Father stood, regarding the orange Eva in the room beyond.

inSANITY METER! MAX%

Shinji started forward. Katsuragi tried to stop him, but it didn't take. A few seconds later she fell off. Company men had materialized from everywhere, were closing in from all directions. No one else noticed. The technicians were attentive to their screens, father kept his gaze out the window. Or, Shinji realized as he got closer, _into_the window. The man was looking at Shinji's reflection, looking him right in the eyes. And there was no acid warmth in Shinji's gut now, just a cold gap of nothing. Father. Father. Hey, Father.

SHINJI IKARI has gained CALAMITY TRIGGER!

inSANITY METER! transformed into MANIA!

"Father." They were side by side, looking at one another in the glass.

"It's been awhile," the man responded. "I'm working now."

"You always will be," Shinji responded. "So, why is it you sent for me? Why did you make a giant robot that only I can control?" The fear was there, but detached. He could acknowledge it, and not let it be a part of him.

"You were the only one," his father responded. Shinji examined these words. Found they meant nothing.

"No, I'm the _third_one," Shinji replied. "So why... what is the point of this? Drowning me for fun? Tricking me? Couldn't you have just left me alone?"

"Rei, can you hear me?" Father said, turning away from Shinji. "We're going to start now."

"Yes," Ayanami's voice seeped out of hidden speakers.

Shinji looked out, now at the orange Evangelion. Filtering Father from his focus. Grinding imaginary hollow bones between his teeth.

"Good luck, Ayanami," he said.

"Yes."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The activation was successful. The amber lights turned mostly green. The orange Eva did not move at all, but apparently that was a good thing.

Father went away after the activation. Katsuragi patted Shinji on the shoulder, and took him up, out of the Geo-Front, to a restaurant. He was making progress, she said. He had made a major breakthrough, she said. Shinji couldn't really make sense of any of that. Seeing Father had filled him with a nervous energy, a hungry sort of purpose that mediocre sushi and fried octopus could not sate. He needed something. Needed to spread it open and pulp what was inside, to feel it smear hot onto him and grow cold.

Once again, he needed the right shape.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

LEVEL COMPLETED!  
>HEDGEHOG'S DILEMMA,<br>or,  
>RIGHT IN THE FACE!<p>

(((Shinji Ikari)))

Gained Title! Garbage

inSANITY METER! transformed into MANIA!  
>Description: Amassed madness becomes an active poison, sickening the heart and mind.<br>Use (before decay): Unleashes inSANITY MODE! at 50% reserve.

Gained Item! CALAMITY TRIGGER!  
>Description: Rare item gained only when inSANITY METER! is at MAX%<br>Use: Unleashes user's latent psychoses.

Gained Achievement! _**Neon Genesis Matsuo Bashō**_  
>Gained Achievement! <em><strong>The Crying Game (23)**_  
>Gained Achievement! <em><strong>The Crying Game (33)  
><strong>_Gained Achievement! _**BOOBIES!**_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  
>(((Rei Ayanami)))<br>Orders followed: 15

Gained Eva! Unit Zero

Gained Achievement! _**Guardian Zero**_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  
>(((Keija Sakkamota)))<br>KOs: 1 Shinji Ikari

Highest Combo: 3x

Gained Achievement! _**Coat Closet Exhibititionist (1/2)**_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Unit Zero's activation had been without real incident, but by the time Katsuragi had gotten Shinji to the restaurant, he had begun to feel it: a swell of energy raising him up, sweeping him forward; a MANIA. The past began to fade, to fray. Loose sushi and flash-fried squid took on an absurd importance: the best meal Shinji had ever eaten - and maybe his last. Old memories, of carnival sweets and red meat and buttered fish falling apart in savory curves were simply out of his mind, locked, inaccessible. Everything about his surroundings became fundamentally unfamiliar, unknowable, threatening.

He managed to keep all this to himself until the barracks cell was closed and locked, and he was alone, whereupon Shinji closed his eyes and tried to count to ten, to give Katsuragi a little time to get out of earshot. He started screaming at four, and spent most of the night knotted in bedsheets, sweating and staring at the ceiling, making it his whole world. The walls of the room crowded into the corners of his vision, looming threats. Even the ceiling became an enemy, crowding into his mind so completely that Shinji began to suspect that it had always been. That everything before it was a lie. That he was a dream of the ceiling viewing itself, and soon it would wake up and he would vanish in a puff of logic; either unmade in a moment, or falling into some deep, pitiless black void.

By the time the company man knocked on his door, Shinji was... _indifferent_. He had spent all night sweating and being mentally tortured by his own imagination; he was dehydrated and exhausted; his death no longer held any meaning. So rolling out of bed, being assailed on all sides by treacherous floors and uncertain walls, was now something he could do without dissolving into a screaming, gibbering mess.

Wonderful.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

By the time his transport arrived at school, the MANIA was seeping back into Shinji's mind. It provided him with rational reasons why he shouldn't be indifferent to his own impending death, and solutions to stave that death off. As the transport door rolled open, the MANIA informed Shinji that they were ten blocks from the lake. As a matter of fact, if Shinji were to look to his right, he'd be able to see the flat flickering silver of water, wherein dwelt the right shape. The MANIA massaged its suggestions by reiterating the dangers of chinstrap geese, and how the school could be blown up by inexplicable _monsters_ and become a **cold** and **dark**hole into which the geese could charge, in order to devour him alive.

Even in the face of this irrefutable logic, Shinji was unable to act. Still too _indifferent_. He got out of the transport and let a company man escort him to the entrance. He did not look to his right. He did not bolt, and rush the lake. He did not feel the wonderful release that came with a chinstrap coming apart in his hands, turning a squawking would-be attacker into quiet, twitching ropes of meat. Shinji kept his eyes forward. Pretended that the school and all of his surroundings were familiar, and that every person he laid eyes upon was not a potential victim for the threat he had been too cowardly to deal with.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

"ending flat walls trick  
>me. apartment. must have. please.<br>evangelion

fine kitchen apart  
>meant for me, fresh clear. Father<br>evangelion

She: Katsuragi,  
>shapes wrong shapes hurt you<br>evangelion

dark, cold, fighting pain  
>blood warming, bones cracking. Die.<br>I will kill them all."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The morning sped past. The class had P.E., but Shinji was excused. The company men were worried he'd go snow leopard on his classmates at track. He sat on a bench by the athletic field, laptop balanced on trembling knees. The day was clear and hot but parts of Shinji's body were ice-cold, and he was sweating again. A headache was building behind his eyes, and he knew if the pain didn't stop growing it would swallow him up, and he would die. It would be a better way to go, dissolving in that slow build. Better than the spikes and strips of agony that dulled with time. Better than to be torn apart slowly, bit by bit. This was fine. This was _good_!

At lunch he retreated to the basement, to under the stairs. It was dark and close down there. A perfect place to shiver and shudder and sweat. He sat compact, knees on the floor, bent over, hands over his head. They were close: he could think of nothing else. They were coming. They would be here soon.

"Ikari," they said, and he laughed. Of course they could talk. "May I sit?" they continued.

His laugh dissolved into a giggle. Come on, he thought. Come on come on come on come on come on come on come on COME ON!

Something touched his shoulder, and he exploded. One arm whipped out, knocking what had touched him aside, and he was up and then falling, clawed hands descending and blue

Blue.

He stopped, then reached out and grabbed the front of Rei Ayanami's uniform, holding her upright. Keeping her from spilling over. The girl's expression was one of angry calm. She righted herself, whirled out of his grasp, picked up her schoolbag, and left. A black plastic bento lay spilled across the floor, where Shinji had knocked it.

No. No, that was... It was a trick. They had tricked him, before, and now they had made him attack Ayanami. He hesitated a moment, considered diving under the stairs and never coming out, then decided to follow her, catching up with the First Child on the stairs between the first and second floors.

"I'm sorry," he blurted, as he closed on her. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Ayanami. I didn't mean to do that. I didn't want... I didn't mean to... hit you. I don't want to hit you. I don't want to hit anyone."

The girl turned, her expression still that angry calm - eyes narrowed slightly, jaw tensed, mouth a straight line. "I was ordered to provide you with food. You spilled that food. This is not my concern."

"Not that," Shinji replied. "It doesn't matter. I'm okay. I'll eat the food anyway. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you off."

"I am unafraid," the girl responded as she climbed the stairs. "I am removing myself from the vicinity of your psychotic episode."

"No!" hearing the word 'psychotic' tore into him. "No, its okay, see?" he started after her. "I thought you were them. I thought you'd come to get me. To tear me up and kill me. I'm sorry. I'm..."

A sound in the distance. A wail, growing, then fading. Students began to scream. Ayanami was coming back to him now, and grabbed his arm.

"I am not a goose," she said, firmly, staring into him. "I am not the enemy. Do you understand?"

Shinji nodded, grateful. He was sorry. He knew she wasn't the enemy.

She pulled him down the stairs and out of the building. The black van was waiting for them.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The entry plug pressed around him, a comfort. The tapered ends of the cylinder were hard to discern, and it was like the walls, ceiling and floor had wrapped around him, letting him keep all of them in sight. The plug suit was another layer, and it felt different from clothes. More like armor that left only his head exposed.

An enemy had come. Katsuragi said so. They had put him in the entry plug, but were going to let Ayanami try her luck before they 'deployed' him. Katsuragi had explained this on the radio, saying that they did not want to put a less-experienced pilot at risk unnecessarily, and that Rei had been training her whole life for this sort of thing, so have some faith, okay?

So he sat, and he waited, and he enjoyed the therapeutic geometry of the entry plug.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Unit Zero was a prototype. It had not been built for actual use; it was, at best, a proof-of-concept for Unit One. Data obtained from Ayanami's first (failed) activation attempt had refined both the various entry plug technologies, and the general activation protocols. If the Fourth Angel had not been so discourteous as to show up before a few Production Models could be delivered, Unit Zero probably would have never been removed from cryo-stasis.

Unit Zero was a prototype. It had no shoulder pylons, its battery supply was externally mounted, and it had no sensor suite to speak of. And even worse, Unit Zero had been built before the various Evangelion support technology standards had been finalized, including the launch catapult system. Since Unit Zero lacked shoulder pylons or accessible hardpoints, Ritsuko had arranged for an improvised compression harness to be mounted to the catapult. The harness held Unit Zero in place long enough for it to be delivered to the surface.

Unit Zero was a prototype, and it was with trepidation that Misato Katsuragi deployed it into combat. Unit One had the pylon system, and mounting hardpoints, and a sensor suite that could both discern and tolerate the face of God, but the pilot... Katsuragi trusted Shinji, but was pretty certain he was not entirely in control of himself.

Unit Zero was a prototype, which explained its first contact with the Fourth Angel, and the protracted retreat that followed. The orange Eva had reached the surface and its compression harness had promptly experienced some catastrophic failure, a short forming between the harness and Unit Zero's power cable - which had also been improvised to mesh with modern Eva tech - effectively electrocuting Unit Zero.

By the time the entry plug computer had re-asserted dominance over Unit Zero's nervous system and Rei had been able to rip herself free of the harness and rail, the Angel had nearly been on top of her. This first contact had been brief but violent, the Angel's crackling-neon energy whips carving through buildings and Unit Zero's umbilical cable. The orange Eva itself was spared only because its AT field slowed the whips and partially mitigated the heat they produced.

At Misato's helpful direction, Rei bugged out. Ritsuko and Ibuki were setting up a fallback position on the city's western rise. Shinji was waiting to be deployed in Unit One, his face an impossible picture of placid myopic intensity.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Eventually, the radio crackled to life. Katsuragi again. She sounded anxious.

"Shinji, we're going to start you up now, okay? We're moving you to the launch catapult."

Light shimmering off water, a million shades of white, and the Eva cage faded into view. Too many threatening surfaces. He was totally outnumbered. But he didn't react, didn't attack. If he focused a little, he could make out the metallic surface beneath the video image. It was okay. He was still wrapped up in a million pounds of armored giant robot.

"We're sending you to up to the western rise," Katsuragi was saying, speaking so quickly it was hard to understand, "with a pallet rifle. Get the rifle and wait. Rei is leading the Angel your way."

Angel. The enemy was an Angel?

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Ten minutes later:

Unit Zero: facedown at the bottom of Tokyo 3's western rise, its entry plug ejected. Rei Ayanami was being recovered some distance away.

Unit One: standing on the rise, clutching a spent palette rifle by its top handle, facing down the Fourth Angel. Shinji Ikari was out of his seat, up against the end of the entry plug, getting as close as he could to the impossible enemy. His face was a passing mixture of joy and rage.

Misato Katsuragi: trying to convince Ritsuko and the Commander that simply deactivating Unit One where it stood wouldn't be the most prudent course of action.

Shinji had followed orders, up to a point. He had retrieved the palette rifle and used it to cover Unit Zero at a distance. When Rei had tried her close-quarters gambit and been bodily hurled two miles, right into Unit One, Shinji had managed to catch her and, when it became obvious the geology of the rise would not support the weight of one Eva carrying another, flipped Unit Zero onto its stomach so Rei could eject. Then he had gone back up, dodging around a closing Fourth Angel, and had nearly been to the recovery catapult before he froze.

And now he was pressing his hands against the spherical cap of the entry plug, face contorting to betray thoughts that were wholly unknowable to Misato, but probably completely insane.

"We can't win," Ritsuko was saying. "And that's the end of it."

"He can fight," Misato said. "We've seen what he can do. We just have to give him a chance to..."

"He obliterated the Third Angel, Katsuragi," Ritsuko interrupted. "Totally. And we don't know how or why, just that he somehow managed to _intuitively_use Unit One's AT field. Which isn't something human beings are supposed to be able to do."

"So he's screwed up in a way that helps us. Not ideal, but how is this bad? What is the point of risking a perfectly functional weapon? Can you say for certain we'll be able to recover Unit One before that thing slices it and Shinji to bits?"

"The AT field is too powerful to be in the hands of someone like him!" Ritsuko was starting to shout. "Providing cover for Rei was fine, but now he's gone into that damn _state_. If you tell him to 'grab the red ball' again, he could ignite the atmosphere. He could drag the moon out of the sky. He could crack the damn planet in half. But, more to the point, he could shield Unit One from all electromagnetic signals, which mean we won't be able to shut him down! With our luck, he'll form an S2 circuit with the AT Field and go off the grid entirely! Even if he kills the Angel, _we can't win!_"

"Unit One is all we've got left!" Misato countered. "Even if we manage to recover Zero, the damn thing is too buggy to..."

"Send a code 54-7," came the Commander's voice, from on high. "Captain, do your best to control him."

"What is that?" Misato asked. "Code 54-7."

"Code 54 shuts down the entry plug system," Ritsuko replied. "The syntax gives it a seven minute delay."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

He had noticed them when working up the rise. Hadn't thought anything about them, at first. The enemy, see, had these things on the top of its flattened head. They seemed flush with its shiny skin, or carapace, or whatever. Eyes. Stylized eyes with red pupils.

Katsuragi was talking again. Said everything would go **black**in seven minutes. Shinji giggled. The world began to blur...

SHINJI IKARI used MANIA!

inSANITY MODE (RESERVE) ACTIVE!  
>50%...49.9%...<p>

The enemy had remained stationary for a time, as though watching Shinji watch it. The moment he moved, it responded. The twin lines of neon pink energy whipped towards Shinji, but his hands were already up to block it.

Pain. In his chest, right next to his heart. He couldn't look down, couldn't look away. His arm burned and the thing was looming, right in his face.

"Its them!" Shinji screamed in defiance, addressing all the world. "Don't you get it?!"

One of the tentacles had wrapped around his arm. The armor was beginning to blacken. Shinji snapped the arm back, tauting the tentacle, and then slammed the empty palette rifle into the sizzling pink thread over  
>"See? I told you!"<br>and over  
>"Don't"<br>and over  
>"you"<br>and over  
>"get it!?"<br>and over until the it snapped free of the enemy's body and darkened. The cord was baked into his arm, and the palette rifle was in pieces, but he didn't care. The other line of pink energy was stabbing into his chest, and that  
>was just<br>fucking  
><em>hi-lar-i-ous<em>!

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGHHHHH!" He tackled the floating purple-red thing, and they tumbled down the rise and into the city.

"Hey, Misato Katsuragi Captain ma'am!" Shinji shouted over the blaring white pain in his chest. "Hey, hey, they built a giant robot too!"

There were a set of weird, white insect arms in the thing's stomach. They bit into Unit One's leg. Armor sizzled. Shinji jerked his leg away and punched the recessed cavity the insect arms were housed in. They smashed up easy. Reminded him of Teacher, slipper in hand, crushing cave crickets that would pop around the house in the the cooler months.

Dripping lines of colorless acid were digging into the armor on Unit One's hand. Shinji flicked the wrist, splashing the surrounding building, which instantly began to smoke.

"Hey, that's a pretty good trick!" he said, rising as he surveyed the burning, melting surroundings. "The energy tentacles too! Color's a little off. You want," he stomped on where the thing's 'head' and 'body' joined, "something red" stomp "like, evil looking, okay?" The enemy was trying to jerk its gay little streamer out of his chest, but Shinji held it in place.

"So we're just going to take you open, okay? We're just going to spread you out a bit. I want to see you, I want you to stream out in a great shattered cloud."

A moment of confusion: he couldn't seem to open his mouth. But then came a great cracking sound, and Unit One roared, and Shinji bent down and found some of the enemy's soft meat, where the head coupled to the body, just behind the red ball. The blood was thick and a dark purple. Shinji let go of the thing's tentacle and forced the thing's head and body apart, so he could get further in. The enemy was keening now, a great heavy choral rumble that shook the earth. Interesting resistances yielded to Shinji's teeth, tissues of varying densities ripping, strange orange polyps rupturing. There was no taste, and that seemed like a waste. They had built it for him, knowing he might take it apart. The taste was part of their expression, see? And he couldn't experience it.

Finally, his teeth hit something hard, and he pulled back and shoved a hand in, grasping the object and pulling on it. The enemy's lower body began to compact as the spine was extracted, column by spiked column.

"They did it!" Shinji shouted. "They did it. Tried to get me again. Building a robot. Eva. But they aren't going to get me, they'll never get me, never ever _ever get me_, I'm going to kill every last one of them!"

He ripped the last of the spine free. The red ball came away too; the top of the spine was fused to it. Shinji tossed the lolling gore aside.

"Now where are you," he mumbled. "I want to see you. I'm going to break you, I'm going to pop each and every one of you. Where is it. Where is your entry plug..."

He tore the thing's body apart, starting at the 'neck', where his teeth had first opened it, and ripping the wound further and further down, spilling more purple blood and unfamiliar meat. The gay pink streamer was now a limp cord and hung forgotten from his chest. The chinstraps had lost. They weren't going to trick him. He slopped through the body, ripping out orange organs until it was clear there was nothing like an entry plug in there, which made no sense.

He was cracking the enemy's head open when the world went dark.

5.5%... 5.0%...

The **dark black cold**again. The hissing, honking place. Where he had been thrown like garbage.

4.0%... 2.0%...

He _knew_ he was in Unit One. In the entry plug. Safe. But the **dark black cold**was still there, with him. It had come in with him. It was always going to be there, in the past, waiting for him to remember...

0%...

inSANITY MODE EXHAUSTED!

A brief moment before he passed out the space around him brightened, seemed to expand. A room, a white room...

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

And now the world was a traincar, bathed in amber light. Ayanami and Katsuragi were there, and they were talking to him, but Shinji couldn't make out anything they said. He had a goose in his hands. He had ripped off one wing and jammed his hand into the ragged hole, and was in the process of extracting the filthy creature's tiny, beating heart. The creature gave a feeble, delicious honk before dying.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

"SHINJI!" the voice brought him out of the comforting warmth of some wonderful dream. Shinji jerked upright, saw Katsuragi and Dr. Akagi and white bedsheets.

"Uh," he looked around. Clearly a hospital. "Did I. Was there another accident?"

A pause.

"Did you slap me?"

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

"So the psychiatrist arrived today," Misato said as they left the Third Child's room. "Section Two is trying to find a Japanese-German translator that isn't, you know, me. Worst-case, some poor embassy employee out of Tokyo 2 gets shanghaied for the duration."

"Some good news, at least," Ritsuko replied. "Its going to take ages to disinfect Unit One. I barely have time to be here."

"Yeah, I... appreciate you coming, Ritsu."

"You don't feel safe with him anymore?" Akagi asked, precisely editing the sarcastic tone out of her voice that stating this foregone conclusion required. "I can't believe you were willing to share your apartment with something like that."

"I took precautions," the Captain replied, quietly. "I... its just so. He seemed so normal when I pulled him out of the lake. He was... confused, but he was sane. You saw him. He was normal. Embarrassed. Afraid. He..." they had cleared the hospital corridor, and were in the waiting area. Misato had to sit, and was grateful when Ritsuko joined her. The woman promptly took out her tablet, but still.

"I did this to him. I... I didn't get there in time. He was in that hole because of me and. He's not supposed to be like this. He was normal before. This was supposed to be easy. Well. Easier than this."

"Not your fault," Ritsuko replied, fingers working over her tablet. "The Third Angel emerged faster than predicted. Blame it, not yourself."

"Thanks for the psychology textbook, Ritsu," Misato replied, helpless. Her vision was blurring, aw dammit...

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Everyone at the hospital was nice, but they wouldn't tell him anything. It was getting kinda scary. The last time he had lost memory, he had come-to with a goose spine in one hand and a belly full of pasted down and raw meat. He must have done something worse, this time. The last thing he could recall was Sakkamota's three-combo punch in the school entryway. Had he... maybe... like... had he hurt her? She'd punched him in the face three times, if there was already something wrong with his head...

Shinji spent most of his time out of bed, walking around the room, his imagination torturing him. It helped matters not at all that his body was uninjured, and that he appeared to have lost another week. No, he had done something, something terrible, that people were afraid to talk to him about. Even Katsuragi...

The nurses were polite, if noncommittal. They gave him food and magazines, and always made sure he found his way directly back to his room if they found him wandering the halls. At least they didn't lock the door. Shinji was getting sick of locked doors. Sick of this whole place.

Ayanami came to visit on the third day. Her bandages were off, and for the first time Shinji could see that both her eyes were blood red. He asked her what he had done, why no one was talking to him. She had given him a stack of papers - school assignments - and said the information he wanted was classified.

"But... I did it, so I should be able to know about it, right?" he persisted. "I mean. I. Did I. Was I _violent_toward someone? Was it Sakkamota? Did I hurt him, eh, her?"

Ayanami thought about this for a moment.

"This location is not secure," she finally said. "I cannot divulge specific information."

A hot flash of annoyance flashed through Shinji. Was no one going to tell him anything?

"But," she continued, saying the next bit slowly, as though reciting something in a foreign language, "you can know that you saved my life. This is something about which you should be proud. The Commander is grateful."

"The Comma... father?"

The girl nodded. "My guardian."

No further questions for Ayanami, or any response to what she had said. No questions about how he could have possibly saved her life. Shinji went to the bed and laid down and pulled the covers over his head. Eventually, Ayanami left. Shinji yanked the covers back down. The ceiling was blurry. Aw dammit...

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

"That DNA is changing," Ritsuko said, as soon as Misato walked through her door.

"Unit One is contaminated?"

"No, the stuff in the Third Child. The extra stuff. I just got the report back." Ritsuko helpfully slid some technical nonsense across her desk for Misato to stare at. "Since we last tested him, the Eva DNA in those points around his body has changed by about 3%. It probably happened during the fight with the Fourth Angel."

"Its spreading?"

"No," Ritsuko gestured to the technical readout. "The code, the composition of the matter in those parts of his body has changed."

"...okay."

Ritsuko sighed. "Okay, let's just... the code doesn't track with anything we've developed, but its still managing to change while maintaining a superficial, _functional_resemblance to the Third Child's internal structures."

"...okay."

"That should be impossible, Misato. I _know_ you took Genetics, I dragged you through it, remember? This was a _designed_ effect. Unit One has _contaminated_ Shinji's body with DNA that expresses as near-human tissue while in Shinji's body, despite having the wrong number of chromosomes. It doesn't make any sense. It _frightens_me, understand? I'm trying to tell you: this is another reason for keeping the Third Child out of Eva. It changed these parts of him, and it could well do it again. The composition of this stuff seems as benign as the last, but we have no way of knowing what will happen the next time we put him in the entry plug."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

A week passed. Then two.

They made him see a psychiatrist, a fat _gaijin_with a beard, who couldn't even speak Japanese. Through a translator, the fat man asked Shinji about his mother and father, about his teacher, and what had happened in the Outer Ward.

Shinji dutifully recited his history. Very boring. The fat man kept trying to trick him into things, into admitting that when he had slaughtered those geese in the Outer Ward and Lake Ashino (apparently the name of the lake where Katsuragi had found him) he had really been thinking about people, or something. The idea of that kind of irreparable harm to other humans made Shinji physically ill, and he often clammed up during these suggestions. It made the killings seem distasteful, somehow - asking Shinji to second-guess what he had felt.

It was about survival, Shinji explained. In the Outer Ward, the geese had tried to kill him. He was acting affirmatively to ensure they would not be able to try and kill him again. And after Lake Ashino, they had _responded_, they had built a robot that was like them in the same way Eva was like people, a great flying creature of scrabbling talons and searing wings and empty red eyes.

The fat man came back with a bunch of crap about the behavior of fowl in breeding season, and how whole flocks of ducks, swan, and geese had been known to file into a storm drain because one of their young had accidentally fallen into it. Because, see Shinji? These things aren't intelligent. They're lesser creatures. They cannot think, or plan. The behavior you have interpreted as aggression was simply an instinct to protect their young.

So what, Shinji had responded. What about mukade, what about venomous snakes? Crescent bears? Just because they're acting on instinct, we shouldn't eliminate them until they actually kill someone?

The fat man launched into a long and difficult-to-translate rant about the dignity of living things.

Shinji thought about Sakkamota's breasts.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Ivan Ivanovitch, the redundantly named Serb late of Germany, presented his psychiatric evaluation of the Third Child to Misato three weeks after the vivisection/consumption of the Fourth Angel.

"The boy's father," the man drawled, in German, "is the root of this, yeah? The man, he brings Shinji into a new place. There are bad consequences. The boy attributes these consequences to his father, yeah? This is usual. A coping strategy by children to control the people that regulate them, which is to say: their parents. A problem only enhanced by the early death of the boy's mother."

"This incident in your outwards wards. The geese, the violence. Shinji's emotional state appears to have regressed, at least, assuming a normal baseline for a boy his age... and assuming my colleagues have not misled me about the specifics of gender and social identity unique to the Japanese male teenager. Even considering the absence of a mother-figure, regression can still be inferred. His future desires: _entirely_ inchoate; his sexual identity: either non-existent or being carefully repressed. The geese have become a substitute for Shinji's father, and an outlet for this uncertainty and repression he should be feeling, but is not. They have become an _alternative_to this powerless situation he finds himself in."

"This is a tricky thing; normative amorality. Nothing is physically wrong with his brain, there is no evidence he has experienced prolonged direct or physical abuse, but his mind is still," Ivan twisted a hand.

"We talk about the geese, I argue with him, to an extent. He doesn't listen, or he misunderstands, and it is genuine, yeah? Not idle, automatic disagreement. There is a block in his mind that prevents him from comprehending what you and I understand about the world. He thinks the geese, as a flock, as a species, actually tried to kill him, and that their efforts are ongoing. You see? He has experienced a break with reality, and is now in a sort of permanent, quasi-hallucinatory state where the certainty that these animals are trying to murder him overrides any evidence to the contrary."

The man was rambling, and Misato was having trouble following the narrative. "The geese are a placeholder for Shinji's father. So... Shinji thinks his father is trying to kill him?" It didn't seem necessary to mention the Oedipal reciprocal.

"He has strong, aggressive feelings toward the father that are currently being projected, _magnified_onto something - the geese - Shinji can understand as deserving punishment," Ivan corrected. "These feelings toward his father: probably milder, would be mitigated by social custom, emotional ties, subconscious familial recognition, and the like. He refuses to talk about his father. I do not know how literal the emotional transitive state is."

"So... what do we do?" Misato managed to put in. "What do you advise?"

"This is tricky, yeah? A kind of OCD co-morbid with normative schizophrenia. The compulsive disorder seems to regulate the schizophrenia. Not categorical. It is unique. I recommend starting him on antipsychotics. Therapy should continue. It would help if we could get the father involved."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

It was a month in total before they let Shinji go back to school. There were two company men in the back of the class now, and a general understanding in the student body that they were there to protect Shinji, because his father was Somebody Important. The boy himself was pretty sure the company men were there to protect the other students from him.

Katsuragi had finally shown him footage of the fight with the enemy, the 'Angel.' He hadn't talked to anyone for three days afterward, not even Ayanami. What Unit One had done on that screen... that wasn't him, wasn't anything he wanted to understand. The purple-red giant monster had been utterly destroyed. Meticulously unmade. Purple blood and thicker stuff flowing down streets, the twitching motions of severed limbs, the way its skin had stretched out in Unit One's hands, growing thin and transparent before tearing...

And the spine. He had gone for the spine again.

Sakkamota came up to him at lunch, to collect his schoolwork for the teacher. She seemed surprised when he actually produced it. After a week of being cooped up in that hospital room, it had been a welcome diversion.

"So, what's your excuse?" Sakkamota asked, tucking the papers under one arm.

Shinji considered. "It was the hair," he finally answered, honestly. "I've never met a girl with hair that short."

She kicked him, hard. "Dumbass! I mean, why weren't you in the shelter?"

"He was with me," came Ayanami's voice. The blue-haired girl came up behind the class representative, handed Shinji his bento, and sat down.

"Oh, that's good," Sakkamota threw up her hands. "And why weren't _you_in the shelter?"

Ayanami opened her own bento and began to eat.

"Look, I'm the one that gets blamed if he doesn't show up."

Ayanami's chopsticks halted in mid-motion. She appeared to consider. "No," she finally said. "You are not. Your position is designed to aid teachers by mitigating certain burdensome aspects of the educational process. It is also used to pacify the younger generation with nominal representation. You have no authority and, therefore, no responsibility."

"Yeah? That's neat," Sakkamota replied, and backhanded the unopened bento from Shinji's grasp. "I have a _moral_responsibility. To me. So Ikari? What is all this? Were you and Ayanami doing something indecent in the equipment shed?"

"No," Shinji answered evenly, going after the bento. He was a little surprised to find that he wasn't blushing. Those pills the fat _gaijin_had given him were screwing him up. "We were..." Ayanami was looking at him carefully. "...we went to a different shelter? My, uh, guardian made us...?"

"And then you got hurt," Sakkamota continued, for him.

"Our shelter was compromised. There were fatalities," Ayanami answered for him. "Neither of us wish to talk about it."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

A week passed, pleasantly. The medication, prescribed by the fat _gaijin_, was stuffing every emotion Shinji had with cotton. Katsuragi didn't take him to Eva training anymore, and they stopped locking his door. After school, he was free to wander around the Administrative Park to his heart's content. Sometimes Katsuragi or the fat _gaijin_and his translator would walk with him. Once, Ayanami even joined him, and as they passed under the gleaming curve of the express car transport, Shinji admitted that he hated her, just a little, for having his father as a guardian.

One day he came back from his walk and some shipping boxes were on his cell bed. Inside were all of the belongings he had left at teacher's house, including his cello and some old cassettes. Someone, presumably Katsuragi, had included a new SDAT player to replace the one that had been destroyed in the Outer Ward. There were also some new cassettes, still wrapped in cellophane. Katsuragi was probably responsible for that as well - it was hard to imagine any of those company men going into a store and buying E-Pop.

SHINJI IKARI has gained CELLO!

SHINJI IKARI has gained SDAT PLAYER!

SHINJI IKARI has gained SDAT DISK!

Two more weeks passed, in a haze of souring indifference. The medication was affecting Shinji's judgment and emotional balance. He could feel it happening and disliked it in a very diffusive, ineffectual way.

One day, Sakkamota joined him and Ayanami for lunch. The class representative's regular circle of friends were home sick with Chinese measles, or playing a sport match in another school, or building a low-orbit delivery system for a thermonuclear something-or-other. One of those.

Sakkamota tried to strike up a conversation with him, and he accidentally replied with the wrong honorific again. She punched his arm, not softly, then tried to continue the conversation, tried to get Shinji to talk. He gave her perfectly generic replies, and when he got bored of the interaction, asked if he could see her breasts again. Actually, he called them 'tits.' This was evidently the incorrect colloquialism, as Sakkamota slapped him (how many times was that, now?) and left the classroom, and missed the next class hour. Shinji had to actively restrain himself from going up to her at the end of the day and informing her that, in this class, students were expected to actually come back after lunch.

Later, scratching his way through a shoddy rendition of Ode to Joy in his cell, Shinji finally got a good view of that encounter with Sakkamota. Between the tearing cords and his shifting fingers and his mind, always dancing a half-measure ahead, he arrived at a place of embarrassment and shame, and awareness that he was no longer himself, that the pills he was being given were causing him to hurt the people around him.

The next day, he started fake-swallowing the pills when the company men gave them to him, and then spitting them in the toilet. They were making him hurt people. Whatever evil they were supposed to be preventing, it wasn't worth the cost. He had told Ayanami he hated her, and he had probably made Sakkamota cry. Ayanami, at least, was worth a few dead geese.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

"The boy has stopped taking the medicine," Ivan announced as he walked into Misato's office. "A good sign, I think."

Misato squared her paperwork and gently pushed it aside. Knotted her hands. Said, very slowly, "How exactly is that a 'good sign', Ivanovich?"

The man folded his hands over his expansive belly. "The boy's condition is normative, as I said before. Nothing is wrong with his mind, physically. The break with reality has engaged his fight-or-flight impulse continuously - his psychoses are reinforced by constant reference back to that impulse, which informs him that geese are wicked and trying to kill him. The pills allow him to experience more deliberate mental behavior; or rather, the pills deaden autonomic mental processes like fight-or-flight."

"And how is that good, Mr. Ivanovich?" Misato repeated, her hands beating the desk. "We need him stable, we need him able to pilot."

"I was getting to that, my dear," Ivanovich said with a wholly-unearned tone of familiarity. "Contrast is key. A break with reality is in most cases impossible to repair, but Shinji is young enough that we should at least give him a chance to fix it himself. The pills show him a more sane, deliberate world. If he is able to contrast that with his delusion, he may be able to quell the fight-or-flight impulse that causes his condition to persist. He could, quite literally, reason through the quasi-hallucinatory state his brain is fixated upon."

Dammit. "I need him able to pilot," Misato said. "I need him reliable."

"The drug's effects are cumulative, I'm afraid," the psychiatrist replied. "We must either reinforce the regime now, or allow Shinji to see the world both ways. If we do nothing, there is no way to safely alter his neuro-chemistry immediately before putting him into combat."

Misato beat the desk, this time with her forehead. Ivanovich probably thought she was bowing to him. No matter.

"I would advise..." Ivanovich began, then stopped when Misato raised a hand.

"There's a chance this will fix him?" she asked, raising off the desk. "As in, he won't have to take any pills, he'll respond to commands, and this whole thing with geese will go away?"

"Experience shapes us," Ivanovich said, by way of response. "The boy has done things while psychotic that will shape the rest of his life. There is no chance of the Shinji Ikari that existed before the outward wards incident... there is no chance of him returning. But if this works, he will share the same general, sane view of the world most of humanity _enjoys_." The last word was clearly sarcastic.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Rei Ayanami had responsibilities at NERV that Shinji did not. Some days, she would be absent, and one of the company men would have to buy Shinji food. Today was such a day. Shinji ate his bento - which he had been allowed to pick out, and so contained delicious smoked salmon - by the window, watching the gravity rainbow stretching across the sky, and trying desperately to control himself whenever an errant bird fluttered through his field of vision.

Sakkamota sat down in the desk in front of him. Shinji turned to his computer, so he could sort of pretend to maybe listen to her.

He really didn't get her; why she kept talking to him. _He_ wouldn't want to talk to him. There was something strange between the two of them now, probably just the knowledge of her chest. Maybe she was just hanging around to make sure he wasn't telling other boys. Because he had _so many_friends.

Her hanging around was strange, especially since she seemed so popular, but today was to be extra-strange. Because she opened with a complaint about a friend who had betrayed her in some small way, progressed to the unnecessary observation that 'the blue-hair' wasn't around, and then said "it would probably be a good idea if we got together after school."

"Well, if you're after her number, I don't have it," Shinji answered, offhand. He had found a game on the school network called 'JezzBall,' and that was occupying most of his attention. Right up until Sakkamota slammed the screen down on his fingers.

"Shit!" he shouted, drawing the attention of several classmates. "What? What!?" a blast of unbalanced emotion leftover from the pills. "I don't have her number, I said!"

"I meant," Sakkamota said, evenly, and in a tone of voice that suggested it would be so wonderful if Shinji would please MODULATE THE VOLUME OF HIS VOICE, "that you and I should do something after school. Today."

The world froze. A slow shudder passed through Shinji. He found himself at a precipice above sudden, unimagined futures.

But... he was still screwed up from the medicine. His first impulse was to leap from the metaphorical precipice and sprint down the path that involved seeing more of Sakkamota's chest, and hey, maybe the rest of her. But, since that first impulse was probably because of his chemical imbalance, he ignored it and went with the second option: wholly embarrassing honesty.

"I have to go, um, to NERV after school," he said. He had never heard anyone in the school utter 'Geo-Front,' and wasn't certain if it was common knowledge or not. Ayanami had made it plain that he wasn't to talk about Eva - Shinji wasn't sure what else was off-limits.

The girl with the c-cups frowned. "What about tomorrow then?" she pressed.

"I... I have to go NERV after school," Shinji repeated. "Every day. Maybe I could ask the Captain if I could get a day off, but"

"Captain?"

Not this again. This... _information-gathering_.

"Stop. Asking. Me. About. NERV." he recited this slowly. "I can't talk about it. You know I can't." And that was good, that was exactly what needed to be said... and then he screwed it all up by adding: "It isn't any of your business."

Sakkamota stared past Shinji, over his shoulder. Opened her mouth, closed it. Shrugged herself upright.

"I, um. I'm a friend, right?" Shinji tried. "I can't talk about that stuff, and you know it. I'm trying to not get anyone into trouble."

"You're an asshole, Ikari," Sakkamota said, by way of reply. "I can't believe I almost let that happen."

You don't know me, Shinji thought. You don't know what I've done. Getting close to me is stupid. I've got bird diseases. And a spine fetish.

Another slow moment. Sakkamota wasn't moving. He _had_to say something.

Pretend she really is a boy. Someone you know. Someone you talk with all the time. Someone who has just been beat up, and needs a little reassurance.

"I like you too, um, Kei," he said. As a friend, you know. I've even given you a nickname, see? "I just don't know why you, um, like me." Um um um. I cannot imagine. One of my eyes is made of blood. I see things that are not there. If you knew any more about me than you do right now, you'd want nothing to do with me and I've been thinking about you, about your chest and everything else and sometimes you turn into the purple-red _monster_ I tore apart and you must have a good sense of humor but this isn't a joke, there's nothing funny here, and the only reason I am not running away is my feet are wrapped around the legs of this chair and please walk away, please just keep hate me. You keep _slapping_me, so you must hate me, so we should just keep it like that. It would be so much easier to understand.

Sakkamota sat back down, facing him. The chair creaked as Shinji's legs tensed. "If it helps, a little," she said. "Think of it as convenience."

Her hands rested on the seatback, folded together, kneading. "I. You made me angry. I showed you something I shouldn't have. And it would be neat, it would be _tidy_, if we started. You know. _Going_. Since we've already done some of the... stuff."

"I'm not going to tell," Shinji replied, but his resistance flagging. Because, seriously, why not? Even if he couldn't quite fathom why. He thought about her sometimes. It could be... fun. It could be _right_. "I didn't mean to bring that up again, not where Ayanami could hear. It was," he searched for something appropriate, flattering, "a _gift_."

Sakkamota snorted. "It was me being pissed off beyond rational thought. And this is just plain stupid, if you think about it."

Shinji nodded.

"I mean, we've known each other for all of what, two months? And you don't do anything but annoy me. It would be irresponsi - no. No no no no NO!"

The sirens were wailing again. Shinji's cellphone rang.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

LEVEL COMPLETED!  
>MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE<p>

(((Shinji Ikari)))

Kills: 1 Angel

Highest Combo: 8x

Gained Frienemy! Kei Sakkamota

Gained Item! CELLO!  
>Description: An instrument. Used to produce morose music.<br>Use: Makes bitches moist. Smashes up chinstrap geese in a pinch.  
>Passive Effect: Resentment for the past indifference of adults +10.<p>

Gained Item! SDAT!  
>Description: An unlikely progression of local technology. Alternate-history mp3CD analog.  
>Use: Allows guided, repetitive internal focus  exclusion of outside sensory input.  
>Passive Effect: While possessed, enhances appeal of solitude.<p>

Gained Item! SDAT DISK!  
>Title: <strong>Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys<strong>  
>Use: <em>Emo<em>tion. **Irony**. Possible songfic.

Gained Achievement! _**Candy from Strangers**_  
>Gained Achievement! <em><strong>Ass Magnet: Cello<strong>_  
>Gained Achievement! <em><strong>Irony!<strong>_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  
>(((Keija Sakkamota)))<p>

KOed by:  
>Rei Ayanami (rhetoric)<br>Shinji Ikari (embarrassment)

Tits: Still C

Gained Achievement! _**Some Strings Attached**_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Ayanami was going up first, of course. They'd never lead with him - the walking (biting, ripping, killing) calamity. It was hard even being in Central Dogma, knowing everyone there had seen him lose his mind and rant like an idiot (savant? something) while ripping that purple-red creature's spine from its body. Anywhere but the barracks cell, Shinji kept his earbuds in and his head down, because everyone knew who he was. Even with E-pop blaring, he could sort of _detect_the murmurs that followed in his wake, a pattern of hushed whispers and hurried footsteps.

He was wearing just the one earbud now, in the entry plug. Everything was being piped through there, small windows playing video:

of Unit Zero, drifting toward the launch catapult;

of Ayanami, in her entry plug;

of the bridge in Central Dogma, where the Captain and Doctor Akagi were moving among subordinates with inscrutable purpose;

of the blue-diamond Angel, hanging in the sky;

displaying black-orange contrasted changing graphs, what Akagi had called a 'data stream' during training;

and over all that, the near-mechanical droning voice:  
>"LOWER FRAME MERGE<br>ANTERIOR LOCK DISENGAGE PROCESS INITIATED  
>LATERAL TRANSFER COMPLETE<br>BAFFLES RELEASED  
>LOWER FRAME DISENGAGE<br>MOVING TO THE LAUNCH PLATFORM  
>ELECTROKINETIC FRAME MODULE CHARGED<br>COMPRESSION HARNESS VERIFIED..."

He mostly ignored the window displaying the Angel - the _monster_. Because it was absurd. It hurt to look at. Giant monsters were supposed to be men in suits destroying scale-reproductions of famous landmarks. That thing on the surface was just... _offensive_. A blue, seemingly-transparent octahedron, just floating in the air, not doing anything. Looking at it started a shudder going in Shinji's shoulders. Blue. Floating. Seemingly harmless. Geometric. So why... so _how_, did it look so much like a spider? Like something dark, and covered in bristles, and that had too many legs. Something that could fold itself up in a crevice where sinister walls meet uncertain floors, to wait and pounce and bite and tear...

...yeah, best not to look at that window. Maybe a bit of the bridge. Maybe a little of Unit Zero, with a dash of Ayanami. But looking at her made Shinji feel little... _hrm_. That white plug suit left little to the imagination, really, at least the parts of her upper body that were visible. While it was a little _hentai_, Shinji couldn't help but observe that Ayanami's chest size appeared to be just about identical to Sakkamota's.

Okay, so maybe don't look at _that_ window, either. His plugsuit left little to the imagination, too. Not that anyone was actually paying attention to him. No one wanted him to be there. Everyone was focused on Ayanami. They desperately wanted him to not matter. Because, see, he was crazy, right? Insane. Psychotic. He was the normative schizophrenic with a unique dash of violent amorality that made him more pathetic than immediately dangerous. Oh, and he was also a _hentai_. With a thing for spines.

But not mattering was okay with Shinji. He didn't want to matter. He didn't want to fight. He didn't want to lose any more of his memory, or humiliate himself in front of everyone in Father's company. Really, honestly, he'd be happy to just keep on living in a cell and going to that school. You know, where Sakkamota and her breasts were.

Unit Zero launched.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Misato Katsuragi was watching Unit Zero burn.

Rei had managed to get her Eva's AT Field up moments before the Angel opened fire, scattering the beam - what Ritsuko was calling 'an ultracoherent positronic emission' - into Unit Zero's immediate surroundings. The catapult housing and several other support buildings around Unit Zero were dissolving into a shiny substance that scattered like ash and flowed like liquid.

Ritsu elaborated on the nature of the Angel's weapon thusly: "That's _positronic_, Captain. The MAGI is also detecting what looks like proton-antiproton annihilation." And that meant poison and heat. Misato wasn't so good with genetics, but she knew her high-energy weaponry. When positrons and electrons met, they cancelled (or 'annihilated') each other out, releasing energy in the form of gamma radiation. Proton-antiproton annihilation was worse, releasing a burst of sub-atomics - mesons and elementary particles and other quantum _things_- in addition to basic atomic destruction. The energy radiating from Unit Zero's dissolving surroundings was the radioactive equivalent of a shotgun blast to the face. A continuous shotgun blast of cancer and heat that was cooking Rei alive.

Katsuragi considered all of this in the space of time it took Ritsu to describe the MAGI's analysis. Lieutenant Hyuga reported the catapult frame was dissolving. Maya, in a pleading tone, informed her that the LCL in Unit Zero's entry plug would begin to boil in thirty seconds, after which Rei would either asphyxiate or burn to death.

The whole block would have to come down, then.

Commander Ikari agreed.

The signal was sent, and nothing happened. The shiny blue octahedron kept spewing death down on Unit Zero, which remained where it was.

The various radiant properties of annihilation, Ritsu concluded, had damaged the machinery in the Geo-Front superstructure, fusing the block on which Unit One stood to those adjacent.

Rei would be dead in fifteen seconds.

They were going to have to use the base self-destruct, Katsuragi realized. At this point, the only way to get Rei underground was to activate every explosive fail-safe attached or proximate to the discrete recovery chutes under each block, then blow the support bolts for all blocks in a 3x3 grid centered around Unit Zero and hope superstructure would give way. And that the Eva was intact enough to survive the drop.

But before she could give the order - or rather, advise the Commander to issue that order - the Angel stopped its attack. Lieutenant Aoba confirmed that the high-energy reaction in the Angel's interior had disappeared. At Maya's near-hysterical demand, Rei shifted Unit Zero's AT Field from beam-shattering barrier to passive defense, which began to normalize the Eva's thermals.

So dig, Katsuragi urged the girl. Tear a hole down past the damage, into the recovery chute. We'll send up a utility crew with an umbilicus and...

And Ritsuko was shouting again, waving at Maya's terminal. Talking techno too fast for Katsuragi to track:  
>Anomalous AT Field event.<br>Pan-cranial hindbrain lobotomic embolism.  
>Opportunistic high-R activity in autonomic centers 1-15.<br>Total destruction of A10 nerve connections to the AT-gland.

And as she spoke, her voice directed overhead, to the Commander, she was, for some reason, gesturing at the readout for Unit _One_.

Katsuragi suffered a moment's indecision, then fixed herself on Rei's egress, filtering out her friend's voice before the obvious panic could infect her. Katsuragi was the tactician, and Unit Zero was the only Eva, at the moment, in a tactical situation.

Specifically, Unit Zero was trapped. The Eva's legs were encased in the shiny liquid/ash the surrounding buildings had dissolved into during the Angel's attack. The unknown substance had hardened, and was beyond the damaged Unit Zero's ability to break free of. Rei was withdrawing the Eva's progressive knife when Ritsu came over and told Katsuragi they needed to get Unit One to a launch catapult, RIGHT NOW.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The moment Ayanami's orange Eva vanished upward in a cascade of blue electricity, a thought popped into Shinji's head. Just a random idea, innocuous but anomalous: a white room, with him right in the middle, standing upright.

It was pretty great, an inversion of the **cold** **dark **that was never far from his thoughts. The idea made him giddy, so he focused on it, imagining that box in detail: illuminated from nowhere, the lines where walls and floor and ceiling meet just barely visible as a slightly brighter shade of glowing luminous white. A useless idea, but a vivid one. It filled his mind, driving out the chatter of the open comm. Drowning out the shouts, and the screams.

There was something on the walls of the room. Numbers. Math.

Shinji recognized functions and derivatives, clumped together here and there in something  
>that faintly resembled a physics proof. The symbols were flowing, spreading, writing themselves across the walls and ceiling and floor.<p>

And they were starting to make a certain amount of sense.

It was like music. Like holding the performance in your mind, always staying a half-measure ahead of your fingers. Except the music of these equations had a certain narrative meaning to it, a certain _language_.

The language was compressed, or maybe fractal. Between the lines, between the big, unspeakable _ideas_, was written a hidden saga: the sharp saw, pinch-snapped cords scraping up the board, fingers torn and dripping. His body vibrated - a leg, an arm, an ear, a tooth, the blood eye - in step with the soundless music.

His own vibration was different from that math-music-language-vibration though, just a little. More refined. _Perfect_. All that math scribbled across the interior surface of the room was _stunted_. _Limited_. On the walls a melody built, and swelled, and came to nothing. But that missing climax was still there, in a way. It was written in the earlier measures, in the cadence, in the difference between the math and his own vibrations.

There was a cello at his shoulder, now. He was sitting in a straight-backed chair, bow and fingers working, math flowing from the f-holes and settling onto the wall, mostly duplicating what was already there. The leg, the arm, the ear, the tooth, and the blood eye all whispered to him, guided his hands.

The end came. The crescendo swelled, ready to pop. The missing climax was realized. New math settled onto the wall, landing burning, bloody, bright.

Far away, the world was screaming.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Katsuragi was brought over to Maya's terminal, which was displaying what looked like an MRI picture, a cross-section of Unit One's brain, labeled "ANALYZING..." The normal orange tint was covered in splatters of red and purple. An adjacent monitor displayed a document, entitled: "Speculatory Meta-Gene Expression [[#aa1]]: Autonomic AT Field."

Something had happened in Unit One. Something impossible. The Eva's AT Field had emerged anomalously, without any kind of active interface. That AT Field had vaporized certain structures in Unit One's brain, and then vanished. The brain was already repairing the damage, but the newly-grown structures were _different_from the originals.

"It looks like," Ritsuko confided, "that the phenotype of the R-center's meta-gene template has been altered."

Katsuragi understood just about none of that.

"Its changing," Ritsuko tried again, "into something the restraint systems implanted throughout Unit One's body cannot control."

Okay, that, Misato got.

The Eva was transferred to a launch pad. It shuddered in the catapult frame. Inside the entry plug, Shinji was floating over the pilot seating. One side of his face pressed against the top of the plug, the rest of him was slack and drooping in a painful curve.

"LCL isn't dense enough for a human body to float in," Ritsuko was saying, voice rising, and under those words Katsuragi heard: I told you not to put him back in there. I told you, Misato! That point of contact holding him in place? Its that red eye! I told you, dammit!

And now Unit One's thermals were spiking, nearly as high Unit Zero's had been while under gamma bombardment. On the launch pad, Unit One began to steam and _change_.

Oh my God, Misato Katsuragi thought, apropos of nothing. "LAUNCH!"

On the big screen, Rei was cutting one of Unit Zero's legs off just below the knee. The Angel was spinning, and drifting toward her. It would be directly overhead in seconds.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

He was back in the entry plug, pressed face-down against the seating, immobile. The comm center was screaming at him, all alarms, and Katsuragi, and a mix of other voices... and also a weird, quiet cough that was somehow more distressing than all the rest put together.

"Nnngh," he tried. Still couldn't move. Finally noticed the vibration (in his leg, his arm, his ear, his teeth, the blood eye). He was being launched. They had put him on the catapult and fired him like a bullet at that blue not-spider thing without even... telling...

And then he remembered that white room. The daydream he had fallen into. He remembered the math-music-language-vibration, and the faint impression of the world beyond, screaming him.

What the...

"Katsuraaaaaa!" he managed in a shout. He still couldn't see the comm. Had he left the mic on? Couldn't even begin to remember how to enable it if it was switched off. Stop it, I just fell asleep. Why this, why is this happening? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, just stop stop stop STOP.

"Shinji, what happ..." the familiar voice came, only to be interrupted by: "What. Did. You DO!?" He was pretty sure that was the blond doctor, Akagi.

The vibration increased, but the g-force diminished. Shinji had a moment of familiar mobility - it wasn't over, the launch pad was just switching from a vertical track to a horizontal one. He was upright for about two seconds, got an eyeful of comm center, and then the horizontal catapult engaged. Shinji was thrown, his motion slowed by the LCL, up against the spherical cap of the entry plug.

That eyeful of comm center had been too much:  
>The command center - Misato was concerned, the blond doctor was angry, and the brown-haired girlwoman beneath them had seemed _afraid_.  
>The world above - dripping and molten-bright. Unit Zero was trapped in what looked like lava, dismembering its own feet with a knife. A red substance had been oozing from one severed ankle, and spurting from the ankle that was still partially attached. Almost like Unit Zero was... bleeding. Like a living thing.<br>Rei Ayanami - hunched over, breasts now irrelevant, making that sinister-sounding quiet cough. An eyeful of comm center had been too brief for Shinji to be certain, but it seemed that her cries coincided with the motion of Unit Zero sawing through its own ankle.  
>The Angel - looming. Drifting. Closing.<p>

"Stooooaarrgggghppppp pleeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" his shout was stretched into a wail by the weight of the catapult's motion.

Death. He was being shot up to blue, geometric death. He could barely make this thing, this Ebangerion, work, and he couldn't even reach the controls. They had that video of Unit One tearing apart that red-purple _monster_, but he didn't remember that; had no idea how any of it had happened.

They were throwing him away. Getting rid of him. These people could sit down in their geo-front while the world went molten, and machines bled in convincing spurts, and children died. The whole thing had all been a trick, a nested deceit. Father was just building a... a _paper trail_. Working on his _alibi_. So when Shinji died in a tragic accident, they wouldn't be able to put the older man in prison. This was Father acting. This was death, wrapped in inscrutable machinery, gone and erased in ways science and the law could not explain.

Just like

"Moooooaaaaaaaahhhgmmmm!" this time, the wail wasn't induced by g-force. Maybe if he screamed loud enough, she'd hear him all those years ago. Maybe she'd step away from the experiment that had swallowed her, the one that had looked so much like an entry plug. Maybe the past would change, and this whole scenario would disappear in a puff of logic. Shinji screamed for his mother, which is to say: MAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAA!

"SHINJI!" a voice blared, so loud it crackled. Shinji's fading vision danced - no, no, something was being projected into the entry plug cap. The comm center, it had shifted from the seat to down here, just in front of him. All the text was reversed.

He tried to straighten out, to brace again the cap, but the crushing weight held him in place. His vision dimmed, but he fought it. Because if the world faded to black, it was never, never, never going to come back.

"Shinji..." Katsuragi. The volume had been lowered, but the Eva had failed to stop. The woman's voice was wet and brittle again, like back at the athletic field. "Unit One has been contaminated. You've been contaminated. Its... complicated, but we're going to help, okay? We've got you on the exterior helixical rail, remember that? We have to get you to the surface a safe dis...t...a...n...c...e..."

The world slowed, and finally faded to black.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

_Hey. _  
><em>...<em>  
><em>Hey!<em>

Shinji was down in the hole, looking up at a moon framed by wreckage. His gaze was fixed, empty, blank.

Dead.

Something shifted behind him, maybe a gosling stalking the secret, narrow places past the wall of broken wood and metal. Shinji's head lolled down, beheld his moonclad corpse. They'd torn open his stomach - his intestines stretched out from his stomach, into the darkness at the other side of the hole. Everything below that had been stripped out, the meat on his thighs and groin simply gone. Nothing but wet red bone down there. Further down, his legs were ripped up but good. One shoeless foot was missing all its toes except for the big one, the skinless, odd shape resembling nothing so much as a great webbed claw.

Another shift, and the corpse was on its side. The motion hadn't come from behind though, not exactly. Another shift, a vibration, a groan, and an adult chinstrap emerged from his emptied torso, a glistening red hunk of gore speared by its beak.

_Hey, did you forget?_

The chinstrap shook its slender, snake-like neck until Shinji's heart slipped free. Then it gave him a gargling honk, spread its wings, and disappeared upward.

_Hey, remember? That feeling of bones, crunching? That feel of spurting warmth, all across your body? Remember, that first time?_

That first time... he had been hurt, bloodied. The chinstraps had been massing overhead, and two were already in the hole. And Shinji had briefly thought to just hug the wall, cover his head with his arms, and hope the geese forgot about him. He would have stayed that way, even as they swarmed over him and tore him to pieces. Even as they splayed out his guts and tore apart his feet and rooted around deep inside him until his heart was theirs.

_Hey, remember? This isn't how it went, is it?_

Ye...yeah! He had... he had fought, and killed, and filled the **cold dark**with the warmth of spilled blood and the surety that he could destroy anything that came out of the shadows and tried to hurt him.

_That's right! You met that honking chorus, that _cacophony_, with your own _composition_. In ripped knuckles and swollen tears and cooling splashes of blood! In shattered wings and crushed skulls spurting gray jelly! You silenced their attack, their evil, their _malice!

The corpse rose to its mangled feet. Its flayed intestines caught, and ripped free of their moorings, but Shinji didn't mind. Because the **cold dark**was gone, but it was also always with him. It was in the past, waiting for him to remember: back when he had been able to stand up and control his own destiny for the first time in his life; back when he had made a choice that had prevented his own death.

_Your own song, your great work, recorded in chilled gore at the bottom of a hole._

He had forgotten, somehow. Forgotten about the geese, about how they had swooped in to kill him. Between the memory loss and the pills the fat _gaijin_ had fed him, the chinstraps had become mere animals. His animosity towards them had, at some point, become _perfunctory_.

Basically, at some point, quite possibly when Kei Sakkamota expressed an interest in dating him, Shinji Ikari had broken the chain of his psychoses. The fat _gaijin_would have been overjoyed.

He had lied to himself. Deluded himself into believing that lie.

The corpse raised its hands skyward. The air above was filled with the sound of beating wings. The first chinstrap dove into the hole, angling for the corpse's face. Torn fists came together, crushing the animal's head before it could strike.

_Remember this, Shinji? The crushing, killing motion? You made it up as you went, but it still has a nice ring to it, a pleasing pattern. Even when it was over and there was nothing but __**dark cold**__, it still echoed in your mind, sustaining you when all warmth had fled._

_That Song of Agony. _

More flying shadows rushed the corpse, all at once.

SHINJI IKARI used CALAMITY TRIGGER!

Misato didn't even see the kid get up. Rei had finished cutting Unit Zero free, and the Captain was focused on getting the Eva to crawl to an intact extraction point, the closest of which was several blocks from its current position. Digging through the block had proven impractical since the pilot needed to hold the AT Field in reserve in case the Angel renewed its attack.

The Angel was turning slowly in place. Ritsu was pretty sure it was tracking the Eva's course around the perimeter of the Geo-Front.

She didn't see the kid walk up the length of the entry plug with no apparent difficulty - maybe a little exertion to make it up the incline, that's all. Five-times gravity? A stroll through the Administrative Park.

She only looked back to the entry plug comm feed when the altered Eva approached the end of its transit; when the thing Unit One had become tore itself free of the catapult harness. By then Shinji had collapsed into the seating, a tangle of twitching, spastic body parts.

It almost looked planned, the way things turned out. The former Unit One hit the catapult terminator without any restraints, going at least 50kph, shooting into the sky. It drifted upwards in a slow arc, trailed by a thick gray cloud that now seemed more smoke than steam.

Misato watched, open mouthed, as bad timing transformed the kid and his Eva into the super-expensive maybe-not-mecha-at-all equivalent of a targeting discus. Maybe a targeting discus merged with a C-20 cartridge self-propelled rocket flare. Either way, a shooting gallery.

And then, of course, Lieutenant Aoba was shouting about high-energy reaction readings coming from inside the Angel.

"Fire!" Katsuragi shouted. "All of it! Fire it now!"

The city above erupted with the full might of NERV's ground defenses. High-explosive carrier missiles, DU slugs, energy mortar, charged AA magneto-chaff, palette shells, even a few defense partitions rocketing upward, their restraints disabled and emergency rockets unleashed. The only thing held in reserve were the six N2 mines the UN had granted NERV custody of after the Third Angel's attack - Unit Zero was still up there, crawling on its elbows toward a waiting access hatch.

The Unit One thing hit the ground with a dull crack, passing through red-brown earth until Geo-Front armor plating stopped it. And then that smoking mass _moved_. Twenty blocks in one step; from the edge of the city, right into Misato's battlefield, where it crouched low among the surface defenses.

Central Dogma's view was obstructed by surface barrage and the gray smoke that was still pouring off the Eva, but everything Katsuragi was able to make out was... not Unit One anymore.

Its torso appeared to have lengthened; the armor on its chest and back had separated into parts, extended brown-black dermis visible between bands of green and purple, like the flexing thorax of some psychedelic insect.

The Eva's shoulders had rolled down, shattering armor on the high back and destroying the pylon mountings. Arms were folded beneath its body, altered joints bent to balance inward. It was not simply on all fours - it was _quadrupedal_.

The bits of face she could make out were the worst part. The facial armor seemed mostly intact, but the mouth... She had seen Unit One's teeth before, back when Shinji had broken Unit One's forward restraints to tear into the Fourth Angel. Those teeth had looked human, more or less; white boulders, as edged as blunt, all of them maybe trending a bit to the canine. But now she was seeing glimpses of dull gray triangles. Too many, it seemed, to all fit in Unit One's mouth.

"Berserker!" Misato said, she _insisted_, because that was something she knew about, and could begin to understand. "Right? What you were telling me about, when the hindbrain uses the pilot as a conduit...?"

"No," Ritsu answered. "Worse. The _worst possible outcome_."

Maya's terminal dinged. On her main monitor, the following appeared:  
>Metabiological Phenotype Analysis Complete:<br>Unit One operating at theoretical capacity;  
>phenotype #aa1;<br>Designation: BEAST MODE.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The world was molten, overlapping shadows dancing in the orange light of endless explosions, trembling in sympathy to that first step he had taken. His _Prelude_.

The world was molten, columns of black smoke issued from ragged trenches blasted into the metal ground. That smoke rose to meet the enemy, which formed the roof of this small, loud, awful world.

A burning destructive nothingness whispered to Shinji from three seconds in the future, and Unit One shifted four blocks to the right as a beam of pure white hit where he had been standing, briefly carving a new smoking furrow in the city's skin before flickering off.

Last time, the chinstraps had built an Eva, twisted to their own image. This new thing was obviously where that Eva copy had come from, a flying fortress. A chinstrap variation of the Geo-Front.

He moved, moved, moved, drifting at the perimeter of the world, eyes upward, ear cocked to the future. The enemy kept sending death down at him, but too slow. The Song of Agony that was wrapped around and through him had gone tachyon. The speed of light wasn't nearly fast enough.

He moved, moved, moved. His skin and face and eyes and throat and heart burned with an intensity he should not have been able to survive, much less enjoy. But that huge blue spider-thing up there, it was so small. So slow.

Another whisper from the future, but this time he lingered, diving away milliseconds before the attack - because this was what the Song of Agony required. And the glancing impact of that attack, which obliterated the armor on one side of his body and burnt the exposed skin black, that was _glorious_.

He moved, moved, moved. More armor fell away now, knocked loose from the hit or torn free from hardpoints by his own hands. Bone splintered as mounting bolts were stripped out. It hurt more than anything; like a knuckle, sliced open by a spur of bone deep in a goose's stomach cavity. It meant that he was alive, that he had blood and skin and armor to spare.

And the Song was _roaring_.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Whatever questions Misato Katsuragi might have had about the nature of Eva before the arrival of the Fifth Angel were washed away in the visual onslaught of Shinji Ikari's self-mutilation.

Ritsuko said: He can't be dodging those attacks.  
>And Ritsuko said: Some kind of magnetic interference, in the torso, like its got a fusion plant where the heart should be.<br>And Ritsuko said: Why would he do that, why?

Misato barely took note of her friend's irrelevant, comfort-monologue. The Unit One thing had been dealt a glancing blow by the Angel's weaponry. If not for the armor, the Eva probably would have been sheared in half... only now Shinji was stripping off the remaining armor, a harsh harsh red light seeping from the cracks in the Eva's exposed and burnt dermis.

Directly beneath the Fifth Angel, Unit Zero crouched. Misato was not at all okay with keeping Ayanami up there, but was forced to acknowledge the necessity of it. There was no helping that - the surveillance network was offline, and the long-range cameras were picking up nothing but black smoke. Unit Zero's ancient, almost _curosry_sensor suite was better than nothing. The pilot herself appeared to be in shock, her pale skin now nearly transparent; Misato could only hope Ayanami was still capable of shifting Unit Zero's weight enough to tumble into the open access shaft beside her Eva when the time finally came to get out of there.

Unit One continued to rip off its armor, and as the Eva ripped a huge strip of muscle from its own arm, Misato decided she could either snap the fuck out of this horror-fugue and start making tactical decisions again, or else resign herself to Section Two putting a bullet in her brain sometime in the next twenty four hours, assuming the world had twenty four hours left in it.

Surface defenses were still mostly intact - the Angel hadn't really been aiming for them, once Unit One got in close - but also mostly exhausted. Misato put herself and Lieutenant Hyuga to the task of getting everything re-armed and re-targeted. They had six N2 mines; now was clearly the time to use them.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

His torso was bare, mostly black, orange light shining from the charred cracks. Arms were stripped down too, nearly to the bone - armor and flesh had melted together, and to eliminate one, both had to go. Legs and feet were mostly intact, but that was okay. The problem was his face, the mask.

No way to get a good angle on it. He'd lost too much musculature to tear it free, but even if he could, a shattered skull and possibly ruined vision would not yet do. The Song wanted the mask off, but it also needed him to move, to see!

This was... tricky. Like Bach. Suite One, G-major, moving from _Courante_ to _Sarabande_ - that one bit he always stuck on. There was the scissor-saw to the long pause - where he always pictured the path that ran behind Teacher's house, cut into the tall grass and then the forest, walking among the squat stone statues - and then that opening hum-saw at the _Sarabande_where he always got distracted, because the acoustics of the school basement created a very convincing auditory hallucination: like there was someone playing in step, just behind him. That mental walk down the forest path suddenly had to accommodate the presence of another, unseen person.

Sometime, maybe most of the time, the company of that imaginary otherwould bring the whole performance to a halt. The idea of someone behind him, someone that played the cello too, someone that would be inclined to follow him down a forest path or even anywhere at all... that image paralyzed him, while the truth - his isolation, the emptiness of the countryside, the emptiness of being an unwanted child - took advantage of the situation to suckerpunch him and leave him prone on his back for hours, staring at that ceiling he knew every inch of, filled with a nebulous hate.

The Song of Agony was giving him that same echo, but coming at him from a long way off. Like a shade from some alternate universe where he didn't have to walk that forest path alone. Someone else was there with him, a sister, a brother, a mother, (a lover?)...

Another prescient whisper. He dodged, dragging his arms through the column of light, screaming in step with the Song as flesh and bone were seared away. The armor on the hands was too complicated and interwoven to be removed without destroying the hands altogether, and anyway, the Song was giving him a weird tempo variance that suggested he wouldn't be needing them.

That echo again.

He moved, moved, moved. The Song had kept him at the perimeter of this smoke-choked world, but now he moved into its heart.

That echo...

Unit Zero. Ayanami. The orange Eva was hunkered down between several tall buildings. The Song was with her, and she moved with it.

The enemy was moving as well, rotating on its vertical axis - trying to reach a firing position.

He knelt by Ayanami, since Unit Zero could no longer stand. She grabbed the horn of his mask, and jammed Unit Zero's knife somewhere he could not see. He was still, silent. It barely hurt. He could trust her - she was not a goose.

The skullcap came off first. The mask followed easily, painlessly.

The enemy was turning, twisting, its octahedron shape warping. The Song done with this dithering interval. The surface defenses around them recommenced attack, and in the sky beyond the enemy was a sound like thunder.

Another whisper, fainter than the ones that had come before: a whole ten seconds away. Shinji could feel the enemy targeting him, could feel the reaction that came before an attack in his light-cracked skin. He moved to the edge of the battlefield with a thought - the Song building, building, building - and then charged back into the thick of things, right at Ayanami: four feet kicking, road and buildings exploding in the wake of his passage.

And somewhere in there, Shinji had the chance to think:  
>Hey, Ayanami. There's this place out in the countryside, a path that starts in the tall grass and leads into the forest. It used to be a holy place, back before Second Impact, but now its terrible, I hope you never see it.<br>The Administrative Park is much better.  
>It would be nice to walk there, with you, again.<p>

The thing that had been Unit One collided with Unit Zero's angled AT Field. A an invisible barrier smeared with yellow-orange hexagons deflected Shinji up and over Ayanami. The mangled, de-armored Eva pinwheeled in a steep and, moreover, _predictable_arc.

The enemy's attack caught Unit One in the midst of that arc, and all but obliterated it.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Two carrier missiles armed with N2 mines were twenty seconds inbound when the Angel killed Shinji. Misato had been yelling at Rei Ayanami pretty much continuously for the last three minutes, as Unit Zero removed the last bits of armor from the other Eva's head. In her entry plug, the First Child appeared catatonic, and totally unresponsive to any orders given to her, even those from the Commander.

The Angel's beam engulfed Unit One, and Misato gave a great, hitching breath, caught between a sob and scream. Twenty more seconds. Just twenty more seconds and the N2 mines would have hit the Angel from above, while conventional defenses occupied its AT Field below. It was a desperate, baseless strategy, but one Misato would have given anything to see fail before the death of the Third Child.

And Ritsuko said: Its gone.

You mean 'he', Misato silently corrected - it was too much effort to stand upright for her to actually say that aloud.

And Ritsuko repeated: Its gone!

Misato's vision swam. In her entry plug, Rei was finally moving, lowering Unit Zero into the access chute. The girl (who could have grabbed Shinji when Unit One got in close and pulled him down that chute! Misato had, in fact, ordered her to do _exactly_that!) would be safe for a little while. But she'd be just as dead as Misato soon. Third Impact would come to Rei Ayanami, and Misato, and Ritsu, and Kaji, and every other human life on this planet.

Rei was speaking now. She was telling the Commander to call off the N2 strike.

And Ritsuko said: Commander, _its gone!_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The thing that had been Unit One hung over Tokyo 3, the point of one handless arm pierced into the Fifth Angel's untwisting surface. The Eva's lower body and other arm were gone.

In the white room, Shinji was playing the final measures of the Song of Agony. The last bit was familiar, a scissor-sawfading to a long pause that ended the whole thing. The walls of the white room were blank. In the milliseconds after hitting Unit Zero's AT Field, Shinji had wiped away all that burning bright math he had played into being.

The thing that had been Unit One was rotting. The Beast Mode process weaved an Eva's AT Field into its skin, musculature, and skeleton, essentially supercharging the properties of each. The former Unit One's AT Field was no longer reinforcing its body, and that exhausted body could do little now but fall apart. The Eva's AT Field was... elsewhere.

In the white room, the silence was sweet after all that deafening noise. Shinji savored that, an emptiness he could fill at will. He checked the bristles on his bow. He rolled his neck, producing a dull crack. He awkwardly scooted forward (he was sitting on a chair, right? He didn't really know) a few inches, right into the sweet spot, the place where he needed to be.

Bow to strings, lets start out with that hum-saw...

The Eva's AT Field was... elsewhere. Behind and below and above and _without_, in a space that had more in common with Shinji's white room than the interior of his entry plug. When Shinji had deactivated Beast Mode, the AT Field had decanted from its Eva-shaped container and promptly inverted into an imaginary space, enveloping most of Unit One's body and the entirety of the Fifth Angel's positron/antiproton blast. Now the Field was in that unreal, far-off space: moving, twisting, _ordering_the continuous molecular annihilation within.

The first measure was flat, singular - the acoustics in the white room weren't what he had expected - but by the second measure there was an echo. By the third measure, the acoustic otherwas with him.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Beyond the white room, in the dark of an unpowered entry plug, Shinji Ikari's face is pressed to the ceiling. His arms and legs are twisting, jerking in random motions. As the Song in the white room became an honest duet, his body goes slack. With a drifting dream-like slowness, arms drift up and forward, grasping Shinji's SDAT and errant earbud, where they are float next to his body in the LCL. The earbud is slotted into place, while fingers play over the SDAT controls like jointed pistons. Click click click.

SHINJI IKARI used SDAT with SDAT DISK!

Now Playing: "Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back"

[[ youtube code: hXXP23rOgV8 ]]

And thus begins the Song of Triumph.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Unit Zero hobbled along Linear Railway A-4, trailing an emergency power supply. They had limited her synch rate to the point where Rei could no longer feel the stumps of her Eva's legs hitting the ground, but the pain she had already experienced was still with her.

Unit One and the Third Child were still broadcasting causal paradox; she continued to allow it to affect her. She could see everything proposed, and found nothing counter to NERV's tactical imperatives. Her participation was no longer necessary, would not aid in the destruction of the Angel, but would give NERV some logistical benefit.

So now she was moving down the linear railway, away from the heart of the battlefield. Another staggered mile and she would find another access hatch, and emerge upward, into the edge of things. In other words: a minimum safe distance.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The hand that reached up and into the Fifth Angel's body didn't exist just yet, but that was okay; the former Unit One's AT Field had returned from the land of white rooms and sunset-lit train cars and was now wrapping itself around the _idea_of that reaching, searching hand. Invisible digits dragged very real furrows into the Angel's flank, which erupted in a shower of mirrored-blue shards.

The last bits of Unit One were rotting away. What remained of its torso was a tattered curtain of flesh dribbling bits of shattered ribcage and the few remaining complex organs left hanging in the body's trunk. The entry plug sat nestled between the ruin of two vestigial lungs, its internal mounting and power supply already destroyed. Even as the body around it rained down on Tokyo 3 below, the entry plug remained in place. The Eva's spine and skull likewise remained impossibly fixed in place, even as the great jaw emptied of those gray, triangular shark-like teeth - which would be giving Misato Katsuragi nightmares for the rest of her life - while flesh and muscle ran like hot wax off a skeletal frame that looked like it had been suddenly compromised by a hundred hundred years of spontaneous age.

The Angel was screaming, a great and terrible sound more felt than heard. If any human had been so foolish as to intrude on this battlefield of the weird and abstract, the sound would have killed them immediately. Its deep, keening drum passed through layers of armor, warping steel, crumbling cement, completely deafening three crews of emergency maintenance personnel.

Evangelion Unit Zero, three miles from the epicenter, had to roll into a ball and project a very weak omnidirectional AT Field barrier to keep the sound out. Rei Ayanami would suffer a week-long case of tinnitus which would go undiagnosed and wholly unremarked upon, because she would not consider it important.

Six times the Angel sounded, devastating the surface buildings down to crumbling cement and twisted steel frames. All remaining elements of the Eva corpse hanging from the Angel liquified, save for the spine and skull, which were merely cracked in places. The entry plug, locus of a series of counter-vibrational AT Field baffles, was entirely unaffected.

After the sixth long, slow, deep thunderclap, cracks began to appear along the Angel's own surface. Motes of mirrored-blue emerged from those cracks, which drifted down, as though buffeted about on incidental currents of air, to where the idea of a hand was working the muscles in the idea of an arm to leverage open a widening crack near the Angel's _nadir_.

Fingertips came first, the drifting blue motes compressing at the points of imaginary contact, fusing into new molecular forms in rapid flashes of yellow-orange light. The energy that had been enveloped by Unit One's AT Field was now put to use, carefully shunted through an array of complicated Field structures that produced heat and radiant energy to transform the quasi-organic, quasi-solid blood-debris of this Angel into a mostly-organic uni-substance that could be used to express the projected metagenetic template.

Fingertips came first, then the skeletal digits beneath, wrapped in ghostly-clear joints fed by a network of crystalline capillaries and translucent-blue veins and arteries. Muscle came next and slowest, sheets of of knotted nanometric collapsible columns wrapping around bone and integrating with the circulatory system. Finally came a gray-blue flesh, curiously pointed with numerous small divots. When the hand was fully-formed, it closed into a fist, reducing a hunk of the Angel into more blue dust. _Expression_ was, it turned out, much more powerful than mere _idea_.

The Angel began to spin and twist and elongate, its shape contorting to allow its four previously horizontal vertices a range of motion sufficient to bring the Angel's unwanted passenger into the line of fire.

The process of generation continued, spreading from hand to arm to shoulder to head and spine, and from there everywhere at once. Organs expanded downward like quickly-ripening fruit, bones emerged just ahead of the intrusive tubers of the circulatory system, just as quickly followed by muscle and that odd, divot-covered skin. The face was flat and inexpressive, the eyes were split into tri-lobbed pupils, the teeth were smaller and more human than those the Beast Mode metagenetic template had produced, and quickly covered by cheeks and thin, flat, gray-purple lips. Between chest and stomach there was an abscessed opening which - as the last of this strange, new Evangelion's skin grew into place - was filled by a pristine red sphere that appeared from nowhere (from behind and below and above and _without_). Only with its core in place did the light of life enter this creature's tri-lobbed eyes.

The most of the Angel's bottom half was gone now, chipped away and powdered and made into flesh. The four firing vertices had spun themselves out into curling points like tentacles. The new Eva was on top of the Angel now, fingers and toes dug in like fish-hooks as the Angel wobbled and twisted wildly. With one free hand, the Eva struck one of the Angel's four remaining triangular (more or less) surfaces, a hammer blow that shattered the surface in one great piece, sending out large slivers of the mirrored-blue debris. Arcs of yellow-orange lightning flared between many of these shards and the new Eva's skin. Plucked from the sky like airborn seeds, each mirrored-blue sliver was slotted into one of those odd divots on the Eva's gray-blue flesh, forming a cover of needle-like quills that then flattened into individual, triangular plates of overlapping armor, before finally hardening into a flushed, single piece of armor the same color as the Fifth Angel. The features of Unit One's discarded mask were neatly replicated, but the rest of the armor was leaner, without obvious joint-work or pylons.

From deep within the Fifth Angel a red glow emerged, at first concentrated in a sphere not unlike the one within the new Eva's chest. But soon the glow lost all definite shape, spreading outward until all but the contorted firing vertices were subsumed in its inner light.

Down in Central Dogma, Misato was screaming at Shinji to jump, jump! JUMP!

Several things happened in rapid sequence: First, the flattened, central remains of the Angel erupted, red spikes exuding upward from the surface beneath the new Eva, angled to stab it in places but also to immobilize it in a briar-patch of huge red-metal thorns; second, the red glow flowed from the Angel's thorned surface into the contorted firing vertices, which exploded in a simultaneous release of white light which would later be determined to be at least ten times more powerful than the highest variance of the Angel's earlier, 'standard' attack; third, Shinji Ikari woke up.

And he started laughing.

The four simultaneous positron-antiproton blasts filtered through the network of thorns and the Angel's lower body, scattering and refracting into different colors, shooting out sinister sheets of rainbow light that slammed into the ground and penetrate the horizon and the sky overhead. The new Eva, its armor constructed from the same material that had somehow managed to filter (rather than be utterly destroyed by) the positron-antiproton blast, probably could have deflected the attack entirely, and perhaps was doing just that before Shinji woke up and assumed direct control. The result of this interference was dramatic, though not in the Angel's favor.

In the wake of the Angel's attack, the new Eva's blue armor had gone entirely white. Doctor Akagi would later label this particular conformation of the armor as "zero-point configuration;" an absolute defense independent of the AT Field that was triggered whenever the Eva had reached its capacitive limit and could store no more energy. This defense mechanism was very inefficient - probably by design (but designed by whom? Akagi could guess), to drain off excess energy.

Shinji was unaware that any of this had happened. He only vaguely sort-of recalled what had happened in the white room, and the person he had met there. He was entirely free of the influence of any particular Song. All he knew was that there had been a flash of multi-colored light, and he appeared be encased in a great build-up of spikes, which he immediately identified as housing for the chinstraps.

It was also at this point that Central Dogma re-established contact with Shinji's entry plug. He heard the bridge transmission at some middle distance to his left, but for the Third Child, the entry plug did not exist.

"-ji... Shinji!"

"I know!" the Third Child returned as he twisted in place, shattering the spikes that encased him. "We're _right here_! Where they live!"

A pause from the bridge. The eventual question was slow and guarded, its answer foregone. "Who, Shinji? Who lives here?"

Motion came so easily, he could barely feel the spikes as he passed through them. They were mostly hollow, but decidedly uninhabited. No broken bodies or fleeing flappers emerged from the shattering spikes. There was something much like internal partitioning going on inside the spikes, but Shinji saw no evidence of water or grass or anything that might pass for chinstrap furniture.

"No one," he replied, angry. "They left. They abandoned this place, I..."

"Move," came the voice. "Shinji, you have to get out of there, now."

"No, it's _empty_," he said. "This whole thing was a tr-"

"SHINJI IKARI!" Misato's voice cracked at the upper limits of transmission. "Get off that thing! It... they... they've booby trapped it! Its going to explode! They're... they're going to kill you!"

And that's when the harsh red glow that had been building, unnoticed, for some time beneath Shinji's feet spread into what remained of the towering spikes and became entirely impossible to not see.

No!

Shinji pushed up with his feet, far harder than he had intended to. Instead of simply righting himself, he had effectively jumped off the strange glowing ruin, which turned out to be a battered floating platform suspended over what looked like some old pre-Impact ruin. He had just enough distance to realize this when the Fifth Angel exploded.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The moment contact was reestablished with the Third Child, Rei Ayanami started to move. There was no longer any form of causal paradox to guide her, this was mere speculation and prediction, based on how Shinji Ikari had previously behaved. His irrational, _indecent_aggression combined with a foe which did not appear to have anything resembling the more traditional arrangement of interior parts suggested he would be incapable of dispatching this Angel as he had the previous one. More to the point, this Angel had already demonstrated a vast capacity to manipulate and contain S2-derived energies. Current models of Angel behavior, mostly generalized around their use of an AT Field in conjunction with an S2 organ, suggested a general morphology naturally capable of self-detonation.

The spiking pain of moving on her ankles was still there. She had had to remove the sync limiter during the Angel's auditory attack in order to erect a barrier against it. Now, her sync rate remained above 65%, as the full tactical requirements of her present action were unknown.

She stopped a mile short of the Angel and waited. Unit One - or the thing Unit One had become, was just visible at the edge of battered, barren ledge the formerly octahedral Angel had become. Captain Katsuragi was shouting at him to get clear, as the Angel became, again, to glow red. Only when Katsuragi acknowledge Shinji Ikari's reality - something Ayanami had been seconds away from opening a channel and doing herself - did the strange thing Unit One had become jump from the platform.

Incidentally, he was heading right toward Unit Zero.

The Angel's explosion was not what the models had led her to expect. Rather than a flash of white light quickly followed by incineration of both herself and Unit Zero (a distinct possibility, at this range) or a rising cloud of plasma expanding in the shape of a dissipating AT Field, the Fifth Angel's mass seemed to instantly change state into something that appeared to be plasma. Rather than conform to theory as the core within disintegrated, the plasma began to spin, forming a seemingly solid ball of light that proceeded to dive after Ikari who was...

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Misato winced as the two Eva collided. The way fate kept slamming those two into one another, you'd think there was more to it.

"Get up, you have to move!" the channel was open to both pilots. "Shinji, you have to help Rei."

The Angel was descending toward them. It was hotter than a solar flare. Ritsuko was giving them half a minute until the damn thing ignited the atmosphere. Misato only needed fifteen seconds. Shinji's Eva got up with such force it nearly toppled over. Then it grabbed Unit Zero and moved, moved, moved.

Both were well clear when the N2 carrier missiles hit, twin explosions sending the Angel into a plasma-spewing tailspin that would end several miles beyond the formal perimeter of the city, where the Angel's core, deprived of S2 organ and, therefore, AT Field, would remain, immobile and intact, until it could be trucked away for further study.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  
>LEVEL COMPLETED!<br>HERE COMES THE BOOM

(((Shinji Ikari)))

KOs: 1 Rei Ayanami (accidental)

KOed by: Keija Sakkamota (emotionally, accidentally. _This _time)

Unit One Gained Form: BEAST MODE  
>Unit One Evolved to: SUPER EVA<p>

Gained Achievement! _**Heartbreak Kid**_  
>Gained Achievement! <em><strong>5G Walkin'<br>**_Gained Achievement! _**The Zombie Ikari **__or __**He Left Behind a Beautiful Corpse  
><strong>_Gained Achievement! _**Blazing Blue Knight**_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  
>(((Keija Sakkamota)))<p>

KOs: 1 Shinji Ikari

Gained Nickname! Kei

Gained Achievement! _**Jezzball Trolololololo**_  
>Gained Achievement! <em><strong>Kei, Beyond her Heart. Sorta.<strong>_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  
>(((Rei Ayanami)))<p>

KOed by: Shinji Ikari (whoops)

Ankles sawed through: 2  
>Radiation Exposure: 1,000 rad<p>

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  
>(((Misato Katsuragi)))<p>

KOs: 1 Angel motherfuckers, _finally_

Gained Achievement! _**Setting the Sun**_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

"We got lucky," Ritsuko said from behind her tablet. "You have no idea."

"Of course we did," Misato countered. "We've got this new Eva for you to play with, and another Angel is dead."

"A new Eva that Rei Ayanami cannot synchronize with," Ritsuko corrected. "So for our immediate purposes, a _useless_Eva."

"It does have a pilot," Misato said. But of course Akagi knew that. He was the reason they were riding this tram down to the cryo-stasis bay.

"I may not be Tactical, but I anticipate many negative outcomes if you actually suggest that," Ritsu responded crisply.

"Yeah well, just because we won't be letting him pilot anytime soon doesn't mean we have to lock him up," Misato came back.

The tram stopped, the two women disembarked. Shinji was set into the wall, in a narrow alcove, his body encased in a translucent non-Newtonian fluid. From the screens set in the wall beside him, Misato could see that Shinji's life signs and psychograph were normal. He was asleep. Ritsuko was pretty sure they could keep him like this for a few months, at least.

"This new Eva is an unknown quantity, and it happened because he was in the entry plug," Ritsuko said. "Since restraining the new Eva is beyond our capabilities, and destroying it wouldn't be prudent, we have to isolate him until we can be sure whatever happened to Unit One has, in fact, stopped happening."

"He's a kid," Misato put in, stubbornly. "Look, he doesn't even _like_Eva. We can move him off-base, let him go to school, do kid stuff."

"Misato," Ritsu closed her eyes, pinched a temple. "This projection you're doing, onto the mysterious abomination of God-science? It's getting tiresome."

"He's a kid," Misato pointed at Shinji, significantly, and then at Ritsuko, "And you're being a bit of a bitch."

So, what's next? Either:  
><strong>11A - NERV puts Shinji on ice. He's in a medically-induced coma until Asuka arrives. This leads to the following scene:<strong>  
>(<em>The Second Child's first instinct was to turn around and walk away. This wasn't what she was looking for. He was the right age, but there was a squawking seagull in his hands. Asuka Langley Sohryu could not envisage any scenario that would require the mysterious Third Child to behave in this way.<em>

_He's messing with me, she surmised. Trying to be cool. Aloof. He knew Misato would send me after him. So, okay... "What are you doing, exactly?"_

_The boy looked up. One of his eyes was red - some kind of crude therapy repair? His expression was tight. "Inspecting," he replied. The seagull continued to screech and flap the wing the boy had not pinned._

_"And uh, why would you want to do that?"_

_The boy rotated the gull, inspecting its underside. Then he tossed it overboard, where it alighted and flapped away. "Miscegenation," he said._

_An archaic word, probably not even real. He was still messing with her. Or trying to, anyway. "What are you even doing out here? Misato and Kaji are waiting for us in the mess." See those names I dropped there? Note the familiarity. They may be your superiors, but I've known them for _years_._

_"I don't like it in there, if that's all right," the boy replied._

_"Don't tell me you're claustrophobic," she responded. You work in an entry plug, ass!_

_"Not really?" the boy shrugged, tossing more bread crumbs from his bag. "They keep me in a cell most of the time. I'm not allowed to interact with people."_

_Asuka rolled her eyes. As if NERV would let some criminal pilot Eva. This was just getting sad._

_The Third Child snatched a diving gull out of the air. The bird's motion was trailed by a storm of white feathers. It shrieked shrilly, until the boy clamped down on its beak. "They won't let me work, either," he continued. "Against the chinstraps, I mean."_

_...chinstraps. "Against the what?"_

_"The geese," he replied, turning over the gull. "Black and ashy brown and white? A little bigger than a soccer ball? Their plumage makes it look like they're wearing little helmets, secured by chinstraps? I think they are from North America, originally."_

_…geese. "Why would you work against geese?"_

_He smiled, and crisply snapped the gull's neck. "Because if I don't, they'll kill everyone." He let the body fall overboard._

_And now she did walk away. Backwards. Turning around suddenly seemed like maybe it wouldn't be the most prudent course of action. "You are Shinji Ikari, right? The Third Child?"_

_The boy was tossing more crumbs. Did he intend to 'inspect' every bird that was trailing this ship? "Yeah," he replied. "I guess that's me."_

_"What are you, crazy?" she asked, which was to say: Anata ki chigai._)

Or:  
><strong>11B - NERV allows Shinji to remain active. This leads to the following scene:<strong>  
>(<em>Shinji nervously edged out into the pool area. Bad enough he'd had to walk Major Katsuragi through a made-up itinerary (to her obvious delight, she'd been a little overbearing since the promotion), now he had to intrude on the swim club.<em>

_The pool was elevated from the track area, and enclosed by a chain-link fence. A small group of girls and boys both were using the pool. Discovering the club was co-ed was something of a relief. Seemed to decrease the chance he'd be pushed into the pool to drown for being a _hentai.

_Sakkamota was doing laps, or lines, or whatever you called going side-to-side in a pool. She was doing laps 15 minutes after she said practice would be over. She was doing laps 15 minutes after she said practice would be over, and no one else appeared to be done either. Oh, and look, one of those boys was the kid that tried to go after Rei..._

_It would now be entirely appropriate, Shinji decided, to effect immediate _egress_ (another one of those weird words he had never heard before, but somehow knew the meaning of). Yeah, it was time to bug out, fuck off, and scram. He had told Sakkamota he couldn't swim, and she had basically tricked him into coming to the pool area where her thug boyfriend could dump him in the deep end._

_No one expected him to be back in his cell for another three hours, maybe he could go down to that lake and see if any geese had migrated in..._

_"Ikari?!" came the yell. Shinji was backing into the shade by the building, putting a bench between himself and the pool. Those drills in Eva had taught him the benefit of having something solid between oneself and one's enemy. If they tried to drag him into the pool, he could latch onto the bench._

_"Hey, that's you, right?" Sakkamota emerged at the edge of the pool, visible to her shoulder line. "Why are you here, huh?"_

_"You said to meet in the atrium at 4:30" he replied carefully, steadily. One of the girls standing by the pool had noticed him and self-consciously turned away._

_"I said _5:00," _Sakkamota declared, detaching from the side of the pool and drifting out. "How could I do any training in just thirty minutes? All the club meetings are an hour long, you know."_

_"Oh," he said, and made to leave. She had definitely said 4:30. So she'd either made a mistake, or this was all a crazy plot to drown him. Either way, _annoying_. He had been hoping to get some work in on Bach's Suite 3 tonight. _

_"Hold on, hold on," Sakkamota said, voice projecting weariness. "Look, just give me a minute, okay? Get me a towel."_

_Shinji waved without looking back, "I'll be in the atrium." Get close to the edge of the pool? No._

_Not that he was afraid of the water, not really. His lungs were still full of LCL from yesterday's sync test. He could sink to the bottom of the pool and just sit there until everyone got bored with their murder attempt and went away. It wasn't like he wasn't willing to walk across the bottom of Ashino Lake to ambush a lazy flock of chinstraps. No, he was just tired of getting tricked by everyone, all the time. He was tired with his poor fortune being someone else's measure of success._

_And maybe '_tired'_ was the wrong word. A more apt description would encompass the effort it took to not rationalize a chinstrap-like shape onto all these people who were trying their best_ to_ tear him apart. But that would be too much. That would be _crazy_. He'd just have to resign himself to only being able to trust Ayanami, who most assuredly was not a goose._

_He lingered in the atrium for maybe five minutes before Sakkamota showed up, sports bag over one shoulder. She was wearing athletic shorts over her school one-piece and flip-flops and nothing else. Shinji was careful to make eye contact, which didn't stop him from noticing how poorly the swimsuit fit her. _

_"Okay," she said, swinging arms out, indicating her whole self. "Here I am."_

_Her chest was too large, was compressed by the school-standard suit into a single broad shape. _

_"Are we going to this place, or what?" she asked, pulling on a t-shirt._

_If he had gotten her that towel, what else might he have seen? Thighs. Why did he care about thighs? Well, not so much the thighs as the you-know. Like Sakkamota was a puzzle half solved. Or maybe two-thirds solved. Or_

_She snapped fingers in front of his face. "What is it? What's wrong with you?"_

_Shinji blinked. "Sorry," he managed. "Sorry, its been a long day."_

_"Uh huh." She wasn't buying it. She knew exactly what he'd been thinking. Probably expecting it. Could have planned this entire encounter around it. "You slept through Pre-Calculus."_

_You were watching? "You were watching?"_

_"I'm the class representative," she said, sounding annoyed. "Are you taking me to this cake bar, or what?"_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Author's Notes: Fair readers, this is all your fault. We could have had a nice, pastoral Shinji who just went around being canon with a slightly more tragic backstory, but you just had to have him go balls-to-the-wall crazy. You made be jam that Keija Sakkamota chick in there. You made me write like a billion words of Eva combat. What were you thinking?

Look, this is only going to work if you shape up and fly right. Make the right choice this time, already.

Anyway, I've got law finals until winter. The next Branch could be ready as early as Christmas. Assuming you don't screw up and force me to write another 30k catastrofuck.


End file.
